Types of life position. Basic life positions

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Introduction

Every person is born of two parents. It is the result of millions of coincidences, patterns and accidents. It is complex and contradictory. And yet there is one basic characteristic that he needs as the foundation of every home. It is called the basic life attitude, fixed life position or basic life position. This is a set of basic, basic ideas about oneself, significant others, the world around, which provide the basis for the main decisions and human behavior. Human,livingVsociety,interactingWithothersindividualstakescertainvitalposition.

Life position - the attitude of a person to the world around him, expressed in his thoughts and actions.

Formationvitalpositionspersonalities is a complex and difficult process. It requires a lot of stress and expenditure of physical, moral, psychological and mental efforts. This process is significantly influenced by micro- and macro-environments, the level of development of productive forces and production relations, the socio-political system, the political regime, the level of culture, etc. This process is accompanied by the assimilation of the humanity that has been developed in appearance, achievements in the field of material and spiritual culture, scientific and professional knowledge, worldview, beliefs and skills, labor and socio-political activities, etc. An active life position of a person becomes possible under the condition of a critically creative mastery of all the wealth of mankind, the formation of a readiness to actively act in society.

Choice of fixed life position carried out by the family, the immediate environment and the person himself. This happens from the first moments of life and ends by the age of seven. That is, at such a young age, when it is still impossible to count on a full awareness of the seriousness decision, clarity and depth of thinking.

As soon as the main life position has been determined, all actions, all human behavior is aimed at confirming and consolidating it. However, in order to be precise, it is important to say that the basic life position of each person develops even before birth. And every child before his birth believes that he is well-off and other people are well-being. I am good, you are good. You are basically the mother and those around her.

The child begins to walk. He is very awkward, falls, breaks dishes, spoils things. He is clumsy and ridiculed. He is often punished. Then the nursery kindergarten, school. And everywhere the position I am not prosperous - You are prosperous is brought up, imposed, hammered. However, this is the most adaptive position for a Soviet person - a modest worker, humbly waiting for a reward.

A person with a negative image of his own Self is burdened by the events taking place and takes the blame for them. He is not confident enough in himself, does not claim success and results. He underestimates his work. Refuses to take initiative and responsibility. Stressed and often sick. Moreover, diseases develop slowly, proceed sluggishly, the recovery period is delayed for a long time.

He often experiences depression, suffers from neurosis, character disorders, is prone to self-destructive behavior: smoking, alcohol abuse, drugs. It is characterized by vegetovascular and psychosomatic disorders, decreased immunity. Typical gastritis, ulcers, diseases of the small and large intestines, biliary dyskinesia and renal colic. For women, disorders of the ovarian - menstrual cycle are characteristic, for men - prostatitis. They have reduced sexual desire and potency. Hypothyroidism, hypotension, dynamic disorders of cerebral circulation are typical, ischemic strokes are possible.

Such people are slovenly in their way of life, in their clothes. They choose for themselves a banal or losing scenario - an unconscious plan of life. Quite often they can be found at a doctor's appointment, among patients of somatic, psychiatric or narcological hospitals. It is important to note that most members of our society carry a fixed emotional attitude throughout their lives: I am not well - you are well. We meet them constantly and everywhere. They live hard and sad. They have an impact on others, and it is not easy for us along with them. And yet it is not the most minor setting. There is one more: I am not well - you are not well. I am not well - you are not well. Such a person is not energetic enough; he is rather apathetic, prone to depression, passive hostility towards himself and others. Unable to be persistent. He is constantly haunted by failure, and he got used to it. He does not have a creative approach to work and life in general. From his point of view, he does not deserve positive and praise. Moreover, he does not perceive or hear them. He is gloomy, ironic, difficult to communicate. His passivity eventually forms a negative attitude towards him of those around him. With his untidy, scandalous clothes, appearance, smell emanating from clothes and body, he constantly declares: Everything is wrong with me - Everything is wrong with you. This is an attitude of hopeless despair, when life is useless and full of disappointments. Man is powerless and others cannot help him. It remains to sink to the bottom and wait for death.

The installation of trouble develops in a child deprived of attention, abandoned, when others are indifferent and not interested in him. Or when a person has suffered a great loss and does not have the resources for his own recovery, when everyone around him has turned away from the person and he is deprived of support.

Such people; suffer from many different diseases. This is depression to apathy. Various colds, infectious and somatic diseases caused by reduced immunity. They have a sharply suppressed sexual desire, reduced potency. Women have limited opportunities to become pregnant and give birth. For them, all health disorders caused by self-destructive behavior are typical - excessive smoking, abuse of alcohol and its surrogates, narcotic and toxic substances. Characterized by injuries to the body, as well as the skull and brain and their consequences.

Diseases and health disorders in them proceed for a long time. For the most part, such people slowly break down. The diseases themselves flow sluggishly, accompanied by complications. The recovery period is getting longer. There are often associated comorbidities. The drugs used to treat them give me side effects and complications. Only a part of people with the installation I am not well - you are not well live in society. Many of them spend their lives waiting for the end in narcological, psychiatric and somatic hospitals, homes for the chronically ill, in places of detention. Many today are simply thrown out of life and complete their lives a little on the street, joining the ranks of the homeless. The next setting is not so pessimistic. And yet, its carriers deliver a lot of worries and inconvenience to others. It is formulated as follows: I am well - you are not well.

vital personality conformist depressive

1. correctvitalpositionpersonalities

Each of us has our own vitalposition. It determines our ability to deal with difficulties, hardships, our strength and faith depend on it. These are the basic principles and beliefs of a person about the world, society, about himself, expressed in thoughts, words, deeds. And this, sometimes, greatly distinguishes people from each other.

Consider main types vital positions:

1. conformist(passive) where there is subordination to society, the world around and a person lives by coincidence. In turn, here we distinguish the following subspecies:

b) group-conformist, where all members of this group strictly abide by the rules and regulations adopted here

c) Social conformist, where each individual is strictly subject to all the norms of society, which is usually accepted in a totalitarian state

1. Activevitalposition aimed at changing the surrounding reality, the transformation of norms, rules, lifestyle. Here are the following points:

a) Independent state of the individual in relation to other people, but subordination to the main main leader

b) Compliance and acceptance of social norms and rules, but the desire for leadership in the team

c) Ignoring moral and moral norms, an active desire to take one's life position outside of society: a gang, a criminal community, in other asocial groups

d) Rejection of the norms of society, constant independent desire to change the surrounding reality, often with the help of other people: revolutionaries, opposition .. This is the state of a happy productive individual.

2. Activevitalpositionpersonalities

Activevitalpositionhuman- nothing more than an indifferent attitude to the world around, which is manifested in the actions and thoughts of the individual himself. The first thing that many pay attention to when communicating with a stranger is his position in life. It is she who distinguishes us from each other psychologically. This position in life allows or does not allow each person to overcome difficulties. Sometimes it is the cause of our success or failure. Moreover, in many ways it is the life position that determines the fate of a person. Life position has a manifestation in all spheres of life, influencing moral and spiritual positions, socio-political and labor activity. An active position is characterized by a quick reaction of a certain person to life situations and a widespread readiness for specific actions.

TO vital positions V in general relate:

· political preferences;

a person's worldview

· its principles, etc.

3. Formationactivevitalpositions

It has been formed since human birth. The foundation of its appearance is communication with others, their influence on the personal development of each of us.

It is initiative that holds the true secret of developing an active life position. But its growth, like everything else in the universe, needs a kind of "battery" that will give energy for this improvement. Your battery? it is desire. After all, only they are able to force them to fight with difficulties, helping to achieve the desired goals.

All of us have ever come across people whose life was dominated by an active position. They internally stand out from those around them. In companies, they are often leaders. Such individuals are able to lead society, because their point of view and inner potential cause a desire to follow them.

4. Typesactivevitalpositionspersonalities

Position "positive" committed to the observance of moral standards and the victory of good over evil.

Position "negative" . You should not think that active people are necessarily those who act only “good”, on the contrary, you need to understand that their actions can also be harmful to society and themselves. All kinds of gangs and bandit groups created by active individuals, with certain, pronounced beliefs and specific goals, harm society.

Our life is not something static and unchanging. It changes with the passage of time, the development of new technologies and the influence of people on our inner world. It is only important to be interested in improving the surrounding world.

For people of the first type, the main thing is not only to get hung up on their own and only their experiences, but also on global issues of the whole world. True, not everyone will be able to elevate their personal qualities for the benefit of society, and set the principles, beliefs, worldview to achieve success. But what will be the position in life depends only on the person himself.

Berne suggested that in the earliest stages of script formation, the young child "...already has certain beliefs about himself and about the people around him... These beliefs, which he seems to carry through the rest of his life, can be summarized as follows: 1) I'm OK or I'm not-OK; You're OK or You're not-OK.

These four points of view are called vital positions. Some authors call them fundamental positions, existential positions or just positions. They reflect a person's fundamental attitudes about the essential value that he sees in himself and other people. This is something more than just an opinion about one's or someone else's behavior.

Having adopted one of these positions, the child, as a rule, begins to adjust his entire script to it. Berne wrote: "At the heart of every game, every scenario, and every human destiny is one of these four fundamental positions."

The child who adopted the position "I'm OK, you're OK" is more likely to build a winning scenario. He finds that he is loved and glad for his existence. He decides that his parents can be loved and trusted, and subsequently extends this view to people in general.

If an infant takes the "I'm not-OK, you're OK" position, he is more likely to write a banal or losing script. In accordance with this fundamental position, he will play out in the script his role as a victim and his losses to other people.

The "I'm OK, you're not OK" attitude can set the stage for a seemingly winning scenario. But such a child is convinced that he needs to rise above others, and keep them in a humiliated position. For a while he may succeed, but only at the cost of continuous struggle. Over time, the people around him will get tired of their humiliated position and turn away from him. Then he will turn from a supposedly "winner" into a loser himself.

The attitude "I'm not OK, you're not OK" is the most likely basis for a losing scenario. Such a child has come to believe that life is empty and hopeless. He feels humiliated and unloved. He believes that no one is able to help him, since the rest are also not-OK. So his script will revolve around scenes of rejection by others and his own rejection.

5. Originvitalpositions

Berne believed that "... the position is taken in early childhood (from three to seven years) in order to justify a decision based on earlier experience." In other words, according to Berne, early decisions come first, and then the child takes a life position, thereby creating a picture of the world that justifies earlier decisions.

For example, a baby who has not yet learned to speak may make the following decision: "I will never risk loving anyone again, because Mom has shown that she does not love me." He later justifies this decision with the belief "no one will love me", which translates to "I'm not OK". If a little girl is spanked by her father, she may decide, "I will never trust a man again because Dad treats me badly." Subsequently, she extends this decision to all other men in the form of the belief "men cannot be trusted", that is, "you (they) are not OK."

From the point of view of Claude Steiner, life positions are taken much earlier. He traces their origins to the first months of feeding a child. According to Steiner, the position "I'm OK, you're OK" reflects the comfortable atmosphere of interdependence between the child and the breastfeeding mother. He equates it with the position of "fundamental trust" described by child development specialist Eric Erickson. This is such a "... state of affairs when the baby feels that he is in unity with the world, and everything is in unity with him."

Steiner believes that all children start with an "I'm OK, you're OK" attitude. The child changes position only when something disturbs the harmony of his interdependence with his mother. For example, when a child feels that the mother ceases to protect him and accept him as unconditionally as she did in the first days. Some babies may perceive birth itself as a threat to primordial harmony. In response to any kind of discomfort in his life, the child may decide that he is not-OK, or that others are not-OK. He goes from Erickson's state of "fundamental trust" to a state of "fundamental mistrust." And then, based on this fundamental idea of ​​himself and other people, the child begins to write the script of his life.

Thus, Steiner agrees with Berne that attitude "justifies" script decisions. However, according to Steiner, a life position is taken first, and after that, scenario decisions.

So, attitude can be defined as totality fundamental beliefs O yourself And others people which Human uses For excuses their decisions And his behavior.

6. Life position in adults

Each of us enters adulthood with a script for later life, based on one of the four life positions. However, we do not stay in the chosen position all the time. We are constantly moving from one position to another.

Franklin Ernst developed a method for analyzing such transitions. He called him OK-Plot(Fig. 1)

Instead of the term "OK" Ernst uses the expression "OK for me". This is done to emphasize that "okay" is due to my beliefs: my beliefs about yourself And my beliefs about you.

Rice. 1. OK-Plot

The top pole of the vertical axis of the Site corresponds to "You are OK", the bottom - "You are not OK". On the horizontal axis on the right we have "I'm OK", on the left we have "I'm not-OK". Each of the four squares corresponds to some vital position.

For brevity, "OK" in the literature on TA is often denoted by the sign "+", and "non-OK" - by the sign "-". The word "you" is sometimes also abbreviated to the letter "T".

On fig. 1 shows one of the variants of the Site, where each of the four positions has its own name. Ernst's original diagram did not include these names, but they are often used by other authors.

Franklin Ernst points out that each of the children's positions is represented in adult life in the form of a certain social interaction. He calls the last " operation". The names of these operations are given on the diagram of the Site. When we perform any of these operations unconsciously, in the state of the Child, we do this, as a rule, in order to provide a scenario "justification" for the corresponding life position. However, we have another possibility - we we can move into the Adult state and carry out any of these operations consciously, through which social interaction can lead to the desired results for us.

I'm OK, you're OK: engagement

I just got to work. On the threshold, the boss meets me with a pile of papers. "Here's the report we've been waiting for," he says. "I've marked some points for you. Could you review them and report back?" "Very well," I reply, "it will be done."

By agreeing to fulfill the request of the boss, I decided for myself that I was competent enough to perform this task and I liked it. I find that the boss stated his request politely and reasonably. Thus, I take the position "I'm OK, you're OK". At the level of social interaction, my boss and I turned on to the common cause.

Every time I interact with people in this position, I reinforce my belief that I and others are OK.

