There comes a moment in every person's life when a difficult decision must be made. How to make the right decision when in doubt? Which direction of study to choose? The partner I am with now will not disappoint me in the future, do I have love with him for life? Should I accept the offer or can I find a more interesting job? These are just some of the dilemmas most of us face.
Choosing what to buy - apples or pears - seems insignificant compared to decisions that can affect a lifetime. How can you be sure that you are making the right decisions? How to avoid internal dissonance, the impression that the option you have given up might be better than the one you have chosen? How do you make tough decisions?
Decision making methods
Basically, two decision-making strategies are used - heuristics and an algorithm. Thinking algorithmically, a person carefully studies and analyzes, compares the pros and cons of a particular option. Heuristics save us time because it appeals to emotions, intuition, preferences, and inner convictions, without "calculating".
It seems that in the case of difficult choices, it makes more sense to think carefully about everything several times before making a final decision. Meanwhile, people are very often guided by their heart rather than their mind - even in the case of making decisions that affect their entire life (for example, when choosing a life partner). How to understand what is best for us in a given situation?
Depending on the rank of the problem, a person usually uses 1 to 3 decision-making strategies. What methods are used in making life choices?
1. Receiving information from others
When you don't know what to decide on, you often use the support of loved ones, friends, family. You are consulting, looking for additional information. If you need to make a difficult decision, you should consult with others, ask what they would do in a similar situation. Brainstorming, exchanging opinions with others helps to look at the problem from a new perspective.
2. Postponing the decision in time
If no one and nothing helps, do not rush to make a choice, give yourself time. You may temporarily not feel strong enough to make decisions that can affect your entire life. It can be a good idea to postpone a decision until later, as during this time new facts may come to light that will help you make a choice. But it is important not to postpone it indefinitely, in the end you need to decide.
3. Eliminate the worst options
When you have several different options and you are not sure which one to give preference to, make a choice, excluding what seems the worst and least interesting. At the end of that dropout, there will be a better alternative.
4. Choosing the least evil
The choice is not always between good-better or good-worse: you have to choose between two not very attractive options. How do you choose one of two equally unpleasant alternatives?
You need to choose what has fewer potentially negative consequences and accept the decision. There are things that we simply cannot influence. Therefore, it is sometimes easier to accept the need to make a decision with bad consequences than to make that choice.
5. Before choosing, analyze
This is a strategy related to algorithmic thinking. Make up for yourself the pros and cons of each of the alternatives and choose the one with the most positive consequences. In other words, a balance of profits and losses is drawn up associated with the choice of one option and the rejection of the other. However, such a cold calculation is not always possible, because sometimes emotions take over the mind.
6. Act on the moment
Sometimes there is neither time nor opportunity to consider the proposals received for a long time. Then you need to make a decision spontaneously, immediately, with a hot hand. In this case, it is better to trust your instinct, your inner voice. Not always, guided by emotions, we act rashly. In retrospect, it turns out that this is the right decision, so trust yourself and your intuition.
7. Descartes' square
One of the most effective and easiest ways to make a tough decision. You are invited to analyze any situation or problem from different points of view. To make the right decision, answer four questions by looking at the picture below.
Be careful when answering the fourth question, as your brain will try to ignore the double negation and try to answer like in the first point. Don't let this happen!
Why is this method so effective? When you are in a situation that requires you to make a difficult decision, you often get stuck at the first point - what happens if this happens? However, Descartes' square allows us to look at the problem in many ways and make a carefully thought out and informed choice.
8. PMI method
How to make difficult decisions effectively? You can use the Edward de Bono method - the PMI method. This abbreviation is a derivative of English words (plus, minus, interesting). The method is very simple. It is based on the fact that it is comprehensively assessed before making a decision. A table with three columns (pros, cons, interesting) is drawn on a sheet of paper, and arguments for and against are indicated in each of the columns. In the column “interesting” everything is written that is not good or bad, but at the same time is connected with making a decision.
Below is an example. Decision: whether to rent an apartment on the outskirts with a friend?
When this table is drawn up, a score is made for each of the arguments in accordance with the direction (arguments for are indicated by a plus, against - a minus). For example, for some, space is more important than a pleasant company. At the end, the value of all the arguments is added up and it is determined whether the balance is positive or negative.
The PMI method cannot be called innovative; it does not fundamentally differ from the way we make decisions in everyday life. He seems to be evaluating the strengths and weaknesses of a given choice. There is nothing further from the truth. Most of us, when making a decision, actually make it for ourselves from the very beginning and then select arguments that would justify our choice. Even if it turns out that the decision we made has 3 more minuses, we will still choose it. People are actually not very rational, they are guided more by personal preferences, taste, etc. The pros and cons on a piece of paper will allow for an accurate analysis, at least if the emotions are partially turned off.
