How to raise self-esteem for yourself. How to boost self-esteem and self-confidence in women, men and children

There are many qualities that are inherent in confident women.

Such representatives of the fair sex delight men and envy rivals.

Self-confidence in this case does not mean external beauty, but internal energy... Some character traits of such women are misunderstood.

For example, most of the fair sex believes that self-confidence is identical with independence, but independence, in turn, implies, but a single strong woman can never be.

Signs of a woman with high self-esteem and self-confidence:

Reasons for low self-esteem

Provoke low self-esteema woman may have numerous factors that relate to childhood, adolescence, life experience and the impact of traumatic situations. Excessive self-criticism and lack of self-love always has a specific reason.

It is imperative to identify this negative factor. Otherwise, it will be extremely difficult to get the job done to improve self-esteem.

Possible reasonslow self-esteem in women can be the following factors:

The reason for low self-esteem in girls:

What methods will help in the formation of adequate self-esteem?

There are several techniques you can use to improve a woman's self-esteem. The best option is an appeal to a psychologist.

The specialist will be able to identify the reasons for an overly critical attitude towards himself, draw up an individual program for working on the subconscious and correctly select the necessary methods of influence.

You can try to carry out this work by yourself.

How to get rid of low self-esteem? Basic techniques:

work on yourself and your worldview;
improvement of personal qualities;
self-development and knowledge of new areas of life;
reading psychological literature;
expanding your horizons and intelligence.

Books

If a woman is afraid to go to a psychologist, then she can find out information about ways to raise self-esteem from special literature... Many sources are devoted to this problem. As a basis, you can take the recommendations of psychologists that are freely available on the Internet (scientific articles, forums, etc.).

Which book should I buy? Examples of books in psychology:

Having studied the basis, you can develop your own methods that will help you become a representative of the fair sex, who does not doubt her effectiveness and is confident in her abilities.

What is the name of the fear of touching strangers? find out right now.

How to love yourself and increase your self-esteem? Learn from the video:

What can you do at home?

Ways to Boost Your Confidence at home:

I'm afraid of relationships with men: what to do? you will find on our website.

Training

Self-esteem training for a woman includes four main directions- developing confidence in communicating with people around, in their external and internal attractiveness, in being in society and in different types relationships (love, professional, etc.). The result of the program is achieved through the implementation of certain stages.

Training stagesto improve self-esteem in a woman:

Courses

Exists many courseshelping to cope with various psychological problems. Boosting self-esteem for women is no exception.

Specialists use programs developed by leading psychologists and conduct not only group but also individual lessons.

Such courses operate in many cities. An analogue of such programs is appointment for a consultationto a psychologist.

How to gain self-confidence? Tips:

How to become cocky and confident?

Audacityconsidered one of distinctive features a woman who is confident in herself.

Not to be confused this concept with bitchiness and insolence.

A strong representative of the fair sex is always kind to others.

Impudence and bitchiness do not imply such qualities. To develop in yourself the correct audacity long-term work on yourself is necessary... A confident woman always defends her point of view, but she does it tactfully.

Psychologists' tips for improving self-esteem in different situations:

When building self-esteem, it is important to understand that the process of self-development is endless... It is impossible for a certain period of time to become an ideal, but you can significantly improve your personal qualities by changing not only your own attitude towards yourself, but also the opinion of the people around you.

A woman should always engage in self-development. Having achieved some goals, it is necessary to set new tasks for yourself.

His betrayal and your self-esteem. What to do? Learn from the video:

Lifehacker has collected five tips that will open your eyes to a lot and help you improve your beloved's opinion of yourself.

1. Stop thinking of yourself as "just a woman"

Society inspires us with the idea that women are inconsistent, cannot find themselves, and therefore at work, many feel like impostors, claiming to be someone else's breadwinner. At home, women suffer from the fact that, due to their employment, they cannot devote sufficient time to “truly female” affairs: creating comfort, caring for children, and so on.

This confusion in social roles, the impossibility of torn between diametrically opposed statuses of "purposeful Amazon" for colleagues and business partners and "affectionate domestic cat" for husband and children lead to the fact that a woman loses self-confidence, begins to doubt her own abilities.