I'm Not-OK, You're OK: Avoiding Interaction

I sit down at my desk and turn to the first page of the report. Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone walking towards me. This is one of my colleagues. He looks worried. Since I am already familiar with this expression on his face, it is not difficult for me to guess why he complained. He is going to endlessly complain about his work, ask me for advice and not listen to him. When he comes to my desk and opens his mouth, I can choose between two options: follow the script or respond to him from the Adult state.

scenario operation: Let's say I enter the script and take the position "I'm not-OK, you're OK." I say to myself: "I'm not able to help him. I can't do it. But what is he, he will just talk and that's it. We need to get out of here!" I tighten my abs and sweat. Not listening to what my colleague is talking about, I mumble, "I'm sorry, Jim, I need to jump out to the bathroom!" - and head for the door. As I leave the room, I let go of my tension with a sigh of relief. I gone from Jim according to the script. In doing so, I reinforced my Child's belief that I am not OK and others are OK.

adult operation: If I decide to stay in Adult, I say to myself: “At the moment I don’t want to listen to Jim. He has problems, but it’s not for me to solve them. However, if he talks, you can’t stop him. I think it’s best to go beyond his reach." As soon as Jim opens his mouth and begins to utter his first complaint, I say: "Yes, Jim, things are bad. But I'm busy right now. I was just about to go to the library, check some data on this report. I hope you do well" . I collect my papers and leave. With the help of the Adult, I consciously chose the operation care.

I'm OK, You're Not OK: Getting Rid of Interaction

Ten minutes later, with a cup of coffee, I return to the office and delve into the report. The door opens again. This time it's my assistant. He looks dejected. "I'm afraid I have bad news," he says. "Remember, you asked me to print materials? I got busy and forgot to turn them in on time. And now the printer is busy. What should I do?"

scenario operation: I can answer him from the position "I'm OK, you're not OK." Blushing, I say in a sharp voice: "What do you do? Correct the situation, that's what you do! I don’t want to hear anything else until the material is on the table, understand?” At the same time, my pulse rises and I literally seethe with indignation. When the assistant disappears, I say to myself: “You can’t rely on anyone these days, everything have to do!" I got rid of from the assistant, creating a scripted "justification" for my belief that I am OK and others are not.

adult operation: I answer the assistant; "Well, your job is to fix things. I've got urgent work to do right now. So look for an opportunity to print the materials somewhere else as soon as possible. I'll see you at four, report back on the results." I bend over the report again, signaling that the conversation is over. I got rid of from an assistant, so now I can do my own thing, and we both remain OK.

I am not-OK, you are not-OK: non-engagement in interaction

The phone rings. The wife calls from home: "Something terrible has happened! The pipe burst, and while I managed to turn off the water, the entire carpet was flooded!"

scenario operation: In this case, I can take the position "I'm not OK, you're not OK." I say to myself: "I've had enough. This is beyond my strength. And you can't rely on your wife. It's all useless." I groan into the phone: "Listen, this is already beyond my strength. It's already been a day, it's too much." Without waiting for an answer, I hang up. I feel exhausted and depressed. Deep down, I solidified my belief that I and everyone else is not OK.

adult operation: Deciding to stay in the Adult state, I say, "Listen, it's over now. Wait until I get back. Then we'll see what we can do." I chose surgery non-involvement.

7. OK-site, personal change

Although we are constantly moving around the squares of the Lot, each of us has a "favorite" square in which we, acting according to the scenario, spend most of the time. It corresponds to the basic life position we took in childhood.

"I'm OK, you're OK" is healthy position. At the same time, I participate in life and the resolution of life's problems. I act in order to achieve the winning results I desire. This is the only position based on reality. If as a child I took the position "I'm not-OK, you're OK", then most likely I will play my scenario mainly from depressive positions, feeling inferior to other people. Without realizing it, I will choose feelings and behaviors that are unpleasant for me, "confirming" that I have determined my place in the world correctly. If I develop mental health problems, they will most likely be diagnosed as neurosis or depression. If I wrote a fatal script, it would probably end in suicide.

The childish attitude of "I'm OK, you're not OK" means that I will be living my script mostly from a defensive position, trying to rise above other people. At the same time, they are likely to perceive me as a suppressive, insensitive and aggressive person. Although this position is often called paranoid, it also fits the psychiatric diagnosis of character disorder. In a third-degree losing scenario, my final scene might involve killing or maiming other people.

If I took the "I'm not-OK, you're not-OK" attitude as a baby, my script will play out predominantly from barren positions. I will consider that this world and the people who inhabit it are bad, as well as myself. If I wrote a banal script, my negligent attitude to most of life's undertakings will run like a red thread through it. If I have a fatal scenario, the solution may be to "go crazy" and earn a psychotic diagnosis.

Like all other components of the script, life position can be changed. As a rule, this happens only as a result of an insight - a sudden direct-intuitive awareness of one's scenario - a course of therapy or some kind of strong life shock.

Often the process of changing one's life position is associated with a certain sequence of moving along the squares of the Site. If a person initially spends most of their time in Z-T-, their next stop will most likely be Z+T-. After spending some time in this main square for himself now, he will move into I-T +. The ultimate goal is to stay longer and longer in the I + T + square until it becomes the main place of residence.

It may seem strange that in order to go from I+T- to I+T+, people often need to go through I-T+. But, as therapeutic experience testifies, I + T-often turns out to be protective reaction against I-T+. Deciding that "I am OK and everyone else is not OK," the infant establishes himself in this position to protect himself from the painful realization of his inferiority and helplessness in the face of his parents. To really become an adult, a person needs to live through this childhood pain and get rid of it.

Conclusion

A person develops his position throughout life. First, he forms it, then strengthens or changes it. Life position cannot remain unchanged throughout life. Not every person will be able to radically change their previous beliefs and develop a new active life position, but they will certainly support or strengthen the already existing one, either positive or negative.

It is important to remember that there is no such thing as an "ideal" or "perfect" life position. The position must be corrected with every change that occurs in our lives. After all, on the way each of us meet various situations which "unsettle" and only thanks to our own efforts, flexibility in the approach to understanding what is happening, we will be able to achieve a successful solution, find a way out and cope with the situation.

The life position of a person must be formulated, and the addition to these seven keys is this: be kind to yourself. Few of us can infuse compassion-based kindness into our behavior towards others unless we first show kindness to ourselves.

These keys allow us to change and grow creatively, change the way we think. It goes without saying that by saying “no” to someone, without asking anyone for permission and in all other ways, showing our own independence, we can lose old friends, but if friendship with them was based on our weaknesses, complexes, and not on strengths of our personality, how good are they for us? But now, having new strength, we will make new friends who will be independent and strong people.

And if we find it necessary to hurt someone around us in order to give clarity and certainty to our own life, then in reality this means only one thing: we no longer want to silently endure if they hurt us, no longer want to let them put obstacles in our way. path to self-realization. Once we stop letting other people hurt us, we have the opportunity to use our newfound power to help them or someone else because we become caring and ready to show empathy to those around us.

In addition, it is then much easier for us to accept, without feeling offended or rejected, such situations when other people tell us “no”.

List of used literatures

1. V.V. Makarov. Lectures on psychology - 1999

2. Shchedrova G. "The goal of society is a person" 1995

3. Maksimov S.L. "Personality and Society" 1993.

4. Lukashevich Ch.P. "Psychology of education" 1996

5. Ian Stewart, Venn Joynes "Life Script" 1987

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Man's choice of life position

Every person is unique. His birth is the result of millions of patterns, accidents and coincidences. Its essence is complex and contradictory. However, like a house that relies on its foundation, the human personality relies on a system of basic beliefs and ideas about oneself, other people and the world around. These beliefs and ideas determine the life choice and behavior of a person, representing the existential attitude of his personality (it is also called a fixed (basic) emotional attitude, or life position).

The choice of a fixed position in life is carried out by the person himself, but to a large extent is determined by the family in which he was born and raised, and the immediate environment. The formation of this position begins from the first moments of life and, in general, ends by the age of seven. That is, it falls on a period when a small person does not yet have the stock of reliable knowledge about the world necessary for autonomous existence and therefore cannot fully realize the degree of seriousness of his decisions, which will be decisive in his fate.

As soon as the main life position has been determined, all actions, all human behavior is aimed at confirming and consolidating it.

Clarifying the above, it is important to report that the basic life position of a person develops even before birth. And every child before his birth believes that he is well and other people are well. I am good, you are good. You are the mother and those around her.

We conducted a large long-term survey on the detection of fixed emotional attitudes during intrauterine life. Two thousand people who were trained in psychotherapy on decades, on ship cruises, professional development cycles, age regression was carried out to the sensations and experiences of intrauterine life.

Due to the fact that for many the memory for the preschool period and early childhood is blocked by Parental prohibitions, we performed the regression in a trance state. The majority had a positive result, which means that it was possible to restore the experiences of intrauterine life.

Only two people in fetal life revealed the setting "I'm not well." The mother repeatedly tried to get rid of one of them with the help of criminal abortions. The mother of another suffered from a severe disease of the spine, and the developing fetus gave her additional pain that was difficult to bear.

The rest of the survey participants during fetal development had a fixed emotional attitude: "I am well - you are well." And this is very important! A mother inspires confidence in her baby, born or not yet. She fulfills her motherly duties, which combine unconditional love, sensitive concern for the needs of the baby and unwavering loyalty to him. The feeling of reliability and trust that arises in the child forms a basic idea of ​​his own identity, laying the foundation for a position of well-being: “I am well-being!”, “I am myself!”, “I become what others (my relatives) want to see me !

Unfortunately, in the future, most people's attitude towards themselves changes, forming a different life position, much less optimistic: "I'm not prosperous - you are prosperous." How does it happen?

Characteristics of the main life positions

"I am not well - you are well"

A person in our country is usually born in an extremely unfriendly, if not hostile, environment of a standard state institution, which, of course, is reflected in his further development. After all, this happens in public, often surrounded by strangers, uninterested people. They are unhappy that childbirth usually occurs at night. Sometimes unnecessarily stimulate labor activity. And this leads to injuries to the mother and child.

Medical students, and other people, often hear that modern women have forgotten how to give birth. Maybe there is some grain of truth in this. But what they forgot in maternity hospitals, yes, in general, they especially didn’t know how to treat women in labor with care and respect - this is all the time!

Mother in agony managed to give birth to a child. And indifferent people immediately take him away from her. Often for a long time. And now it depends on them when he will get to his mother again, how he will be fed and swaddled, in what temperature environment he will be, and what procedures, medicines and injections he will be prescribed.

Such a child develops a feeling of abandonment, helplessness and own uselessness. He evaluates himself: "I'm not well." And those around him, on whom he is completely dependent and who appear to him as huge omnipotent figures, are prosperous.

So very often in the first days of life, children born in our country form the attitude “I am not well - you are well”.

A fixed emotional position, having been formed, must be confirmed. And this does not have to wait long.

Everyone has their own experience with a lack of love in childhood. At this age, the child perceives especially well the information transmitted by direct physical contact. And much in the first months of a baby's life depends on the high sensitivity of his skin. An infant experiencing a lot of discomfort and crying out for help often does not receive it immediately, but only when obvious signs of ill health appear in his condition, so he can very soon learn to understand: in order to attract attention, you should get sick.

The resentment and humiliation of childhood restrict our freedom and drastically reduce our choices.

The child begins to walk. He is very awkward, falls, breaks dishes, spoils things. He is clumsy and ridiculed. He is often punished.

Then nursery, kindergarten, school. And everywhere the position “I am not well-off - you are well-being” is brought up, imposed, hammered. However, this is the most adaptive position for a Soviet person - a modest worker, humbly waiting for a reward.

A person with a negative image of his own "I" is burdened by the events and takes the blame for them. He is not confident enough in himself, does not claim success and results. He underestimates his work. Refuses to take initiative and responsibility, is prone to stress and often gets sick. Moreover, diseases develop slowly, proceed sluggishly, the recovery period is delayed for a long time.

He often experiences depression, suffers from neurosis, character disorders, is prone to self-destructive behavior: smoking, alcohol abuse, drugs. It is characterized by vegetovascular and psychosomatic disorders, decreased immunity. Typical gastritis, ulcers, diseases of the small and large intestines, biliary dyskinesia and renal colic. For women, disorders of the ovarian-menstrual cycle are characteristic, for men - prostatitis. They have reduced sexual desire and potency. Hypothyroidism, hypotension, dynamic disorders of cerebral circulation are typical, ischemic strokes are possible.

Such people are often sloppy in clothes, and in lifestyle. They choose for themselves scenarios of the unwinner or the vanquished.

Quite often they can be found at a doctor's appointment, among patients of somatic, psychiatric or narcological hospitals.

It is important to note that most members of our society carry a fixed emotional attitude "I am not well - you are well" throughout their lives. We meet them constantly and everywhere. They live hard and sad. They have an impact on others, and it is not easy for us along with them. “I assume that you know (you know how to do it), but I don’t” - their thesis. Withdrawal, depression is their strategy. Passivity is their social position. And yet it is not the most minor setting. There is another one: "I am not well - you are not well."

“I am not well - you are not well”

Such a person is not energetic enough; rather, he is apathetic, prone to depression, passive hostility towards himself and others. Unable to be persistent. He is constantly haunted by failure, and he got used to it. He does not have a creative approach to work and life in general.

From his point of view, he does not deserve a positive assessment and praise. Moreover, he does not perceive them or even hears them. He is gloomy, ironic, difficult to communicate. His passivity eventually forms a negative attitude towards him of those around him. With his untidy, scandalous clothes, appearance, smell emanating from clothes and body, he constantly declares: "I'm not all right - You're not all right."

This is an attitude of hopeless despair, when life is useless and full of disappointments. Man is powerless and others cannot help him. It remains to sink to the bottom and wait for death.

The installation of trouble develops in a child deprived of attention, abandoned, when others are indifferent and not interested in him. Or when a person has suffered a great loss and does not have the resources for his own recovery, when everyone around him has turned away from the person and he is deprived of support.