People are very often afraid of the consequences of their choices and do not like to make decisions. They would gladly shift responsibility for their lives to other people. Unfortunately, if we want to be happy, we must learn to solve our own problems and bear the burden of life choices. There is no guarantee that others would do it better for us. We will never know if the options we ignored are better than the ones we chose, so don't cry over spilled milk and constantly regret the benefits of rejected alternatives. Constant dissonance kills us morally.
Our life is a constant series of decisions. They can be both minor and quite serious, which have a big impact on us, and lead to major changes. A person constantly decides what to buy for lunch, where to go in the evening, which book to read, which university to go to study, what profession to choose, how to make a million etc. And if the price of the issue is small, then the decision is given to us easily and taken quickly, because the loss in case of an error will be small. But, the more serious the choice is, the more difficult it is to make it. In this case, the correct decision can lead to great success or, on the contrary, can cause losses and failures. Therefore, it is very important to know how to make the right decision.
Be sure to set a time frame for yourself to make the right choice. The presence of a limitation forces you to choose the most effective solution in a given situation. This process describes the so-called law of forced efficiency.
To make the right choice, you need to collect as much information as possible. The more facts you have on hand, the easier it will be for you to make effective choices. So you can more or less objectively assess the situation.
Remember that emotions are your enemy in decision making, because during an outburst of feelings, you cannot reason objectively and detached. Try to wait for the moment when everything in your soul boils over, and only then get down to business, because you can make a far from the best decision on a hot head.
Remember that if finding the right course of action is work-related, then you can shift the question to someone else. This will save yourself a lot of time. In addition, having completed a task once, you can count on the fact that you will have to do it constantly. Additional workload without corresponding dividends is absolutely useless. Therefore, think as rationally as possible, because delegation of authority - a very convenient tool for "unloading" your work schedule.
When making a decision, be sure to prioritize your thinking. Structuring thoughts according to the principle of importance is a great skill that will allow you to quickly find an effective way out of any situation. If you don't develop this skill, you will be constantly confused in your own reasoning when parsing complex problems. In addition, there is a risk that you will take the wrong criterion as the basis for making a decision, which will lead to incomprehensible consequences. With a high degree of probability, your choice will be ineffective, and often also dead-end. By making mistakes, you can, of course, develop your decision-making skills over time. But by breaking the so-called “overview” of the choice, you will not be able to identify the causal relationships that explain why the decision was correct or vice versa. Therefore, before a difficult choice, it is advisable to structure all your thoughts and make a "priority rating" of various factors in your head.
Fear of potential failure also makes it difficult to find the right solution. Many fail because of this ineffective feeling. In order for fear not to bother you, you need to analyze in detail the consequences to which this or that choice can lead, and then act.
It is best to remain calm when making a decision. If you are a rather suspicious person, then you can relax by listening to your favorite music, having rest or, in extreme cases, drinking a sedative.
Objectivity is another factor that will ensure making the right decision... You need to be honest with yourself and not artificially embellish facts that contribute to the wrong choice.
Prioritization is one of the most important elements in assessing different options for action. Think about what is most important to you: money, career, family, etc.
In addition, you need to evaluate the costs, since this factor can have a serious impact on the effectiveness of a solution.
Most of us very often regret what we did, believing that we made the wrong choice. In fact, if you think soberly, you can come to the conclusion that there are no right and wrong decisions. If you are determined to achieve goals, and this goal is a priority and important, all actions towards it will be absolutely correct. Choosing the right solution is a rather subjective concept, so be guided by your desires.
Situations often arise that the choice can be postponed until certain details are clarified in the event that the delay will not cause any damage. However, you can fall into the trap when new facts complicate the decision-making process more and more, unexpected information arises that requires clarification. Such a paradoxical effect is manifested in the fact that the more effort and perseverance you put into achieving the result, the worse everything turns out for you. Or in other words, the longer you solve a problem, the more obscure facts emerge in this case.
Time in any case limits the ability to analyze different options. Refusing a choice is also a definite decision, although it can often be the most ineffective. For example, if you cannot choose between two professions that suit you, then you risk ending up jobless or becoming an unskilled laborer. In such a situation, any option will be more profitable for you than refusing to choose. And if you still cannot decide, then it would be better to make a decision at random than to refuse it.