At first glance, everything is so. Indeed, a woman has many reasons for doubt. But an important nuance is that men have no less such reasons.

There is no evidence that women suffer from low self-esteem more often than men.

3. Use Popular Techniques to Boost Your Self-Esteem

Both sexes can effectively use universal guidelines for developing self-love:

In addition to them, you can also concentrate on methods that take into account physical and psychological characteristics namely women.

Find a comfortable way to appear taller

“Look down” is not just a common phrase about snobbery. This is one of the principles on which social relations work: we subconsciously perceive high growth as one of the signs of a leader. for example, you can read a detailed article by the authoritative American edition of Business Insider on this subject: it contains the benefits that a person receives from growth. Subconscious perception shapes reality, and if you feel physically superior to those around you, your self-esteem also rises.

It is relatively easy for a woman to feel “dignified” if she puts on high-heeled shoes or a platform, or at least lifts the seat of an office chair higher in order to rise above her counterpart during negotiations. Yes, it can have a positive effect to increase growth too.

Watch your posture

A straight back has a powerful effect on behavior and self-perception. The reason is in many ways: a raised chin and straightened shoulders trigger the release of testosterone - a "masculine" hormone that gives assertiveness and self-confidence. In addition, proud posture reduces stress levels and reduces anxiety.

Gesture

Confidence is often related to how much space we take up in space. Remember wildlife: Large dominant beasts move with sweeping and imposing movements. But those who are hunted, on the contrary, try to be as small and inconspicuous as possible. Gesturing during a conversation helps expand the space in the space that you occupy. As a result, you will feel more freedom and self-confidence.

If you are not used to gesticulating, it is worth practicing in front of a mirror to find exactly those movements that will look as natural as possible.

Don't cross your arms over your chest

This closed pose is also a way to seem small and inconspicuous, therefore, a person who has closed his hands from the world is perceived by others as weak. And he himself begins to feel that way.

If during a conversation you do not know where to put your hands, put them on your sides: put your palms on your waist, bending your elbows. This is an open posture that exudes confidence.

Don't be afraid to laugh at your mistakes

Insecure people tend to make excuses or hide mistakes. Confident people know how to take responsibility for their decisions, both good and bad. To say “Yes, I was wrong here, next time I will have to act differently” is actually much easier than it seems. And this is how others define a psychologically strong person.

Ask yourself the question "So what?"

Often we are afraid of some things that do not really have meaningful consequences. To sober yourself up in such moments, it is useful to ask the question "So what?" For instance:

“I want to voice it, but what if other people don’t support me?” - So what?
"I would like to go to this event, but I hardly know anyone there ..." - so what?
“I can forget what to say next during the presentation” - so what?

This simplest express self-analysis allows you to understand: even in the most negative scenario, nothing terrible will happen to you. So, you can safely act.

Find an object to follow

Among the people around you, there are likely to be those who demonstrate confident behavior and high self-esteem. Take a closer look at them. Try to act like them. This is one way to adopt successful life principles and “copy” the level of confidence you desire.

4. Do what you like

Doing what you love is one of the most effective ways to boost your self-esteem. The hardest part here is finding the one you really like.

5. Be active

There is a very popular version that low self-esteem is a kind of passive aggression. Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior... Someone says: "I do not want!", "I will not!" And someone is afraid to voice their refusal aloud, and then it sounds: "I can't, I'm just small and weak." Not believing in yourself is often just a way to justify your own inactivity, to blame others. But this method is destructive.

Low self-esteem is only cured by action. Action (even through fear) → success (even after one or two not very successful attempts) → increased self-confidence and self-confidence. This is the most effective remedy for self-dislike.

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use without the written permission of the copyright holder.

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Oksana Sergeeva
Part 1. How to Awaken Self-Confidence
50 simple rules

Introduction

Awkwardness in an unfamiliar company, a sense of shame, self-doubt, constant self-flagellation for a mistake, inability to change the situation in your favor - are you familiar? Many people experience similar emotions and feelings from time to time. However, most people can cope with bouts of insecurity and get the better of their own shyness. But some are struggling to overcome their fears. Such people are considered insecure. This insecurity can manifest itself in different ways and to varying degrees. For example, one person is embarrassed to meet girls, afraid of being rejected, another is afraid to leave his father's house and start living on his own, the third avoids social relations, preferring loneliness to being in a team. Each of them has their own insecurities, their own fears. In this book we will touch upon different sides of uncertainty, we will try to find it even where, at first glance, there is no trace of it.