Such people suffer from many different diseases. It's depression and apathy. Various colds, infectious and somatic diseases caused by reduced immunity. They have a sharply suppressed sexual desire, reduced potency. Women have limited opportunities to become pregnant and give birth.

For them, all health disorders caused by self-destructive behavior are typical: excessive smoking, abuse of alcohol and its surrogates, narcotic and toxic substances. Moreover, they prefer especially harmful and especially toxic substances. Characterized by injuries to the body, as well as the skull and brain and their consequences.

Diseases and health disorders in them proceed for a long time. For the most part, such people are slowly "breaking down." The diseases themselves flow sluggishly, accompanied by complications. The recovery period is getting longer. There are often associated comorbidities. The drugs used to treat them have many side effects and complications. Often they suffer from several diseases at once. And it is not possible to understand where one ended and another began.

Only a part of people with the “I am not well - you are not well” attitude lives in society. Many of them spend their lives waiting for the end in narcological, psychiatric and somatic hospitals, homes for the chronically ill, in places of detention. Many today are simply thrown out of life and complete their sad life path on the street, filling the ranks of the homeless. They have neither the strength nor the resources to fight. And they don't expect help. “Everything is useless and meaningless in this world and nothing depends on me” is their motto. The strategy is either a long wait for the end, or suicide.

The next setting is not so pessimistic. And yet, its carriers deliver a lot of worries and inconvenience to others. It is formulated as follows: "I am well - you are not well."

"I am well - you are not well"

This is an attitude of arrogant superiority. Such a person tells himself and the world: "I'm all right - you're not all right." He looks swaggering and smug. In whatever activity he participates, he always exaggerates his role, his contribution to the overall result.

It is difficult to communicate with him. He seeks to suppress and belittle others. He uses people as tools to achieve his goals. When the cup of patience of others overflows, they leave him. He is temporarily left alone, feeling like a failure.

Gradually, some are returning to it. In his environment there are also new people who are ready to obey and endure humiliation. The first to return are “professional” sycophants and people with the attitude “I am not well - you are well”: being next to him, they can experience pain and humiliation, in quantities sufficient to justify their passive life position. In addition, people with the attitude “I am not well - you are not well” can also be involved in this circle.

And now, our "hero" is again absorbed in the struggle. He terrorizes loved ones, discovers enemies, starts proceedings. He puts together groups and coalitions. He is always an uninvited adviser who supposedly knows everything better than anyone.

Such a person strives to stand out both with his own clothes and the brand of the car. He loves uniforms, special styles, everything exotic, unusual, exclusive.

This fixed emotional set may be formed in early childhood or later in life.

In childhood, it can develop according to two mechanisms of psychogenesis. In one case, the family in every possible way emphasizes the superiority of the baby over its other members and people around them. Such a child grows up in an atmosphere of reverence, forgiveness and humiliation of others. For him, this is a natural environment, and he does not know another.

Once the attitude is determined, the person does everything to constantly confirm it. He does it relentlessly. And his whole life is a struggle.

The second mechanism of development is triggered if the child is constantly in conditions that threaten his health and even life. For example, when a child is mistreated. And when he recovers from another humiliation, in order to overcome his helplessness, humiliation, or simply to survive, he concludes: “I am well” in order to free myself from feelings of hopelessness, dependence on his offenders and those who did not protect him: “You are not prosperous." Such people actively strive to become leaders and leaders. Some of them become leaders of the underworld.

Typical forms of pathology for this emotional attitude: hypertension, bronchial asthma, myocardial infarction, hemorrhagic stroke, hysteria with all the variety of its clinical manifestations.

His mottos are "I don't care, that's your problem!" or "I know better what you need." Strategy - destruction, annihilation, deliverance. Social positions, roles - a revolutionary, a participant in public campaigns, a fighter for the truth.

So, we have already considered three fixed emotional installations.

It is important to note that often they are not realized by a person and, accordingly, cannot be formulated by him independently, and even in the case when he easily determines the life positions of others.

And only one existential position is usually conscious and can be formulated by its bearer. This position has not yet been fully considered by us. We started with it, then broke off, considering the mechanisms for switching to other types of installations. Now we turn again to its description.

"I am well - you are well"

This is the optimistic attitude of a person who believes: “I am well - the world is well”, “I am doing well - everything is good in the world”.

Such a person maintains good relations with others. He is accepted by other people, responsive, inspires trust, trusts others and is self-confident. Ready to live in a changing world. He is internally free and, whenever possible, avoids conflicts. Often tries not to waste time fighting with himself or with someone around him.

This is the fixed emotional set of a successful, healthy person. Such a person, by his behavior, relationships with other people, his whole way of life, says: “Everything is all right with me - everything is all right with you.”

As mentioned above, this fixed emotional set is often formed even before birth, in fetal life. For some people, it does not change during childbirth. This happens only when childbirth is not accompanied by severe mental trauma. In our country, this does not happen often.

Living and developing in very good conditions, the baby reinforces the optimistic attitude. This attitude in infancy is especially pronounced when the child suckles the mother's breast. This is a state of special full contact and complete mutual understanding, when the baby is in harmony with the world, and the world is in harmony with him.

The child gradually forms for himself the position of a successful, healthy personality. He believes that his parents are reliable, beloved and loving people who can be trusted. And parents trust their child.

Such a child is ready to form his life scenario of the winner. He voluntarily assumes obligations and at the same time does not bend under the load of constant “I must”, “this is how it should be”, “this must be done”.

People with the well-being mindset are usually somatically healthy or suffer from illnesses that do not reveal a psychological origin.

Their motto is "Health, well-being, prosperity!". Their strategy is cooperation, development. Their social roles- winner, lucky.

The latest performances about existential life positions in the eastern version of transactional analysis

So what, a fixed emotional set is for life? Some people have it. Having once acquired a specific installation, they confirm it all their lives. And the rest of their emotional positions are weakly expressed. It can be said that their fixed emotional attitude is rigid. People with rigid attitudes constantly reaffirm their position and feel uncomfortable moving to any of the other three existential attitudes. Our training and therapy experience has led us to discover people with a fixed position of well-being or disadvantage. Moreover, only one position is rigidly fixed. Let's say "I'm not well." Such a person easily goes from "I am not well - You are well" to "I am not well - You are not well". Whereas the other two attitudes are not found in him at all or appear very rarely. When the position “You are well” is rigidly fixed, such a client moves from the position “I am not well - you are well” to the position “I am well - you are well”

Other people's emotional attitudes may change. And such people, according to our data, are a significant majority among successful people.

The variety of situations in which a person finds himself in the first years of his life creates the prerequisites for the formation of all four types of emotional attitudes in him. At the same time, each of the attitudes allows the child to consciously or unconsciously "fit" into interactions of a certain type and thus receive from those around him what he needs. For example, just ask in one case, categorically, with anguish demand - in the other, deserve - in the third and humbly wait until they notice him and ask, or refuse altogether - in the fourth. So, in order to satisfy their needs in a particular situation, a small person has to think, feel and behave in a certain way. The type of interaction prevailing in the family reinforces the appropriate emotional attitude of the child and fixes it. And the child gets used to it, and the world seems safe and predictable only when the child feels in accordance with this setting. And he tries to live in such a way that he constantly confirms it for himself and others. And when life circumstances change, and you can get what you want only by changing your position, you experience emotional discomfort, anxiety, or more specific negative emotions, which are aggravated by the fact that their reasons are not completely clear to him, because without special training you can realize only one emotional attitude out of four possible.

Experiencing the pressure of installations of trouble, a person feels helplessness, impotence. He loses his footing in life and is looking for ways to return to the lost paradise. You remember that “I am well and the world is well” is the very first attitude of a person entering this world. To return to it again, some use mentally active substances, replacing true experiences of well-being with surrogates for happiness. Others restore their basic trust in the world through religion. God becomes a loving parent who is merciful to his children. And those, in turn, entrust their life and destiny into the hands of the Lord, receiving in return peace and tranquility.

When realizing their dominant emotional position, many people think about becoming more fortunate or changing their position to a fixed emotional setting: "I am well - you are well." Awareness of a position is already a significant advance towards changing it.

Decoding the content of the position and replacing its individual fragments with favorable ones can lead to a change in the existential attitude. This process takes place in stages, through a number of intermediate positions. This is one of the accepted ways of psychotherapeutic change in the prevailing fixed emotional set.

Education is the process of forming a certain life position. Psychotherapy is a long way to realize what has already been formed, to know one's capabilities and to find a new, more prosperous position in life. Or, as they say, re-education.

There is another way. It is much shorter, but only those who are able to love can pass it. Falling in love, a person is transformed, and, having experienced a shared feeling, he transforms his world, building new relationships, using such possibilities of his soul that he had not previously imagined.

Thus, we have considered four main life positions. A person with the prevailing attitude “I am not prosperous - you are prosperous” believes that his life is worth little, unlike the lives of others - worthy and prosperous people.

A person with the attitude “I am not well - you are not well” believes that both his life and the lives of other people are worth nothing at all.

A person with the “I am well - you are not well” attitude considers his life very valuable, but does not value the life of another person.

A person with the “I am well - you are well” attitude believes that the life of every person is worth living and being happy.

In these binary positions, each well-being position implies inner freedom, activity, efficiency and optimism; while every position of unhappiness is a limitation inner freedom, passivity and pessimism.

Stress and attitudes

Analyzing data on the dynamics of facial expressions, postures and movements, the state of the skin, somatic and verbal components of the stress response, T. Keiler suggested that in a stressful situation, a person in a short period of time (seconds or minutes) cyclically reproduces a number of emotional attitudes that were previously formed during long years. He called this sequence a mini-scenario (see Fig. 1).

The mini-script, in our experience, is the best tool for psychotherapy with redirecting the client of responsibility for his life.

The reaction begins with the first position of conditional well-being "I am well - you are well-being." Conditional, because before the stress a person felt more prosperous than during his experience.

Rice. 1. Mini scenario

The second position in the mini-scenario reflects the life attitude "I am not well - you are well." The most vivid feelings are resentment, guilt, embarrassment. Thoughts appear - “Why did this happen to me?”, “For what?”, “I deserved it.”

For example, I could not be at my best or made a mistake that led to a negative result. I am disappointed. And then I conclude: "I did not manage to cope with the problem, therefore I am not well" and feel embarrassed and guilty that I could not meet other people's expectations. And if I decided in childhood that in case of failure I would always take the blame on myself, now I am again replaying these early childhood decisions and experiencing unpleasant feelings from childhood: guilt, resentment, embarrassment, helplessness. And my attitude is "I'm not well - you are well"

The third position is the position of the Accuser. If in childhood I decided that it is better to blame others for everything, then I can immediately move from the first position to the third. At the same time, I triumphantly condemn, make caustic remarks from the position of my own impeccability, sometimes falling into a “noble” frenzy. "I am well - you are not well." This is a way to defend yourself by rebelling. If we continue our example, then the arguments are as follows - “No one is perfect!”, “They themselves have a stigma in the cannon!”, “Look at yourself!”.

Position four - disappointed. If I decide that "I am not well and you are not well," then from the second or third position I can get into the fourth position. I will experience feelings of helplessness, frustration and hopelessness.

If I was lucky with my parents or I went through psychotherapy, then I will not fall below the first level. However, depending on the dominant life position, a person can “get stuck” in any of the four positions of the mini-scenario. Sometimes these stops last for years. For example, clients who come to therapy with PTSD that have lasted for more than 2 years usually choose not to leave the mini-script triangle. They move along the small triangle in positions 2-3-4, actually staying in it and acquiring secondary benefits. In the following, we will explore the mini-scenario triangle and working with PTSD clients in more detail.

Three Approaches to Basic Life Positions

Earlier we looked at one of three popular approaches to basic life positions. It is called the binary attitudes of well-being.

In the second, somewhat more complicated version, nine ternary attitudes of well-being can be considered. These are variants of the tripartite positions: I - You - They.

The third approach also identifies three levels of well-being. And each of them, in turn, is divided into three. Thus, each person can put himself on one of the nine rungs of an imaginary ladder. And if the first approach provides more for understanding one's own fixed emotional set, then in the third approach there are more opportunities for making specific changes to it.

Let's take a closer look at this third approach.

It distinguishes three levels of existential attitudes: losers, average peasants and successful ones. In turn, in each of the levels, three sublevels can be found (see Fig. 2, p. 52).

Fig 2. Levels of well-being

In the group of losers, we distinguish: a loser of the III degree - absolute, or a frog; a loser of the II degree - a complete loser and a loser of the I degree - a weak loser.

Among the middle peasants: a middle peasant of the III degree - a weak middle peasant, a koekaker; middle peasant of the II degree - a complete middle peasant, a measurer; middle peasant of the 1st degree - a strong middle peasant, an unlucky person.

Among the lucky ones: a lucky one of the III degree - a weak, fragile lucky one; lucky II degree - complete lucky; lucky I degree - absolute lucky, prince.

In this approach, a group of successful people is especially attracted. The psychotherapeutic approach we are developing is aimed at the transition of a person to the number of successful people or the transition within this group to a higher level.

Now about everything in order.

Losers are people who almost never achieve the goals they set for themselves. And for achievements, even small ones, they pay too high a price. They give up claims for results, success; often deprived of comfort in their life path. Many of them think hard about how they will behave during the "general" retribution for their failures. When they accumulate material values, they do it for the sake of that very “rainy day”, which, in their opinion, will someday come. When they start any business, they pre-program themselves for failure and are busy “laying straws” in those places where they will definitely fall in case of an inevitable catastrophe. As you can see, such people predict failure in advance and unconsciously bring it closer by their actions.

The middle peasants are those who are content with the little that they manage to achieve day by day, patiently bearing their burden. They avoid risk and possible losses. They limit themselves, their achievements, their comfort in life. They always just make ends meet. Avoid risk. They often think about what will happen when they fail. However, they are fixated on failure to a lesser extent than the representatives of the previous group.

Successful people are those who achieve their goals, take risks, fulfill contracts, agreements concluded with themselves. Successful people provide for themselves and their loved ones the desired level of comfort.