There are times when a hasty decision leads to collapse. In such situations, it is best to wait a while to assess the problem. However, it must be remembered that it is also impossible to delay the moment of making a decision for a long time (especially with regard to work), since you may either be outstripped, or the situation may worsen. And then you will regret not making your choice earlier. Only people in high positions can allow themselves to think in detail about various options, since they know that no one else can make a decision.
Solving a serious problem doesn't have to be done solely on your own. You can always ask your friends or family for advice. The task voiced several times clarifies the situation as a whole, and it will be much easier for you to find a simple and ingenious way out of this situation. In addition, your interlocutors can provide really good advice. The only point is that you should not tell everyone and everyone about your problems, because this way you will not come to anything, but only spend a lot of time on useless complaints. Plus, everyone is ready to give advice, and too much advice will easily confuse you.
If you are used to relying on the opinions of loved ones, then in situations that require prompt action, you can imagine in your head what your friend would advise you. This internal dialogue can be incredibly helpful in many cases.
When making decisions, ignore emotions that are aimed at achieving quick results. Such false zeal can play a cruel joke on you. In order to avoid possible negative consequences, you should use the "10-10-10" method of Susie Welch, which is to assume where your decision will lead in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years.
Always look for alternative options. You should not completely give preference to one idea alone, blindly believing in its correctness. Come up with at least a few more options in order to compare with your first. Imagine that the original idea simply does not exist, and think about what you will do in this situation. You will definitely find a few more alternatives.
If you still can't make up your mind 100%, go to bed, and overnight you can get a great solution. This is due to the fact that our subconscious knows all possible ways out of this situation. During sleep, a continuous process of analysis will take place, and in the morning your subconscious mind can give you the best option. Before you go to bed, ask yourself a question again, then put a pen and a leaf next to you. This is necessary in order to quickly fix some thought, if necessary.
Do not ignore intuition ( methods of developing intuition), because our inner voice makes mistakes much less often than our minds. Therefore, before making a decision, try to listen to your feelings. If you experience any discomfort, then it is worth reconsidering other options.
Now you know what helps you make the right decision. Let's take a look at how to stick with the chosen option.
How to follow the decision
Once you have made a decision, act immediately without delay, as any kind of delay will only reduce your chances of achieving success... Plus, you are sowing the seeds of a bad habit of constantly putting things off for later, which is fraught with the fact that you never achieve the intended result.
Remember that changing your mind after you're halfway to your goal is at least ineffective. Be true to your original views. This will build confidence that you are doing everything right, and success will not be long in coming. However, be on the lookout. If you realize that your path is clearly leading to failure, it is better to abandon it as early as possible. Remember that even successful entrepreneurs change course very often. Find a balance between flexibility and tenacity. In this case, you will move towards the goal persistently, while you will be able to quickly change the plan of action without much loss for yourself.
Finally, it should be noted that in order to learn to make the right decisions, personal experience should be used. In this case, be guided by the above tips, because your decisions may not be correct in 100% of cases. The constant change of the surrounding reality makes you change too. So be flexible in the process of choosing the right solution. Remember that your methods can fail, no matter how ideal they seem to you. Experiment more and take tactical steps that are unusual for you, because the comfort zone in which you are used to being leads to degradation. Personal experience is one of the most faithful advisers.
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How often do we think: "If I knew where to fall ...". How sometimes we regret unused opportunities or erroneous actions. Everyone would like to know and understand how to make the right decision, which would lead along the right path to the intended goal. However, we sometimes forget about the most important thing. That our
the personality is in constant development. Solving all new challenges, facing unusual and unusual circumstances, we change. This means that goals, values, priorities also do not stand still. They change with us. That is why the question of how to make the right decision is best posed for "here and now", and not running ahead, and even more so
The author has had occasion to talk with many people who sometimes find themselves at difficult crossroads in life. And that's what is typical for those who gave the impression of a confident, successful person - they did not regret the past! Not even if you had to change your lifestyle, country, and field of activity many times. They did not revel in self-pity if they had to lose all property and start all over again. Therefore, in order to understand how to make the right decision, you need to be clearly aware: a lot depends on us, but not everything. What seems right at some point can turn out to be a mistake. That is why more
all suffer from setbacks inflexible people who find it difficult to rebuild and act according to circumstances. And our path is far from always smooth and spacious. Therefore, the first piece of advice: take off the burden of excessive responsibility. Man is designed so that in any situation he can find both joy and disappointment. Even if you have achieved your "goal", it can always seem that "the palace is too small and the molasses is too sweet."