If you doubt yourself and your strengths from time to time, and these doubts prevent you from developing, going forward and solving the problems that you face, then it's time to try to figure out why this is happening, why you are not able to cope with your emotions. This book is designed to help you overcome yourself and find inner self-confidence.

Have you ever asked yourself the question: what is self-confidence and how is it expressed? Indeed - how to distinguish a self-confident person from an insecure person? Some people believe that self-confidence is synonymous with success. The stronger and more confident a person is, the more successful they are. Accordingly, the most important signs of self-confidence are signs of high social status - for example, high postwith an expensive suit, fashionable car brand, presentable appearance... Others say that the true meaning of confidence is to be able to speak in public, because only a confident person is able to convey his thought, his position to a large number of people. Many people, even those with high social status, are not given this. Accordingly, the main signs of self-confidence, according to this point of view, are the public profession, oratorical skills, the ability to impress the public.

Still others are convinced that true, deep confidence is expressed in the ability to establish contact with by different people, ability to convince and persuade them. A confident person easily enters a new company, while not intentionally striving to please others, does not put on a mask of courtesy in order to be accepted into a new society - he simply remains himself. Signs of his self-confidence are naturalness, openness, charisma.

So what can be done? What kind of confidence do you need to develop in yourself first? What is most important in creating a confident look? By and large, these points of view do not contradict each other. They are parts of a whole. A self-confident person is more or less successful, has a talent for public speaking and an inner core that makes him an attractive and bright personality. This is a kind of three levels, three layers of a confident personality. To become confident in yourself, you need to develop all the elements of a confident image.

However, we often encounter underdevelopment of a confident image, when, for example, something succeeds easily, but something needs to be worked on. In this book we will give practical advice to demonstrate confidence in various situations, to create an external image of a self-confident person, to form the skill of public speaking, as well as to build a confident life position.

Chapter 1
About confident and not so

Who is a “confident person”? This is a relaxed, calm, energetic person who behaves in accordance with his character and in accordance with the situation in which he is. He is adequate in assessments, calm in reactions, even in emotions. Most often he is pleasant to talk to. He easily converges with people, confidently expresses his point of view, can enter into an argument and prove his innocence in case his interlocutor is mistaken. Confidence includes three basic components: a confident image, confident communication, and a confident life position.

If you want to become such a person, first of all, you need to understand what the true meaning of self-confidence is. To do this, we will need to look around and understand which is which. It is important to distinguish real confidence from its similitude, to see the difference between true belief in yourself and snobbery, arrogance, overestimated self-esteem, arrogance. In this chapter, we will also try to figure out what is the difference between shyness and shyness, how humble and fearful people differ from each other.

Rule # 1
To be confident in yourself, you need to adequately assess your abilities.

Confidence, according to the majority, is an inner conviction in one's own righteousness, in one's own position, in one's own talent. We call confident person, who is not afraid to declare his own talent, his unique skills and abilities. However, as practice shows, belief in one's own giftedness is not enough.

Most of us carefully talk about our abilities and skills, few can confidently say that he is better than others in something. As a rule, such a statement causes a mixed reaction. Someone begins to admire a confident and gifted person, and someone disapproves of him as a person with a clearly overestimated self-esteem. We can speak about confidence in this case only when the words and the real state of affairs coincide. But if we understand that we are faced with a person who clearly overestimates his abilities, we begin to dislike him. Here we are dealing with self-confidence that only remotely resembles true self-confidence.

What is the essence of this phenomenon? A person under the influence of certain conditions (as a rule, this is a hothouse environment of upbringing, parental adoration and overprotection) begins to feel in himself the presence of superpowers that distinguish him from many other people, and in fact he does not have these abilities, but he sincerely believes in them Existence. This confidence can be reinforced by the testimony of relatives, friends, or it can arise as a protest against constant criticism. Such inadequate self-esteem for the time being can bear fruit: sometimes those around, deceived by the false confidence of the personality, begin to believe in its uniqueness, but after a while everything falls into place. The true state of affairs is revealed. The overconfident attitude becomes annoying because it has nothing to do with reality.