Losers

Losers manipulate themselves and other people, shifting responsibility for their problems to others. Most of the time they play roles, pretend, repeating patterns of behavior learned in childhood and expending energy on maintaining masks and restraining their activity. They are constantly afraid of being in trouble. They are immersed in games with themselves and others, and these games replace reality for them, making them unable to be honest and frank with other people and, especially, with themselves. This can be established by reconstructing and listening to dialogues between human subpersonalities. At the same time, they direct all their efforts and thoughts to live in accordance with the expectations of other people. And, ultimately, the loser throughout life is someone else, not himself.

Many of them dream fruitlessly of a miracle that will make them happy without any effort on their part. In the meantime, they wait and remain passive.

They destroy the present by focusing on the past or the future, often experiencing anxiety in the present and fleeing from it.

Anxiety and anxiety distort their perception of reality. They prevent themselves from seeing, hearing, feeling, understanding. They see themselves and others in a distorted mirror. And they live surrounded by crooked mirrors.

They often lie. And both to those around you, and to yourself. Lying is just a way of life for them. And every year more and more of it in their lives.

However, they usually manage to rationalize their actions, explain the defeat. This does not always work out immediately after another failure. Sometimes this takes time. But it always brings comfort.

Such people are afraid of everything new. With all their might, they cling to their usual status. And often they are not even aware of the possibilities for a more productive fulfillment of their life path. We can say that they live other people's lives: popular personalities - stars, movie characters, books. Sometimes relatives or just neighbors. After all, they do not even want to realize their originality, uniqueness.

The actions, actions and arguments of losers are predictable. They do not love themselves, so they have little access to love for their neighbor.

Middle peasants

The group of the middle peasants is formed by three subgroups, whose representatives can be called the little-lucky, the extreme measurers and the koekakers. These people constitute the "golden mean" of society. They are constantly preoccupied with making ends meet. And they succeed in this, really only making ends meet and nothing more.

Day by day they carry their burden, while winning a little, but not losing much either. They do not rise to heights and do not fall into abysses. They do not know how to take risks, avoid risk and consider it unjustified. Their life is calm and devoid of surprises.

D. Ron (1998) writes that the world is full of people whose decisions are aimed at destroying their own chances of success.

Every day we have dozens of moments when we are at a crossroads and we need to make decisions on both small and large issues. Choosing a solution gives us the opportunity to build the quality of our future. We must be ready to make decisions in advance. The moment of choice requires from us knowledge and philosophy, developed by us on the basis of this knowledge, which will either serve us or nullify all our efforts, D. Ron believes.

lucky ones

The totalitarian, unified system of education masterfully reproduced the losers and the middle peasants, while the successful ones were a "by-product". Therefore, many need therapy, since fragments from losers and middle peasants are literally soldered into the structure of their personality.

Successful people achieve their goals, fulfill contracts concluded with themselves. Successful people provide themselves with comfortable living conditions. They act consciously, productively, have a sense of perspective. Able to develop different strategies of behavior, approach problems from different winning points of view.

The lucky person considers many possibilities and chooses a few from them. He takes into account real circumstances, tries different ways of moving towards the result, until he achieves success. Able to set and achieve long-term goals. Avoids concentrating all resources on a single goal. This ensures that life's dead ends are avoided.

Representatives of this group do not bind themselves with rigid patterns of behavior. Act according to changing circumstances. React according to the situation. And they can change their plans in accordance with changing conditions.

Able to separate facts from opinions, projects from the realities of life. They are able to consider problems both from the point of view of people's behavior and their interests. Value time. And they act based on the facts and realities of life.

Strive to please others. After all, doing something nice for another person is even good for your own health. Do not use manipulation of people as a means of achieving comfort and security. In particular, they allow themselves to lie only when it is absolutely necessary for them.

They know how to rejoice in their own achievements, to be spontaneous. To enjoy work, communication, nature, sex, food. And they know how to delay pleasure. It is the ability to endure pleasure in time that seems to be an important feature of the successful.

Successful people set themselves up for success, for results. They have the ability to express their fundamental beliefs without condemning and humiliating other people. Able to help other people find their own way without exhausting advice.

For successful people, the main thing in life is to be authentic, to learn new things, to realize oneself. Increasingly allow yourself the luxury of frankness and honesty, openness and responsiveness. They take responsibility and allow themselves to claim.

Successful people successfully refuse both the manipulation of other people and the complete dependence on anyone. They are their own leaders. Avoid feelings of reverence for anyone and references to false authorities.

Successful people often live in order to fully realize their human potential, to make the world a better place, so that they themselves, those around them, both near and far, would be better, and they could achieve happiness.

Awareness of luck can increase its level.

According to D. Rohn (1998), as our results suffer, our position begins to weaken. And as our attitudes towards life begin to immediately shift from positive to negative, our self-confidence drops further... and so on.

If we want to be successful, we will constantly watch the thin line between success and failure, identify the inner drives to repeat ineffective actions that sometimes cost us dearly, and learn to find and use new ways to achieve our goals.

Let's name the criteria for differentiation within the group of successful people.

A successful person of the III degree is a capable person who achieves results through the long-term development of his abilities. A lucky man of the II degree is a gifted person who achieves results by work, on the basis of natural prerequisites. Lucky I degree - a talent or genius, easily and freely achieving outstanding results. Geniuses are born, and every person is born a genius. Unfortunately, only a few know in which area they are brilliant.

A lucky person of the III degree is focused on owning, accumulating, having. A successful person of the II degree directs his efforts to become someone, to achieve the desired result, or to receive according to his achievements, his contribution. A successful person of the 1st degree strives to take place, to realize his abilities to the fullest extent, and the categories “to be” and “to have” for him are formed on their own, without special fixation on this.

The 3rd Degree Lucky person lives in a world where “should” and “should” rule, and there is little room for “can” and “want.” In the world of the successful II degree, “I can” and “I want”, “must” and “should” coexist with each other without conflict. Whereas for a successful person of the 1st degree, “I can”, “I want”, “I must” and “should” simply coincide.

A successful person of the III degree often achieves a result after many attempts, and only sometimes he is lucky. He takes risks with great caution and on trifles. A successful person of the II degree achieves a result in one or two attempts, carefully and justifiably taking risks and controlling the situation. He often gets lucky. A successful person of the 1st degree follows the most direct path, achieves results on the first try, easily and freely, willingly taking risks and having fun. He's always lucky.

For a successful person of the III degree, most of his daily work seems to him a joyless duty, mostly only the results please him. A lucky person of the II degree habitually performs his work, part of which brings joy. A lucky person of the 1st degree is engaged in what gives him joy and pleasure.

A successful person of the III degree easily returns to the position of the middle peasant and even the loser. To return to their previous positions, he needs significant efforts. With great difficulty, a successful person of the III degree moves to the level of a more successful person and easily descends from it. A lucky person of the II degree is more stable in his luck, with great difficulty descends to lower positions. A lucky person of the 1st degree moves to lower levels with difficulty and for a very short time.

The lucky III degree does not always complete the work begun. It is characterized by procrastination, getting stuck in the execution process to the detriment of the result. The lucky II degree completes what he started, although sometimes with a significant delay. A successful person of the 1st degree always completes what he started and goes to receive the fruits of his activity in the shortest way.

They differ from each other in their response to stress. The lucky III degree sometimes fails, falls into despondency. A lucky man of the II degree wins and survives, and this is sometimes difficult for him. The lucky one of the 1st degree wins easily, diverting only a part of his resources to the fight, sometimes without even noticing the stress.

Therapeutic questionnaires to identify the level of a fixed emotional set

We have developed and use therapeutic questionnaires that allow us to measure the level of a person's fixed emotional attitude, to reveal those qualities that hinder an increase in the level of luck. By working on each characteristic, trait, or problem that leads to reduced luck, we increase the level of luck for that characteristic. This psychotherapeutic work is carried out individually or in a group.

The questionnaire is suitable for individual, group and independent work. Before proceeding to the main variants of the questionnaires, let us dwell on the screening version. This version is supposed to get a quick result that does not claim to be accurate. Here we find out how interested and ready the subject is to work with questionnaires, how effective such work can be. We also use screening when we operate under conditions of temporary shortage. For example, only one consultation or a presentation educational course. Here are the instructions for filling out and the text of the questionnaire.

Screening

For each question or statement, it is important for you to choose one of the three possible answers. Please choose quickly without hesitation. Underline or circle the number that represents your answer:

Always, very true - 3 points;

Sometimes, not definitely - 2 points;

Never quite right - 1 point.

IN MY LIFE I:

I use the opportunity to realize myself.

I rejoice in my achievements.

I evaluate myself in terms of: “What will people say?”

In my affairs I expect failure, so as not to be disappointed when they occur.

I take advantage of justified risk.

I act according to the changing situation.

I take responsibility.

I strive to avoid unproductive worry and anxiety.

I bring to completion the things I started.

I love hearing the praise I deserve.

When calculating the results, we add up all the answers. Moreover, in questions 3 and 4, the answer of 1 point is taken into account as 3 points, and the answer of 3 points as 1 point. A sum from 10 points to 15 can correspond to a loser. The amount from 15 to 25 points - the average. And from 25 to 30 points to the lucky one.

The main version of the questionnaire

More accurate information can be obtained using the main version of the questionnaire. It consists of the text of the Questionnaire A, the sheet of the assessment scale of the Questionnaire A, the answer form No. 1 of the Questionnaire A, the answer form No. 2 of the Questionnaire A, the formula for obtaining the final value for the Questionnaire A, the Questionnaire B.

A total score of 7 corresponds to a successful 1st degree.

A total score of 6 corresponds to a successful 2nd degree.

A total score of 5 corresponds to a successful 3rd degree and an average 1st degree.

The total score of 4 corresponds to the average of the 2nd degree.

The total score of 3 corresponds to the average of the 3rd degree.

And a loser of the 1st degree.

A total score of 2 corresponds to a failure of the 2nd degree.

A total score of 1 corresponds to a failure of the 3rd degree.

It is noteworthy that the group of middle peasants, especially those of the 3rd and 1st degrees, is difficult to differentiate, on the one hand, from the successful 3rd degree and, on the other hand, from the losers of the 1st degree. Questionnaire B was introduced for such differentiation. The latter consists of 10 questions with alternative answers. The answer "Yes" corresponds to the choice of the middle peasant.

It is noteworthy that 1st degree winners and 3rd degree losers are characterized by extreme responses. Where 1st degree winners choose "Always" (categorically yes, very true), 3rd degree losers choose "Never" (categorically no, very wrong). Grade 2 successes and Grade 2 losers often choose the answers "Almost always" (yes, true) or "Almost never" (no, false). Moreover, their choices are also opposite. Where the lucky one chooses "Almost always," the loser chooses "Almost never."

Successful 3, Average 1, 2, 3, and Unsuccessful 1 degree choose answers "Often" (rather yes, rather true) or "Rarely" (rather not, rather false) or "Uncertain".

We use this therapeutic questionnaire in both individual and group therapy. It is also suitable for self-analysis. In all cases, it can be used in several ways. In the simplest version, the respondent asks himself the question: what is my fixed emotional setting at the present time? And gives one answer to each question of the questionnaire. The second option involves three evaluations. The subject answers the questions: what was I, what am I, what do I want to become? Moreover, he finds a significant time for himself in the past and evaluates what he was then. Then evaluates itself in the present. And the third time evaluates itself in the future. What he wants to become at a certain point in his life path.

Here is the text of the questionnaire, the sheet of the rating scale and the form for entering answers.

Questionnaire text A

IN MY LIFE I:

1. I set myself up for good luck.

2. I use the opportunity to realize myself.

3. I rejoice in my achievements.

4. I use the opportunity to learn new things.

5. I use the opportunity to be open to other people.

6. Evaluate myself in terms of what people will say.

7. In my affairs I expect failure, so as not to be disappointed when they occur.

8. I enjoy communication.

9. I am lucky.

10. I enjoy my work.

11. Avoid dependency on the past.

12. I can express my beliefs.

13. I enjoy nature.

14. I use opportunities for justified risk.

15. Plan several ways to achieve each important goal.

16. I enjoy sex.

17. I trust people.

18. I love to listen to the praise I deserve.

19. Act according to changing situations.

20. I value time.

21. I enjoy food.

22. Panic to achieve multiple goals at the same time.

23. I trust myself.

24. I maintain friendly relations with others.

25. I persist in matters that are important to me.

26. Avoid conflicts.

27. Self-confident.

28. I enjoy my favorite art.

29. I accept responsibility.

30. I enjoy sleep.

31. I change my plans according to circumstances.

32. I strive to be independent of the future.

33. Looking for ways to be successful.

34. I act consciously.

35. I have a vision of perspective.

36. I consider each situation from different, advantageous points of view for me.

37. I set myself long-term goals.

38. I am sure that the most important thing in my life is to realize myself as fully as possible.

39. I separate real, objective facts from people's subjective opinions.

40. I consider many possibilities and choose a few of them.

41. I live in the present.

42. I avoid shifting responsibility for my affairs to others.

43. I strive to avoid unproductive worry and anxiety.

44. I consider myself the master of my own destiny.

45. I strive to overcome self-limitations.

46. ​​I am characterized by inner freedom.

47. I bring to completion the things I started.

48. What I wish to do coincides with what I must do.

49. I reach my goal in the shortest way.

50. I strive to ascend to my highest peak.

51. I dream of a miracle that will change my life for the better.

52. I perform deeds and actions out of a sense of duty.

53. I'm late because I decide what to do, what to choose.

54. I avoid the unknown, the unfamiliar, the new.

55. I give advice to other people with great care and after careful consideration.

56. I strive to think well about myself and about other people.

57. I strive to highlight and use the positive aspects of everything that happens to me and around.

Questionnaire score sheet A

The rating scale sheet contains instructions for completing the answer sheet and a table of answer values. Let's bring him.

Rating scale sheet

Your attention is invited to questions and statements. Please answer them by choosing one of the seven answers that is most correct for you. Please work dynamically and especially do not think about the answers. Please enter your answers on the answer sheet by putting one of the seven numbers against the number of each question. If you are unable to enter an answer right away, circle the question number and return to it after completing the questionnaire. Please note that only those who answer all the questions will receive the most complete information about themselves.