So which one you won't regret? First of all, try to trust fate and intuition. Very often we hesitate and doubt, if there is something, for example, between reason and feelings, between desires and duty. But this situation is also a stimulus for development. And intuition, which we often underestimate or stifle, is what helps us make the right decision. Do not think that this is something supernatural, "a voice from above." Rather, it is your subconscious mind that processes the situation in its own way. Our elementary, physiological reactions often tell us where we will be good and where we will not. For example, if you are looking for a new job, listen to your intuition. If talking to your future boss sets you up in a positive way, this is a good start. But if the building itself, the atmosphere reigning there, the appearance and manner of communication of employees cause tension and depress, if you do not feel comfortable in this place - perhaps this is a warning.
How to make the right decision in your personal life? The advice is the same. Don't try to reason, plan, think in lofty categories. Just feel the situation, immerse yourself in your feelings. How the communication with this or that person will develop is often decided by the first minutes. And if we are comfortable, we feel safe, this means that this relationship has a future. Conversely, if it is difficult for us to find common themes, if we are constrained, but, for example, the thought that this is a great game has stuck in our minds, try to trust your intuition. We live with a person, and not with his status, money or position in society.
Another technique will show you how to learn how to make the right decisions. This method can be called "look into the future". The point is to try to imagine the possible development of events in as much detail as possible,
which will follow your choice. You are offered a job, but you do not know whether to take it? Imagine yourself in this place in as much detail and color as possible in a year, two, five. What does your typical working day look like, how do you dress, how do you relax? Is it pleasant for you to enter the office or do you try to come up with excuses to appear there as little as possible? By imagining this, you subconsciously prepare yourself to make a decision.
And the most, perhaps, well-known and effective method is to "sleep" with the problem. By asking yourself a question in the evening before going to bed, in the morning you will receive a ready answer. The subconscious or intuition will do all the work for you. Sometimes a conversation with an uninterested stranger helps. By speaking out loud all your reasons and doubts, you thereby come to a solution. Good luck to you!
Over the course of our lives, we have to make various decisions many times. And it often happens that we hesitate: to act this way or otherwise?Or we don’t understand at all how we should act ... What to do in such cases? How to behave so that you do not regret what you have done later? In fact, there are many ways to help you.
Method one. Reasoning.
It is suitable for people who think rationally, who are used to reasoning with.
Try to calculate the consequences of this or that action. Your best bet is to write all the pros and cons on a piece of paper to make it clearer. Let's say you are offered a new job, but you are in doubt whether to agree or not. Take a sheet, divide it into two halves and on one write down all the advantages of the proposed position, for example, "high salary", "growth prospects", "social package", on the second - negative factors - "work far from home", "irregular schedule" , "Little information about this company" and so on.
Look at both halves of the sheet and calculate how many pros and cons you got. Now highlight what is your priority. After all, suppose a salary and career may well compensate for some inconvenience. And it also happens that money and a career are not the main thing for you, but you want to return home early and spend the weekend with your family. This method will simply help you to visually put everything on the shelves, and so it will be easier to finally make a decision.
Method two. Intuition.
Suitable for people with an intuitive mindset. Listen to what. If you were offered a job or, say, marriage, and the offer seems to be good, but for some reason you are not tempted to accept it, so maybe you shouldn't? And, on the contrary, if your mind doubts, and your heart prompts you to do just that, shouldn't you follow his lead? If earlier your intuitive premonitions have already been justified, then it means that you can well trust them.
Method three. Try fate.
This is for magically minded citizens. It's about different. Not even necessarily traditional, like cards or I Ching. You can just think: "If the next candy I get from this bag is green, then I will go to this place, and if red, then I will refuse the trip." The main thing is to get the candy without looking.
You can "tell fortunes" and with the help of a clock. Connoisseurs say that if on the watch face when you glance at it. there will be a "kush" - say, 11 hours 11 minutes, then you can be sure that the upcoming meeting or enterprise will be successful for you. If the first two digits are greater than the second two, say, 21 hours zero three minutes, you should not rush to make a decision. If on the contrary, for example, the clock shows 15:39, it means that the time is running out for you: hurry up so as not to miss your chance.
Now on sale there are special balls for making decisions. You formulate a question, shake the ball and look at the answer in the window. Just remember that the ball does not predict the future, but only tells you what to expect and how best to act in a given situation.
Method four. Reading the signs of fate.
Suitable for those who are interested, if not mysticism, then psychology, etc. When thinking about a solution, pay attention to what is happening around you. Suppose you are about to go somewhere, but are in doubt whether to go or not. And then suddenly the phones start ringing and the requests of acquaintances fall on you, you lose the keys to the apartment and find that the sole of the shoes has flown off ... Most likely, Providence tells you: you should not go to this meeting.
Or someone offers you cooperation, and his surname turns out to be the same as that of a person whom you knew many years ago and with whom you had some unpleasant situation ... Is it by chance?