Your score // The value of the score in points

Almost always, YES, right // 6

Often, rather YES, rather true // 5

Undefined // 4

Rarely, rather NO, not true // 3

Almost never, NO, not true // 2

ANSWER FORM No. 1 QUESTIONNAIRE A

After reading the question or statement in the text of questionnaire A, put down for each question one of the values ​​of the rating scale sheet.

Question No:: Grade Value:: Question No:: Grade Value

ANSWER FORM No. 2 QUESTIONNAIRE A

After reading the question or statement in the text of Questionnaire A, write down three answers for each question: I was, now I am, in the future I want to become.

Question No.: I was, I am, I want to become (rating value, 3 answers) :: Question No.: I was, I am, I want to become (Evaluation value, 3 answers)

1. ___ ___ ___ 29. ___ ___ ___

2. ___ ___ ___ 30. ___ ___ ___

3. ___ ___ ___ 31. ___ ___ ___

4. ___ ___ ___ 32. ___ ___ ___

5. ___ ___ ___ 33. ___ ___ ___

6. ___ ___ ___ 34. ___ ___ ___

7. ___ ___ ___ 35. ___ ___ ___

8. ___ ___ ___ 36. ___ ___ ___

9. ___ ___ ___ 37. ___ ___ ___

10. ___ ___ ___ 38. ___ ___ ___

11. ___ ___ ___ 39. ___ ___ ___

12. ___ ___ ___ 40. ___ ___ ___

13. ___ ___ ___ 41. ___ ___ ___

14. ___ ___ ___ 42. ___ ___ ___

15. ___ ___ ___ 43. ___ ___ ___

16. ___ ___ ___ 44. ___ ___ ___

17. ___ ___ ___ 45. ___ ___ ___

18. ___ ___ ___ 46. ___ ___ ___

19. ___ ___ ___ 47. ___ ___ ___

20. ___ ___ ___ 48. ___ ___ ___

21. ___ ___ ___ 49. ___ ___ ___

22. ___ ___ ___ 50. ___ ___ ___

23. ___ ___ ___ 51. ___ ___ ___

24. ___ ___ ___ 52. ___ ___ ___

25. ___ ___ ___ 53. ___ ___ ___

26. ___ ___ ___ 54. ___ ___ ___

27. ___ ___ ___ 55. ___ ___ ___

28. ___ ___ ___ 56. ___ ___ ___

The key to the questionnaire is given in the appendix at the end of the book.

As already mentioned above, the group of middle peasants, especially those of the 1st and 3rd degrees, is difficult to differentiate, on the one hand, from the successful 3rd degree and, on the other hand, from the losers of the 1st degree. Questionnaire B was introduced for such differentiation. The latter consists of 10 questions with alternative answers. The answer "Yes" corresponds to the choice of the middle peasant.

Here is the text of Questionnaire B. As already mentioned, it is designed to differentiate the middle peasants from the losers of the 1st degree and the successful ones of the 3rd degree. And it is used when it is necessary to carry out such differentiation. For each of the ten questions or statements, it is important to choose for yourself one of the given answers: “YES” or “No” and circle it.

Questionnaire b

1. I prefer a calm, measured life without stress and worries. Not really

2. I avoid risk, because by risking you can lose everything. Not really

3. A person is the "golden mean" in business, success and life - this is about me. Not really

4. Everything in my life is at least no worse than others. Not really

5. In life, I refuse to achieve heights, but I do not fall into the abyss either. Not really

6. I always make ends meet. Not really

7. I think that I am the same as many others around me. Not really

8. In the end, everything that happens is for the best. Not really

9. I am no worse or better than others. Not really

10. I check the possible consequences many times and only then do the deed. Not really

To change a fixed emotional attitude, it is decoded. It is carried out by understanding what is unlucky or low level of luck in a particular important quality. To do this, the selected answers are disclosed in questionnaire A. And with those characteristics, where numerical values below the required level, special therapeutic work is carried out. Much remains to be done in this exciting and exciting work.

It is important to reiterate that these questionnaires are therapeutic and are simply not intended to diagnostic work! In fact, they are stimulus material for psychotherapy or introspection.

It must be said that patients who show a low level of luck do not always strive to move from the category of frogs to princes. Many of them wish to remain frogs, only to live in a more comfortable swamp.

The more pronounced the problems and illnesses of a person, the stronger his need to reinforce his existing existential position.

Some people have mixed life positions. Such people are still childhood can decide to be successful I degree (princes) in work, middle peasants II degree (extreme measures) in terms of material well-being and failures III degree (frogs) in their personal lives. We have given a therapeutic diagnosis that expresses the important life decisions of many people. A significant number of such people could be met in the Soviet era in research institutions, academic campuses.

However, with mixed life positions, many other sets of existential solutions are possible. They often come to light during the psychotherapeutic process. And I must say that it is often easier to change such life positions than monolithic ones. True, the changes themselves may not be very sustainable.

Concluding the section on fixed existential positions, we present two expressions of the founder of transactional analysis, E. Berne.

The lucky ones are able to bring trouble to others only indirectly, touching onlookers in the battles going on between them. However, sometimes touching millions. The greatest problems for themselves and others are brought by losers. Even having risen to the top, they remain losers, and when retribution comes, they draw other people into it. The loser falling from the top carries with him everyone he can only reach. Therefore, sometimes it is important to ensure that a sufficient distance is maintained from the losers. And one more quote.

The lucky one is the one who becomes the captain of the team, dates the May Queen and wins at poker. The middle peasant is also in the team. Only during matches, he does not run close to the ball, he makes an appointment with an extra, and in a poker game he remains “with his own people”, that is, without winning or losing. The loser doesn't get on the team, doesn't make a date, and in a game of poker is lost in smoke.

Each person can significantly increase their level of luck. You can start it without delay, right now. Important here is knowledge in the field of emotional interactions - stroking and kicking.

strokes

Strokes, kicks, interactions without feeling

An analysis of the fixed emotional attitudes of Soviet and post-Soviet people shows that one of the most common causes of failure and health problems is low self-esteem and a low level of self-esteem. More precisely, unjustifiably low self-esteem and an unjustifiably low level of self-esteem.

Research in this area shows that most people have not formed internal reserves. good relationship to yourself. And whoever does not love himself is hardly capable of loving others.

Self-respect, self-love are formed by accumulating facts of recognition of one's own merits, results, and merits.

In the language of transactional analysis, a unit of recognition or simply recognition is called a stroke. More precisely, when this unit causes positive emotions. When it causes negative emotions - we call it a kick. When there is no recognition or emotion in the interaction, we call it a feelingless or indifferent interaction. Every human interaction contains strokes, kicks, or indifference (interactions without feeling).

Communicating, we send a signal to the partner “I'm here! Answer me!". This stimulus requires a response. The reaction of a partner can cause us positive or negative feelings, emotions. We interpret them as stroking or kicking. If the partner did not answer us in any way, did not notice, did not single out, we experience confusion, embarrassment, confusion. We evaluate his behavior as indifference to us.

We can confidently say that our life proceeds in kicks and strokes. It is they who give us the energy to accomplish. They make up our bank of strokes and kicks. And this bank largely determines our self-esteem and self-respect. Moreover, our inner potential. And, therefore, the ability to claim and act largely depends on the quality and quantity of funds invested by us in this bank. And the most unpleasant and poorly tolerated by us interaction is interaction without feelings, indifference. When there is not enough influx of feelings, a person's personality simply stops developing.

Stroking gives some people more energy, kicks give others more energy. Still, it can be concluded that the value of strokes is higher. After all, we can turn to stroking many times, take its energy and strengthen the stroking itself and its energy content. While turning to the kick and taking its energy, we often fall to the ground than soar up. With our successful activity, we get rid of the negative energy of the kick, spending a significant amount of strength and energy of stroking. To get rid of negative energy and oppressive emotions of kicks, and not to accumulate them in oneself, is a special skill and art that is important to master. For it allows you to get rid of negative emotions. At the same time, when analyzing the lives of especially successful people, we found that some kicks not only gave them an acceleration in life, but even transferred their success to a new, more high level. We have designated such a kick as the Golden kick. The ability to convert an ordinary kick into a Golden one is possessed by the lucky ones of the II and I degrees. Faith in your well-being and the well-being of others, in a world full of possibilities, gives impetus to the inner Free Child to use kick creatively. The source of energy lies precisely in the Natural, spontaneous Child, in his unlimited possibilities of creativity, in his faith in goodness (in the well-being of the world) and in his own omnipotence (I can do everything, everything is allowed to me). The Adaptive Child is more likely to submit to a kick, and will "prove" its legitimacy.

Indifference - lack of response to an offer to communicate - ignoring feelings, desires, fears and the very existence of a partner. Perhaps indifference hurts more than a kick. Lack of incentives leads to dying, extinction, loss of vital energy. Women, children and the elderly are most sensitive to indifference. Many people may say, “I want to be loved. I am ready to accept a negative attitude towards me. But for me, the indifference of others is unbearable.

So, strokes are much more useful for us and more important than kicks and indifference. And it is important to specifically deal with strokes, since life in our country in itself provides us with a large number of kicks and indifference.

To receive strokes, a person uses all five senses. Therefore, strokes, like kicks, can be auditory, visual, kinesthetic, aromatic, gustatory. Usually we use the auditory channel, we speak and hear conversations, forgetting about other possibilities for receiving information and enjoying it.

Stroking, like kicking, can be verbal or non-verbal. We convey verbal strokes with the help of speech, non-verbal strokes with the help of facial expressions, gestures, body. When communicating, verbal and non-verbal strokes may or may not coincide.

Let us dwell on the features of verbal strokes and kicks. They can be conditional when they relate to what a person does. You are told: "You are doing a good job." Such stroking emphasizes the result of a person.

Stroking can be unconditional. This is more important for the person, since such strokes are addressed to who the person is. They tell you: "You are a top-class specialist."

There are fake, fake strokes. Outwardly, they seem to be positive, but in reality they turn out to be kicks. Here is an example: “Of course, you understand what I am telling you, although you give the impression of a narrow-minded person.” It's kicks sweetened with fake strokes.

Five Rules for Stroking

Every person, regardless of gender and age, needs stroking. Stroking is necessary for a person to maintain and develop health. A person also often draws energy for activity and activity in strokes. Children and old people especially need strokes. The most acute need for strokes is in childhood and adolescence. This is the first rule.

The older a person is, the less physical strokes he receives and the more he is tuned in to psychological strokes. We gladly hug children when they are small. We press them to ourselves, kiss, pinch, pat, blow on the navel and ass, bite, tickle, rub. But you never know what other strokes can be done. And all of them are perceived by the child joyfully, as signs of recognition. The child is growing. He is moving further and further away from us. We touch it less and our strokes wear more and more psychological character. And it would never occur to anyone to do the above strokes, addressed to small children, with adults or the elderly. On the other hand, our psychological strokes can become more and more differentiated and sophisticated. This is the second rule.

The third rule says that stroking reinforces the behavior that leads to stroking. A person who receives strokes, unconsciously, and consciously, strives to receive them again. We receive strokes from the people around us, from ourselves, from comfortable living conditions. And some people are so eager for strokes, so dependent on them that they are, as it were, in the web of strokes and are guided by it through life.

A person is able to accumulate strokes in himself. This ability is different for everyone and can be developed through psychological training. Each person's collection of strokes is called their stroke bank. For one, this bank is extensive and filled with unconditional strokes. Such a person is more dependent on himself, his own opinion, having a high degree of autonomy. For another, this bank is small or dysfunctional. Such a person is dependent on strokes from the outside and is attracted by a web of strokes. This is the fourth rule.

The fifth rule says that strokes and kicks are inversely related. The more a person accepts positive strokes, the less he gives kicks. The more a person takes kicks, the less strokes he gives.

Soviet and post-Soviet people are reluctant to give strokes and are often simply poorly trained to accept strokes from others. When you ask such a person to look attentively at another person and sincerely, from the heart, give strokes, then this sometimes succeeds. And it is much more difficult when you ask to straighten your shoulders, to see, hear and feel the person who is stroking you. And so feel the stroking itself, completely accepting it, so that goosebumps run down your back from the realization of pleasant experiences, and so that this stroking remains with you for a long time, for many years.

Claude Steiner emphasizes that the acceptance of strokes is a biological process, like eating food, and takes time. Just as dried soil requires watering and slowly saturates with water, swells and changes its consistency, so a person should be filled with strokes. Each person has their own period of saturation. In any case, after a stroke is given, it may take five to fifteen seconds (or more) before it is accepted. According to the observations of K. Steiner, the most important sign that stroking is completely accepted is when a person perceives it, smiles broadly and rather and does not say anything in response.

A quick reciprocal stroke or a hasty "thank you" are signs of an incompletely accepted stroke. The man did not accept stroking, and did not refuse it. (Steiner Claude, 1974, 327–328).

Ignoring and devaluing strokes indicates a rejection of strokes. For example, "You look so good!". Answer with ignoring stroking: "What time is it?". Response with devaluing strokes: “There is poor lighting here.”

Learning to take strokes is much more difficult than learning to give them.

Stroking is so important in our life that, based on ideas about them, all people, following E. Berne, can be divided into real and supple. Real people have an ample bank of strokes and often make their own decisions. Compliant people depend on the strokes and kicks of others and often fall under the influence of the "cakes of fate", are failed, losers.

How this happens, we want to illustrate with a fairy tale by Claude Steiner in a Russian way, which we tell at our trainings for children and adults.

Prohibitions on strokes

Tale of Warm Strokes

In a distant kingdom in a distant state, there lived two happy people - Ivan and Marya with their children Nastenka and Mishutka. To understand how happy they were in those days, listen to the story.

You know about those happy days too, because each of you received a soft and warm Bag of happiness at birth.

At any time, a child in that Kingdom could turn to the Bag and receive warmth and caress, and remain warm and loved for a long time.

In those distant days, it was easy and accessible for everyone to be happy. If only it became sad, then you could open the bag, put your hand in there and warm, fluffy balls flew out of it - Stroking. As soon as the Strokes saw the light, they smiled and wanted to smile back. They sat on the head, shoulders, arms. And warmth spread through the skin, and it became calmer. And since everyone always had Strokings, there were no difficulties and sadness. All the people were healthy, kind and friendly. They were warmed by care and attention. They were happy.

Once Baba Yaga, who made balms and potions from leeches and snake venom for sick people, got very angry. Nobody bought her medicines because people stopped getting sick. Baba Yaga was very smart and came up with an insidious plan.

Once, on a beautiful sunny day, Marya was playing with Nastenka and Mishutka. And Baba Yaga turned into a fly and buzzed Ivan: “Look, Ivan! Watch and listen! Marya is now giving Strokes to Nastenka and Mishutka. And they stay with the children and don't go back to the Pouch. This is how all Stroking can end. And when someone really needs them, for example, you, Marya will no longer have them.

Ivan was surprised: “Well, every time we take from the Stroking Bag, their number decreases?”.

And Baba Yaga answered: “Yes, they do not come back! And once they run out, you won't be able to have them anymore!" Baba Yaga was very pleased. She sat on her broom and flew away laughing.

Ivan took it to heart. Now he began to follow Marya and was always annoyed when Mary gave Strokes without count to children and other people. Ivan started complaining about being in a bad mood when he saw Marya handing out Strokes. Maria loved her husband and stopped giving Strokes to others and kept them for him.

The children also became very cautious. They decided that Strokes should not be given at any time, in any amount, and just like that. They began to follow each other. And if parents singled out someone and gave more Strokes, they experienced jealousy and envy, complained, and sometimes threw a tantrum. And even when they themselves took Strokes from the Pouch for themselves, they felt guilty.

Each time they became more and more stingy with Stroking.

Before the intervention of Baba Yaga, people liked to get together, in groups or companies of three or four people. They never cared who got more Strokes. Stroking was always a lot and enough for everyone. After the arrival of Baba Yaga, people began to limit their communication. And if people forgot and gave Strokes again, or someone got more Strokes, then everyone was worried. And in those moments, everyone felt that it was his Strokes that had been used, the number of which had decreased. And it's undeserved. Envy and jealousy are new feelings that people have.

People began to give themselves and others less and less Strokes. They began to get sick and emaciated, they even died from lack of Strokes. More and more people began to go to Baba Yaga for potions and balms so that they could work more and not suffer.

The situation got worse and worse. Baba Yaga herself did not like all this. People were dying. And the dead do not need medicines, potions and balms. And she came up with a new plan.

Each was given a free Pouch of Kicks. The Pinkies didn't provide the same warmth as the Strokes, but it was better than nothing. The kicks were cold, they spread frost, but the kicks didn't kill people.

People were less worried now that there weren't enough Strokes. "I can give you a good kick, would you like?" - could be said in response to a request for Stroking. And people chose.

They began to die less. Although many of them became cold. They needed Strokes less and less.

If earlier Strokings were everywhere like air, and they were breathed and enjoyed by everyone without restrictions, now they have become a scarcity.

Some were lucky to have warm and loving wives, husbands, relatives or friends and not suffer from a shortage of Strokes. Most had to earn money and work hard to buy Strokes.

Some people became popular and had Strokes without having to return them. They sold Strokes to people who were unpopular but wanted to feel happy.

Even among the people there were those who made out of Pinks, which were everywhere and free of charge, fake Strokes. Then they sold these fake, fake, plastic Strokes. And if two people met with expectations to have true Strokes, exchanged plastic Strokes, then they experienced pain and disappointment.

Or people would get together and exchange plastic Strokes, then disperse, feeling cold and embarrassed by the Kicks. And that added to the problem.

Once Vasilisa the Wise came to this unfortunate country. She knew nothing about the prohibitions and distributed Strokes to everyone without restrictions. The children loved her very much, because they felt good next to her. She did not single out one person, but she loved everyone and was generous with everyone. Gradually, the children began to imitate her and again used their Stroke Bags, inserting a pen into it, and the caressing fluffy ball of Stroking straightened and smiled at the child.

The parents were very excited. They made a law against giving out Strokes without a license. However, the children did not follow the law. They continued to exchange Strokes. They grew up healthy and happy, and their path was different from that of their parents.

We live surrounded by billions of strokes. It is so accessible: color, smell, taste, sound; nature, love, intimacy, friendship, books, music, movies, friends, sports, sex, work, creativity, art. They are constantly present, nearby. However, we are often like the blind-deaf-mute, who are paralyzed at the same time. We don't feel, we don't hear, we don't see, we don't move, we don't want, we don't desire. And there are excuses for everything. The higher the intelligence, the more sophisticated justifications for our imprisonment. One of them is education. Here are his main postulates: strokes are limited. A stroke must be earned. The more important the person giving the stroke, the more valuable it is. There are five prohibitions on stroking: don't give; do not accept; do not ask; do not refuse if they give, but you do not want to; do not give strokes to yourself.

In groups, we usually ask participants to justify the prohibitions on strokes. Table 1 lists the prohibitions on stroking and explains them. (Sidorenko E. Therapy and training according to Alfred Adler. - St. Petersburg: Speech, 2000).

Prohibitions on strokes

Table 1

Reasons for the ban

Don't give strokes

1. Because people still won't believe in your sincerity.

2. People will think that you are flattering them to achieve your goals.

3. Because it's immodest to say nice things to other people.

4. Because by praising others, you do not stimulate them to develop.

5. Because you are rarely praised - why please others?

6. Yes. And who cares about your praise? After all, you are nothing.

Don't accept strokes

7. Not to borrow.

8. Because sincerely they won't tell you anyway.

9. So that people do not think that you need their support.

10. Because it is immodest - to listen to other people's praise and even more so to enjoy it.

11. Because praise will not stimulate you to develop - you need criticism.

12. And why should you be praised? After all, you are nothing.

Don't ask for strokes

13. Because it is immodest and unacceptable for a self-respecting adult.

14. Because people might think that you can't do without someone else's support.

15. Because your development needs criticism, not strokes.

16. Because after that you will be indebted to those who gave you a stroke.

17. Because they can refuse you - and they will do it right. After all, you are nothing.

Don't give up on strokes, even if you don't like them.

18. Because once given - take it, everything will come in handy in our age of economy.

19. Because it's immodest to refuse someone else's praise.

20. Because next time they may not give anything at all if you refuse now.

21. Because they deserved what they gave. What else can you claim? After all, you are nothing.

Do not give strokes to yourself.

22. Because it's in the highest degree immodest and unworthy of an adult.

23. Because for development you need criticism, not boasting.

24. Because this is a kind of psychological masturbation - and you do not want to say that you have come to this?

25. And why should you praise yourself? After all, you ... Well, yes, you yourself know who.

For a person of the post-Soviet period, the following hierarchy of prohibitions is typical: do not ask (35%); don't give (23%); do not take (15%); do not stroke yourself (14%); do not refuse, even if you do not like it (12%). “Do not ask” is the strongest prohibition. If you ask - it means weak, dependent! Do not trust yourself and others! - the slogan of such people. They are usually suspicious, have difficulty making decisions, are easily exhausted emotionally and physically, and are constantly irritated.

In our trainings, we give special exercises when the whole group asks and gives each other strokes. The first stage is the exchange of things as strokes mediated through objects. Here the game is fun. Then the exchange of money, as strokes mediated through material values, having their own value - here the rate of exchange is significantly reduced. When it is proposed to give and accept slowly and with complete absorption unconditional verbal strokes with the addition of non-verbal strokes, with the condition that both are congruent, the group experiences great difficulties.

Bank of Strokes

One of the most important therapeutic steps in analysis is to build up a sufficient bank of strokes.

The more lofty goals a person sets himself, the more resistance of others he experiences on his life path - the greater the bank of strokes he needs to achieve his goals.

A person with a small bank of strokes is not able to be independent, creative personality. Such people can only be performers, whose activity and effectiveness are constantly directed and reinforced by kicks and strokes.

A sufficient number of strokes in childhood contributes to the formation of a winner scenario. This was not at all facilitated by the Soviet upbringing with an angry condemnation of "arrogance". The latter was seen in every claim to success, to an above-average result.

Let us give an example of a demonstration of a bank of strokes by Baba Yaga from the fairy tale by E. Schwartz “Two Maples”. There she says about herself: “I, Baba Yaga, am a smart girl, a killer whale, an old vostrorushka! I'm in myself, dove, I don't have tea. I, darling, love only myself. I only worry about myself, sweetheart. My gold! The old woman is a jumper, the fly is a fun. Everyone needs me, villain! I'm a sweetheart. The toad is green. Viper. I am a fox. Birdie. I'm smart. Poor thing. I am a snake. I'm a little Yaga, my dear. The only minx. I am a beauty. Robin bird.

This is how Baba Yaga presents herself - one of the most unsightly and unsympathetic characters in fairy tales. There is no doubt that with such a bank of strokes, she is capable of many accomplishments and resilience in the face of many failures.

And now let's remember how we filled out the official questionnaire in Soviet times. They underlined, crossed out and entered: "I was not, I did not participate, I was not a member." And, having completed the filling, they found themselves to be no person. And it was precisely such a person who was most in demand in the country of our past. Many people still give themselves kicks much more easily than strokes. So one young and attractive woman in our training simply refused the exercise where it was necessary to take strokes. And she said: “I can’t afford to take strokes, but I’m ready to kick myself in full right now.” And only at the end of the week's training, she allowed herself to take strokes. And it changed her life!

When working in a training or therapy group, we ask everyone to talk about their stroke bank. We have special exercises performed in pairs, when we develop, train and consolidate the ability of each member of the group to give and, most importantly, to receive strokes. In training or other settings, group members record and verbalize their stroke banks. Then everyone introduces a classification that is convenient for him and rewrites his bank of strokes by rubric. It is important to return to these records often, remind yourself and supplement them.

Our students, future psychotherapists and psychologists (psychologists), passing a test for this section of the course of study, had to face the entire stream for 15 minutes in an even voice, at an average pace, to present their bank of strokes. You can be sure that those who passed such a test have a bank of strokes sufficient for adaptation in modern society.

1. I am a perky and mischievous creature, a beloved child of the Universe. I came into this world to have fun and learn, to create and love, and to be happy. I am one of millions and at the same time unique.

2. I live. I am warmed by the sun and human warmth. I am supported by the Earth and carried away by the sky. I exist in the time and space of the world and carry within me my own space and time.

3. Earth's gravity sharpens the shape of my body, fills my muscles with elastic force, gives pleasure to a variety of movements and postures, and allows me to navigate the world.

4. I accept my destiny and my mission, choose my path and create my future.

5. My name is Irina. My name rings and sparkles like a crystal bell, it contains the bitter charm of a lily of the valley and the smile of a sunbeam on the thin edge of an ice floe. In it - the gentle warmth of a strawberry meadow and the bubbling freshness of a mountain river. It contains two letters "and" - as signs of unification and harmony. Indomitable will and joy of life sound in my name.

6. I am one with nature and imbued with its beauty. I will never stop admiring and wondering how the crisp freshness of winter is replaced by the heady delight of spring, the warm languor of summer and the tart clarity of autumn. My memory stores many images of delightful places where I can be transported in my imagination whenever I wish.

7. I am in awe of beauty and expediency in man and his creations - words and thoughts, poetry and prose, music and painting, architecture and productive labor. The highest art for me is the art of love and life.

8. I am a charming intelligent woman.

9. Passionate and tender, timid and proud, thoughtful and cheerful, domineering and submissive, sophisticated and naive, enthusiastic and critical, windy and devoted, refined and reckless, strong and defenseless - different, woven from extremes and contradictions, and yet less, it's all me.

10. My whole being is filled with love. It sounds with trembling warmth in my voice, flickers in the corners of my eyes, shading the innermost meaning of every word and gesture, and filling me with a sensitive grace of movement. Love shows me the way, spiritualizes my dreams and desires, and crowns my life with the grace of reciprocity.

11. I am the flesh of the flesh of my ancestors, I keep a grateful memory of them and value their heritage. The traits of their characters and destinies are manifested in my destiny, inspiring and protecting me. I am a worthy daughter of my parents, I fully accept them, love them dearly and am proud of them.

12. I have a cozy home world: I am a wife and mother, the soul and keeper of my family. There are three of us - husband, son and me. Everyone has sovereign interests, and at the same time we are united. We give each other joy, warmth and care, together we overcome difficulties and build our home, which turns out to be kind and bright, there is plenty of space for all of us and for each of us.

13. I know how to make friends and value friendship. With all my heart I strive for open, trusting relationships with interesting and significant people for me. Intimacy with them is a vital source of new ideas, mutual support and feedback for me.

14. I am friendly and peaceful, my name means WORLD, and I was born to live in peace and harmony and change with the world. I believe that I can change many things for the better. I carefully select for myself from the big world everything that I like.

15. I am one with people and in tune with their brightest, kindest and most exalted feelings. I rejoice together with other people, and most of all, when I see an increase in joy and happiness in the lives of those who are close to me in blood and spirit, or who are simply nearby or meet on the way. I wish people happiness and believe that we can all be happy.

16. I am Russian. I love my Fatherland, and my small homeland - a corner of Moscow, in which I first saw the sky, said the first words and took the first steps, holding the hands of mom and dad - and all of huge Russia. I am a representative of my people, heir and bearer of Russian culture. My life is both the result of the history of my country and a contribution to it.

17. I am interested in people of different nationalities, their culture and traditions.

18. I am extremely inquisitive, I have a lively mind and developed imagination. Capable of learning and creativity, and this is my greatest pleasure. I strive to realize what nature has given me. My task is the development, maturation of the mind and soul, the achievement of efficiency and professionalism in the chosen business. I am learning flexibility, sensitivity and awareness, learning to let events take their course, to listen and observe. I want to perceive myself as I am, trust myself, discover for myself the creative power of my feelings and experiences. I strive to ensure that my emotions and self-esteem become a source of energy and an incentive for real deeds, I pave the way to myself and, through my soul, further - to the world, to people.