Or are you planning a trip, and suddenly, by a strange coincidence, you come across a post on the Web of a former client of the same travel company who recalls with horror how he used its services ...
They ask you for a large amount of money, and then the title of the note catches your eye: "Firm N has gone bankrupt" ...
You have had a stabbing in your lower back for the third month already, but you have no idea whether to go to the doctor. And then catch a snippet of someone else's conversation in the subway: "I did an ultrasound scan yesterday, they said - a kidney stone ..."
You are wondering whether it is worth going on a date to the gentleman who invited you, and they sing on the radio: “Don't go to his meeting, don't go. He has a granite stone in his chest. " Isn't it a hint?
A "picture" can also carry a hint. For example, you are not sure whether you should connect fate with this particular person. And suddenly you see a couple of tender swans on the pond. Or, on the contrary, you meet a couple of desperately fighting cats on the street ... Make the appropriate conclusions.
Of course, you shouldn't take literally every little thing for. But if a word or event attracted your attention, engraved in your memory, or it seemed to you clearly that “this is all about you,” that this is connected with your situation, then it makes sense to take this into account. Good luck with your decisions!
When people share the worst decisions made in their lives, they often refer to the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.
Our life would be completely different if Ctrl + Z acted in our life, which would cancel the decisions made.
But we are not slaves to our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to be dulled or completely subside. Therefore, folk wisdom recommends that in the event that an important decision has to be made, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, by the way. It does not hurt to take note of it! Although for many solutions, one sleep is not enough. A special strategy is needed.
One of the effective tools that we would like to offer you is strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch (Suzy Welch) is a former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, a popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:
- How will you feel about this after 10 minutes?
- What will you think about this decision after 10 months?
- What will be your reaction to this in 10 years?
By concentrating our attention on these terms, we distance ourselves from the problem of making an important decision by us.
Now let's look at the action of this rule using an example.
Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend, Cyril. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronica claims that Kirill is a wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly who she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and. She does not have an infinite amount of time to develop a relationship with Cyril, who is under 40. During these 9 months, she never met Kirill's daughter from her first marriage, and the cherished "I love you" never sounded in their pair from either side.
The divorce from my wife was terrible. After that, Kirill decided to avoid serious relationships. In addition, he keeps his daughter out of his personal life. Veronica understands that he is in pain, but she is also offended that such an important part of her beloved's life is closed to her.
Veronica knows that Kirill does not like to rush to make decisions. But should she, in this case, take a step herself and say “I love you” first?
The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and here's what came of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she must decide whether to confess her love to Cyril on the weekend or not.
Question 1: How do you feel about this decision after 10 minutes?
Answer: "I think I would be worried, but at the same time I was proud of myself that I took the risk and said it first."
Question 2: What would you think of your decision if 10 months passed?
Answer: “I don't think I will regret it after 10 months. No, I will not. I sincerely want this to work out. Those who do not take risks do not drink champagne! "
Question 3: How do you feel about your decision after 10 years?
Answer: “Regardless of how Kirill reacts, in 10 years the decision to confess his love first is unlikely to matter. By this time, either we will be happy together, or I will be in a relationship with someone else. "
Notice the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result, we have quite a simple solution:
Veronica must take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing works out with Kirill. But without consciously analyzing the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult to her. Short-term emotions - fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection - were distractions and disincentives.
What happened to Veronica after - you are probably wondering. She still said “I love you” first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation, and stop feeling in limbo. Cyril did not confess his love to her. But progress was on the face: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and admit the reciprocity of feelings. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together reach 80%.
Eventually
The 10/10/10 rule helps you win the emotional game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this moment, seem saturated and sharp, but the future - on the contrary, vague. Therefore, the emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.
The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change your angle of view: consider a moment in the future (for example, in 10 months) from the same point that you are looking at the present.
This technique puts your short-term emotions into perspective. This is not at all about ignoring them. They often even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you must not let your emotions take over.
Remembering the contrast of emotions is necessary not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you deliberately avoid serious conversation with your boss, you are letting your emotions get the best of you. If you present the opportunity to have a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, and after 10 months - will you be glad that you decided on this conversation? Will you breathe a sigh of relief? Or will you feel proud?
But what if you want to reward the work of a great employee and are going to offer him a promotion: will you doubt the correctness of your decision in 10 minutes, will you regret what you did after 10 months (suddenly other employees feel left out), and will it be will the raise matter to your business 10 years later?
As you can see short-term emotions are not always harmful... The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long term is not the only correct one. It only proves that the short-term feelings you are experiencing cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.