19. I am interested and concerned about the spatio-temporal organization of the human psyche and human interactions, I read a lot and think about it.

20. I enjoy communicating with talented and creative people, admire their skills, love to learn new things about them and their business, learn from them, adopt the skills and abilities I need and embody them in my life.

21. I work fruitfully and recklessly, highly appreciate and constantly master devices and devices that make it easier to work, speed it up and make it better. This also applies to production activities, and, especially, the household. I love to buy and use these things.

22. I like to work in a team and for a team of my like-minded people. I actively support the leader as a creator, unifier and organizer, bearer of the ideology and methodology of the team.

23. I want to discover leadership qualities in myself in order to realize my ideas.

24. I am successful in brainstorming, defend my ideas and beliefs with reason and skill, and can change them if I get evidence that I was wrong. I recognize the right to make mistakes.

25. I have organizational skills.

26. I enjoy the "power of the mind, soul and talent" as a means of optimizing performance and I myself gladly submit to such power.

27. I am a sincere and open person.

28. I consider truth to be the best policy.

29. I am freedom-loving, able to resist violence against my personality.

30. I am a reliable and responsible person. I am able to make decisions and implement them.

31. I have a sense of humor.

32. My son and I enjoy playing Lego, making long bike rides, going downhill and climbing trees, reading books to each other, writing and telling fairy tales. We also love to travel around the old Russian cities and get to know them better as a family.

33. I am happy to manage the household, equip and decorate my house, come up with all sorts of original "highlights" for it. Living in my house is calm and comfortable.

34. The most pleasant thing in the world of things is cool Chinese silk flowing over the skin, warm soft cashmere and gentle suede. I love walking in elegant shoes, wearing elegant jewelry and wrapping myself in light fluffy fur. And choose for yourself the aromas of perfumes and flowers that give me pleasure and match my mood.

35. My element is fire, I look and cannot see enough of it. It fascinates and warms me, introducing me to the eternal magic of being. I am proud that I know how to build and maintain a fire and cook food on an open fire.

36. I often perform sacred duties in the kitchen, invent all sorts of goodies to please myself and my family with them. And then the house is filled with new warm aromas and becomes even more comfortable from this. I am happy to arrange feasts and receive guests, buy and read cookery books.

37. My hobby is embroidery. On a clear sunny day, when the finest shades of color are visible, it is so wonderful to slowly select the threads needed for a drawing from my collection, and then embroider pictures and decorate a house with them or give them to loved ones.

39. I enjoy riding, playing badminton, and most of all I like it - slow downhill skiing, invigorating joy in every muscle from precisely adjusted movements, rapture with power over speed.

40. I love animals - horses, cows, dogs, but especially cats, and most of all - my gentle purr - Siam Barsik. Animals trust me, I know how to take care of them.

41. Plants understand me. They respond to my care, grow well and bloom, decorating my home and workplace.

42. I really love forests, fields and rivers - everything that makes up the essence of Russian nature. I am interested in the names of flowers, herbs, and trees, I recognize them as old friends. I like to look at them carefully, inhaling the living smells, and observe their life.

43. I am inspired by the custom of giving flowers. Joyful and spicy bright yellow roses, frosty needle chrysanthemums, marvelous irises and orchids - the embodiment of luxury, created by the commonwealth of nature and man.

44. I have a feeling of my mother tongue. I like to guess the deep meaning and origin of simple words, I am fascinated by the phonetic structure of the language and the music of Russian speech. I feel great pleasure from reading, when the author speaks the language well and has a unique style of his own. There are several books that I love to re-read, and each time they open up to me in a new way.

45. In artistic and scientific prose, prayers, poems and songs, in everyday speech, I enthusiastically look for words that especially accurately express what I feel and think. Often the right word, prompted by the interlocutor, becomes for me a truly priceless gift. I like to express my thoughts and feelings on paper. It happens that I write poetry, they give pleasure to me and those who hear them.

46. ​​I like to read books, watch movies and sing songs in English language. I am gradually getting used to it. I am interested in the peculiarities of thinking and consciousness reflected in English and French, especially in their tense paradigm, the use of modal and auxiliary verbs, connectives and prepositions, shades of meaning of similar concepts, idioms.

47. I know many beautiful old and modern poems, poetry accompanies me in life, helps me feel and comprehend uncertain situations, survive the pain of defeats and disappointments, fill moments of expectation and sadness with meaning.

48. I like calligraphy, I enjoy the artistic depiction of Cyrillic letters.

49. I admire the skill of artists and composers who translate images and sounds into a language understandable to everyone and capture fleeting images of their observations or inner insights for centuries.

50. I love discovering new places for myself and then returning to them, looking for and memorizing details that touch the soul, weaving the quivering moment into the measured pace of eternity. Butterfly flying on the shoulder of a granite monarch; an ink bottle standing between two lions on the stairs of a pompous government office; a pair of dazzling white doves frolicking in the sky above the Kyiv Sofia; a young constable sheltering from the weather behind the ancient blocks of Stonehenge; glare of fire on the walls of the Dmitrievskaya Church in Vladimir, enlivening the outlandish creatures carved on the white stone wall; my son, reaching for the steering wheel of Peter's little boat in Pereslavl, a Siamese cat, on a polar day contemplating from the window the proud passage of a huge cruiser along the Kola Bay. These images, like many others, excite the imagination and help to live.

51. I like to ride the subway. It not only serves as a place for self-education for me, as I read books there, but also immerses me in the stream of human lives and destinies. I look and see how many of us are, and how different we are, and how differently we treat each other and ourselves. How wonderful young lovers are, clinging to each other and forgetting about everything in the world, and how beautiful are elderly couples, just like that, hand in hand, passing through life. Women who were given flowers, loving parents and their children, people who are carried away by a good book, absorbed in an interesting conversation, all those whose faces are lit up with a smile, lively interest, admiration, kindness and love ...

52. I am deeply grateful to my Teachers, to all the people I meet in my life, and to those whose thoughts and feelings reach me through space and time.

In training, in therapeutic practice, in working with fixed emotional attitudes, strokes, kicks, and non-feeling interactions, we are often aware of the complex structure of the human self. When in one state we are completely prosperous, in another we are less prosperous, and in a third we are not at all prosperous. In one state, we willingly and skillfully give strokes, in another we are able to receive them. And there is also a third state, entering which we criticize everything, become distrustful and obnoxious.

Every person is complex. It contains conflicting parts. It is important to understand this, to be able to recognize and apply it in work, and simply in life. This is where analysis approaches come in handy. No wonder this rather simple and informative system is becoming increasingly popular among therapists, social workers, educators and patients around the world.

If the child is surrounded by an atmosphere of love, acceptance and security, then a positive basic existential position of a person is formed - I + You +, the child acquires a solid foundation for positive self-esteem and a positive, friendly attitude towards others.

Due to various circumstances: rejection, repulsion, neglect, indifference on the part of parents, etc. (See Chapter II, “Rejection and Self-Rejection”), the child may develop a false idea of ​​himself and the outside world, which leads to the emergence of other unnatural, unhealthy internal attitudes.

Constructive position I + You +

From early childhood, I felt that I was infinitely loved. Our parents loved us and each other very much. I grew up in an atmosphere of care and understanding and still feel the support of my family and I am sure that no matter what happens to me, they will be there and will always help. From childhood, I was told about God, my parents prayed and told Him about everything important that happened in the family. Later I realized that a relationship with God is the most important thing in life, and now I can’t imagine how you can live and not remember Him, not turn to Him every day. He loves all people very much and takes care of us.

Lydia

If the core of the belief system is a constructive life position, a person is convinced of the value of his personality, he is sure that he deserves to be loved and accepted. He loves his parents, he knows that they are good, kind, honest people who can be trusted. This attitude extends to other people as well.

Man lives in harmony with outside world, it is characterized by productive cooperation, positive relationships with people, acceptance, the ability to make friends, psychological adaptation and success. He is able to give and receive love, is not afraid to get close to people, is free from excessive dependence on the opinions and assessments of others, calmly accepts criticism, is self-critical, open to any changes.

He understands himself, his feelings, can freely express, realize and talk about his feelings, experiences. He rejoices in other people's successes and achievements, is able to support others, sincerely talks about positive traits to people, positively assesses the future.

A person with an existential position I+Thou+ can also make fair criticisms, and is ready to say "no" if necessary; not afraid to defend his opinion, even if others do not agree with him; is distinguished by independence and firmness of position, if he is sure that he is right. However, if he discovers the fallacy of his opinion, then he freely admits that he is wrong and changes his own point of view. He is characterized by a sober assessment of the reality of events and a readiness for a positive search for solutions to emerging life problems, the ability to accept independent solutions and be responsible for them, taking into account the advice and wishes of others.

Such a person is true to his moral ideals and values. He constantly develops, engages in self-knowledge, chooses the methods of internal personal growth that are suitable for him and works on himself.

Depressive position I-Thou+

A depressive life position dominates in a person in his belief system after the experience of rejection by close people, parents. He decides that something is wrong with him, “I am bad” (I -), considers himself incapable of anything, thinks that he is worse than others, suffers from feelings of inferiority, incompetence, self-denial.

Self-doubt gives rise to fear of failure, which really provokes failure. A person internally strives to regularly experience situations of failure, even in small things. He constantly expects failure in order to once again fix the justice of his parents' position in relation to himself: something is wrong with him, he is not what they wanted, he is not capable of anything, cannot please them, etc. He is extremely dependent on the opinions of his parents and authority figures in his life. Often this manifests itself in infantilism, in fear of taking responsibility and making independent decisions, taking initiative.

A person with such a life position regularly experiences depression, despondency, seeks to move away from other people, prefers to keep a distance. He avoids everything new, unexpected; tries to stay in an already familiar circle in which he feels in a relatively safe position.

When I remember my childhood, I try not to think about the bad, but it's not easy. My parents loved me but I would say " strange love". Even now they do not realize what they did to me in childhood, and how it affected me. To begin with, they were expecting a girl, and when I was born, they were very upset. When I was little, I always had long hair, so many on the street took me for a girl, which made me terribly angry. Sometimes my mother dressed me in dresses and admired me. She was the head of the house, occupied a higher social position, constantly humiliated my father, who chose a job associated with constant long business trips, and was constantly absent from home. When he returned, his parents often fought, because his father was very jealous. I felt that I was to blame for their problems, I tried to reconcile them. Quite often, my mother broke down and, in a fit of anger, beat me, and then wept, and forced me to ask her forgiveness for the fact that I “brought her down” so much. When I started to do something myself (which happened infrequently, since I was not trusted or allowed to do anything), my parents popularly explained to me that no matter how hard I tried, it would still not work out for me, it would be better if they did everything themselves.

Eugene

Think how much literary heroes with a similar life position is described in Russian literature! This is a very common personality type.

Defensive position I+Thou-

I was the oldest child in the family. Parents loved us, but were always very passionate about work. My brother was born when I was 2 years old, and all the attention of parents since that time has been riveted to him. He was more sick, hooligans, poorly studied at school. As a teenager, he got involved with bad company, started drinking. Unlike him, I have always been a good, obedient girl, I studied "good" and "excellent", I tried to succeed in everything. But my parents were much less interested in me. I entered a prestigious institute on the first try, where I met my future husband, Boris, who tenderly looked after me and sought my attention. Something always went wrong with him, he constantly got into some kind of story, no matter what he started to do, everything turned out wrong, not thought out, to say the least ... I had to decide everything in the family and take responsibility for myself , in short, he "lived behind me, like behind a stone wall." Boris loved me very much, and I felt it, but over time I began to feel that he was becoming cooler, and even began to suspect that he was cheating on me. I did not have a close relationship with either my parents or my brother, because my parents are biased towards my brother. They help him in everything, do not refuse anything, spoiled him, and he, a slob, uses their kindness and does what he wants. I can't stand him, how disgusting he is.

Nastya

If a defensive life position dominates at the existential level of the belief system, a person, one way or another, experiences a situation of rejection by parents, important people, and decides that these people, the world, everything around is hostile, negatively disposed and one must always be ready to defend and defend, and best of all, to attack.

A person feels the value of his personality by proving his superiority over others, by means of an irresistible desire to control everything around. Usually he himself does not even notice that he humiliates, condemns and accuses people. Since this happens so naturally that he sincerely believes that others are doing everything wrong, they are to blame for all the troubles (including his own problems). And he knows better than anyone else how to do it so that it turns out well.

He needs to be the first, the best, this is often achieved by condemning or belittling others, in neurotic rivalry (a superiority complex). And also in trying to control everyone around and striving to complete any business to the limit, achieving perfect success and demonstrating it to others in order to show that they are not capable of it.

Such a person is internally convinced that one can achieve one's goals only through relentless struggle, aggressiveness towards people and the world. Aggressiveness is sometimes hidden and sublimated, it takes on socially acceptable forms, but the surrounding ones, especially those from which this person does not depend in any way, may feel uncomfortable in his presence, often perceive him as an overwhelming other, insensitive person.

However, one must always keep in mind that the superiority complex is only a protective form of a deep feeling of inferiority, a complex of self-denial (non-acceptance, rejection of oneself). These two complexes are naturally connected. We should not be surprised that when we do self-knowledge and discover a self-denial complex, we immediately find a more or less hidden superiority complex. On the other hand, if we explore the superiority complex dynamically, we always find a more or less hidden self-denial complex. This removes the seeming paradox about two opposite tendencies existing in one individual, since it is obvious that normally the desire for superiority and the feeling of inferiority complement each other. The word "complex" that we use reflects the set of psychological characteristics that underlie an exaggerated sense of self-denial, inferiority, or striving for superiority.

The fruitless position of I-Thou-

A person whose core belief system is represented by a barren life position feels unloved, rejected, humiliated; convinced that life is useless, full of disappointments, no one can help him.

He rejects people and the world around him and feels rejected, devastated, depressed; the main action is waiting.

A person who does not realize the value of either his own personality or the value of the personality of the people around him can be socially dangerous.

Internal conflict quite often manifests itself through attempts to immerse yourself in a different reality (computer, alcohol, drugs, magic, etc.), in order to hide from internal problems, if possible, not to think, not to recognize and ignore them.

I was born into a family at the most inopportune time. My parents just got married. My father was a student, and my mother (she is 5 years older) had already graduated from the institute by that time. They lived with their father's parents. The mother's relationship with her grandmother did not go well, because the grandmother was against marriage. Mother was worried that different girls would seduce her father at the institute, so it seems that her time was not easy. Childbirth began a month ahead of schedule and was critical. I don't know exactly what happened, but it looks like I might not have survived. Then, due to an oversight of doctors, complications began in the mother, and she was taken to the hospital. I stayed with my father and grandmother. I often got sick, slept badly at night, screamed. Parents constantly quarreled and cursed among themselves and with their grandmother. The mother called names and humiliated the father, the grandmother also condemned them. A couple of years later, the parents moved to a separate apartment. But their relationship never worked out. I always felt that they were unhappy in marriage, my mother told me that they live together only for my sake, but I don’t care. Actually, I didn't tell my father or mother anything. When I grew up, my father left and married another woman who had a daughter.

Victor.

Every adult does not stay in his basic existential position all the time. Often (as true face) he hides it under various masks. But the existential position always manifests itself in difficult life circumstances, when solving psychological problems, in new, unexpected circumstances, in a state of internal conflict, tension, frustration (a mental state caused by failure to satisfy needs and desires, accompanied by various negative experiences: disappointment, irritation , anxiety, despair ...).

LIVING POSITION - the orientation of the life of the individual, her t. er. regarding their place and role in public life (as opposed to social status, position). On the moral plane, life style is a system of behavior of a person, determined by his convictions, ideology, and conscience. A person's position on any socially significant issue is a philosophic issue insofar as it corresponds to the objective logic of the development of social reality and reflects the balance of real social forces that influence this development. Criterion of truth, correctness of this or that Zh. item - its conformity to progressive tendencies of development about-va, interests of advanced social forces. In order to determine the life style of people, it is necessary, in the words of V. I. Lenin, to find out “what kind of social situation and exactly how their actions are determined” (vol. 1, p. 430). Zh. p. - one of the most important signs of the personal development of the individual, determining his place in the historical process. The formation of personality is at the same time a conscious choice by a person of one or another Zh. p. (Moral choice). The content of the personal choice of a certain Zh. item is ultimately determined by the ideals and values ​​of the community, class or social group to which this belongs. But this does not detract from the role of the subject himself, the individual in determining his attitude to the world. Life and V. I. Lenin - and an example of a consciously made choice and consistent implementation of an active Zh. p, personality. Zh. p. is an expression of such social activity of a person, which is based on ideological certainty and adherence to principles, presupposes social consciousness. Zh.'s activity is expressed both ideologically - in an interested, biased, party attitude towards the ideals, goals, theoretical attitudes of the community, class, and behaviorally, characterizing consistency and masculinity in defending a person's views, beliefs, in their implementation in practice . Therefore, Zh. p. should be clearly distinguished from businesslike, "grip", cunning opportunism (choosing someone's side or so-called sp. for reasons of selfish interest, calculation, benefit). The moral basis of active life philosophy is the principle of the unity of word and deed, which is expressed in the desire of a person to realize social, including moral, in practice. Correspondence, the fusion of theory and practice, unity, thought and action, when people can be vouched for, V. I. Lenin said that “they will not take a word on faith, they will not say a word against their conscience” (vol. 45, p. 391), the most important condition for the effectiveness of the chosen by the masses or the personality of J. n. Active Zh. n. is opposed by a passive position, when a person stands on t. an outside contemplator, a neutral observer, guided by the principle "my hut is on the edge." In a moral sense, such passivity is identical to indifference, often feeding renegacy. A special case of a departure from active life style is the discrepancy between word and deed, which testifies to the declarative, formal nature of a person's conviction, and sometimes to moral hypocrisy. Social and personal passivity in all its forms is alien to communist morality; the only exceptions are those special cases where passivity appears as a peculiar form of activity (for example, under conditions of bourgeois democracy, deliberate evasion of voting in elections that do not provide an alternative, etc.). Huge moral significance has a struggle against moral infantilism, lack of initiative and inactivity, against social complacency, intoxication with success, lack of self-criticism, against ideological vacillation, concessions on matters of principle.

Ethics Dictionary. - M.: Politizdat. Ed. I. Kona. 1981 .

See what "LIFE POSITION" is in other dictionaries:

life position- n., number of synonyms: 1 life setting (2) ASIS Synonym Dictionary. V.N. Trishin. 2013 ... Synonym dictionary

LIFE POSITION- [engagement engagement]: the manifestation of indifference and activity in resolving conflicts of responsibilities or ideas; opposite to abstraction, indifference, neutrality. The word itself, which has become popular recently thanks to the works of ... ... Philosophical Dictionary

Life position- is a way of one's own life chosen by a person, a set of life relations, values ​​of ideals and the found nature of their implementation, which ensures the formation of a person and the further course of his life. One of the characteristic features ... ... Social Work Dictionary

LIFE POSITION- manifestation of indifference and activity in resolving the conflict of duties or ideas; opposite to abstraction, indifference, neutrality. The word itself, which has become popular recently thanks to the work of supporters of personalism and ... ... Eurasian wisdom from A to Z. Explanatory dictionary

LIFE POSITION- the main components of the orientation of the personality, which determine beliefs, principles, value orientations, attitudes that have become the motives of activity ... Modern educational process: basic concepts and terms

LIFE POSITION- the motivated orientation of the individual's life, his understanding of the meaning of life, social values ​​and norms, which is the basis for choosing a line of behavior; manifests itself through a rationally meaningful and emotionally colored attitude towards ... ... Professional education. Dictionary

LIFE POSITION- the result of a person mastering his behavior, he becomes the subject of behavior, that is, a person who independently achieves his goals ... Encyclopedic Dictionary of Psychology and Pedagogy

Life position- internal attitude, due to worldview, moral and psychological qualities personality and reflecting its subjective attitude to society ... Glossary of terms on general and social pedagogy

LIFE POSITION- internal installation, due to worldview, moral and psychol. personality traits and reflecting its subjective attitude to society. Zh. p. manifests itself in the real behavior of a person, m. b. active (constant desire to change ... ... Pedagogical Dictionary

Life position of the individual- the most important ideas that express the attitude of the individual to various life realities, which a person voluntarily guides in his life. These leading ideas in life are expressed in a variety of forms: beliefs, principles, ... ... Fundamentals of spiritual culture ( encyclopedic Dictionary teacher)

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Where do the problems that abound in our life path begin? Where is their source? According to Eric Berne, the age of making a key scenario decision - I am "good" or "bad" - is an interval of 2 to 3 years. First, an idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe self or the life position of the individual is formed. Until the age of 5-7, she participates in the formation of the script.

The scenario laid down at this age can be both positive and negative. In the first case, it allows you to realize plans: get rich, write music and become a famous composer or athlete, a good family man or just a happy person. In the second, it can include negative life programs: setting on the lack of money, the development of alcohol and drug addiction and other problems.

The main program components laid down in the script are formed by parents up to 7 years. It is at this time that the child receives the first impressions of life. So a person entering a cafe for the first time, in a split second, forms the first impression: “barn” - low ceilings that put pressure on the head, too bright light and a rustic cheeky contingent, or, on the contrary, it’s cozy at home, pleasant staff, there are tables , behind which you can relax and talk, the music is not intrusive, the repertoire is perfectly chosen. Even if everything changes exactly the opposite in a cafe that you didn’t like the first time, you still won’t go to it anymore, because you already have the first, most lasting impression.

In the same way, a child up to 6-7 years old, answering important questions for him, makes his first impression of himself and the world: what is he like, who is he, is it pleasant to study, is the school a good place, can parents, friends be trusted, what is friendship ?

If his initial expectations are deceived, he is disappointed that he did not live up to expectations and withdraws into himself. This is nothing more than protection: if I limit contact with the world, then next time it will not hurt me so much, and if it does, then the pain will be much less.

Position selection: I am good - I am bad

The child falls into a puddle on the playground - roars, grabs an abrasion on his knee, looks in the direction of his mother. Mom, beside herself with rage - she will have to get her new sandals dirty in a puddle. Instead of soothing strokes and comfort, the mother gives the baby a few heavy blows wherever she hits. The kid falls a second time, breaks into hysterics. The second likely reaction is outright fun. Mom is funny to watch how awkwardly her little man stretched out to his full height. The child is in a state of shock - the expectations of help not only did not come true, his call turned into additional stress.

Of course, everything can happen exactly the opposite - the mother will arrive in time, comfort and fully meet the expectations of the baby.

Negative or positive situations from the point of view of the child are constantly repeated to one degree or another, life leads him to the need to answer himself the question: why is this happening? And depending on what his answer will be, his life position will be formed for the rest of his life. The problem is that at an early age, kids trust their parents absolutely: mom is the highest wisdom. She is always right about everything. And the child will come to the idea that a mother can be “just a fool” no earlier than 15 years old.

If parents are ready to properly raise a child from the first days of his life, positive content will remain in his life position - a prerequisite for a prosperous and happy life.

4 basic life positions

Children come to their first grade having already received the first “painful” experience with their life position: favorites, leaders, losers who choose the last desks. In school, taking this into account, the previously formed psychological reactions are consolidated and developed. Therefore, psychologists strongly recommend: do not choose good school- choose a good class teacher.

Many broken destinies would not have happened, and psychologists would have had an order of magnitude less work if the attitude of parents towards their children in the first years of their lives would have been different. If the mother picked up on time, and the dog licked, and did not bite, then answering the questions: “What am I?”, “What is my environment?” ...and "What's the world like?" ... a child in his 2-3 years old will “put pluses”. It will form the life position of a happy and positive person, tuned in to creation.

Important: there will always be a difference between a person and an act in his world. Therefore, he will never say “You are a uniform idiot”, while making an enemy or losing a friend, but will notice: “Today you acted like an idiot.” This is the scheme: I "+" You "+" " I AM GOOD - YOU ARE GOOD ».

If the dog did bite, and the parents at the crucial moment took care of themselves, laughed or thrashed at the first opportunity, then the child is honestly forced to “minus”. Since his ideas about the world turned out to be erroneous, he concludes that he is bad, that he is a “loser”. A person projects this life position onto adult life. At the same time, the child will always justify his closest people - the true culprits of millions of broken destinies at the time of making a decision, giving them his cherished plus sign. Over the years, continuing to stubbornly minus himself for any reason, he admits that those around him are more successful, more perfect, smarter, he is also a sucker and a non-pinging lamer. This is how the formation of a life position occurs: I "-" You "+" " I AM BAD - YOU ARE GOOD».

Any desire to develop, change oneself, and even more so, to create and give away is lulled by a narcissist at the age of 2–3 years. The main culprits of the skewed position in life, again, are parents, grandparents.

Growing up and getting more and more, he still remains dissatisfied with the environment, which does not know how to arrange his life as it should. Choosing his position in life, he diligently “draws a plus sign” for himself, and minuses those close to him who failed to fuss and evaluate in time what gift fate presented them in his person. This is the scheme I "+" You "-" " I AM GOOD - YOU ARE BAD».

No less destructive is the life position of a person. I "-" You "-" " I'M BAD - YOU'RE BAD ". Such a position, in principle, excludes any desire to change in any direction. The usual state of mind of such a person is fatalism and boredom. The logical finale of such a life credo is often the desire to end this meaningless existence.

When everything is GOOD

A psychologically healthy person can be recognized as a person who evaluates himself - I am "+", knows how to discern a positive beginning in his loved ones - You are "+", willingly makes new acquaintances - They are "+", finds an interesting job - Labor "+".

Initially, the child starts assessing and choosing a life position from himself - Who am I "+" or "-"? If “+” is selected, the child recognizes himself as strong, talented, smart, capable, just like dad / just like mom.

When it's BAD

If at the age of 2–3 years the child put “-” for himself, he obviously agreed that he is stupid, awkward, cowardly, alas, he is all like daddy / daddy’s mom, not interesting to others, not needed. It is this position in life at the age of 13–16 that often leads schoolgirls of completely normal build, pursuing the goal of losing weight at any cost, to anorexia with a fatal outcome.

You "-" are disposed to conflicts with members of your microsociety, whom he puts on the list of disadvantaged people. At the same time, his tendency to sarcasm and caustic irony, the desire to re-educate them and the willingness to say goodbye even for a trifling matter are manifested. If the position of Oni “-” prevails, the person avoids new contacts, and notices only shortcomings in new partners in communication. Adaptation to an unfamiliar environment takes place at a snail's pace. If Labor is "-" - there is constant dissatisfaction with the material result. Then one is busy searching better job, seeking to improve, mainly, material well-being.

Important: With the appearance of "-" in one of the positions, the positive content of the others changes. So if “+” disappears from the position of You “+”, there is a distortion in the perception of I. Then a person, communicating with loved ones, shows arrogance.

Less often, in almost all life situations, all positions are characterized by "+" - the personality is stable. When positions remain positive at some moments of life, and negative at others, then it is not stable. As Litvak noted, the presence of even one minus in the personality complex entails the appearance of minuses in the rest, which sooner or later will lead to neurosis.

Roles, like scenarios, are distributed in advance

As Eric Berne said: “A person's life path - his destiny is determined by what happens in his head when he comes into conflict with the outside world. Freedom gives him the opportunity to carry out his own plans, and power - to interfere in the plans of others. But how he will live and how he will end his life path a person decides for himself in early childhood. In the future, his whole life as a person is subject to the chosen scenario, which can be called a life plan.

Since the ultimate goal of a person is a happy and balanced life, our main task is to try to learn how to determine our life position, based on it, read our life scenario and, correcting its negative part, change our life path.