There are similarities between true confidence and a self-confident attitude. This is why we often confuse the two. In both cases, a person is not afraid to talk about himself, his merits, natural gifts. A person does not hesitate to give himself a high mark, seeks to demonstrate his own achievements. The difference between a self-confident person and a self-confident person is that the latter has adequate self-esteem - he knows his own worth and knows about his strengths and weaknesses, he speaks about himself confidently, but there are always real deeds behind his words. High self-esteem is often a brake on personality development. So, a person who is confident in his own uniqueness can stop working on himself, he can give up the painstaking daily work on self-improvement. He should give up unreasonable ambitions and start working on himself, in this case he will have a chance for a great future.

In essence, overconfidence is a dangerous sensation that can lead to disappointment in yourself and in your abilities. Just imagine: a person who has lived for a long time with a sense of his own uniqueness comes out into real life and is faced with the fact that no one notices his uniqueness. In such a situation, a person can plunge into depression for a long time. Before developing self-confidence, you need to correctly assess yourself, your strengths, your abilities. If it seems to you that you are not able to assess yourself objectively, then you should seek the help of an expert in the field of your talent, gift or skill in order for you to form an adequate picture of your personality. It is important to know your own worth - so that later no one could underestimate it.

Rule # 2
Confidence and arrogance are two incompatible things.

It is believed that self-confidence is akin to the ability to get what you want. This is a kind of talent for achieving goals, and regardless of the circumstances in which you find yourself, and regardless of the difficulties that you face. This is definitely important indicator, an important component of confidence, but sometimes the desire to get what you want is so powerful that it overrides the ability to control yourself. Then confidence is transformed into arrogance.

Insolence is sometimes perceived as a semblance of confidence. These phenomena have both similarities and differences. The similarity lies primarily in the ability to achieve your own. And the difference is in what methods, means and personal qualities a person achieves this. A confident person acts directly. He uses his knowledge, skills and abilities in order to get things done. A person with inner confidence can deviate from the intended plan if he feels that the main prize is too tough for him. Of course, retreating will shake his self-confidence, but this will only be a temporary phenomenon, and gradually his level of confidence will return to normal limits.

There is a popular expression: "Impudence is the second happiness." It helps a person to achieve what he wants at all costs. And this is its main difference from confidence. An arrogant, boorish, daring person can dare to receive what does not belong to him, which he, perhaps, does not deserve. Impudence can set itself unrealistic, inadequate goals and, despite all BUT, achieve them. Insolence often uses incorrect, unethical, even immoral methods. Impudence is capable of taking the target by storm. If the target turns out to be impregnable, the impudence does not retreat, it continues to storm the gates of the impregnable fortress, and the fortress, as a rule, surrenders.

We often mistake an arrogant person for a confident person. However, these are different kinds of phenomena. If confidence is a quality that helps to cope with difficulties and achieve what you want thanks to a clear life position, then arrogance, in contrast to it, tends to avoid a long and painstaking path and reach the goal in the shortest, but not the most ethical way. For example, a self-confident person achieves promotion by activity, initiative and good work results, while an arrogant person will go to his new position, discrediting his employees in the eyes of his superiors. It is believed that arrogance can achieve its goal in any case. This is not true. Even the most arrogant of scoundrels can face insurmountable obstacles in the form of rebuffing their onslaught. So you have to choose - an easy but dubious path along which the impudent walk, or a solid and conscientious path of confident work on yourself.

Rule No. 3
Confidence should not be confused with snobbery.

Snobbery and self-confidence are opposite phenomena. However, we often compare one with the other and find some similarities. These two positions have something in common - both the snob and the self-confident person have a strong charisma that can attract the attention of others. But this is perhaps the only similarity.

Snobbery is a phenomenon born of social and legal inequality of the past centuries, it would seem, should have long ago left our reality. But no. In our time, snobbery has been transformed, modified, but it remains one of the unattractive forms of expression of attitude towards people. In essence, snobbery is a manifestation of hostility towards those who do not meet certain parameters, criteria elevated to a cult. Such criteria can be material well-being, intellectual development, creativity, and the like. The main signs of snobbery are unwillingness to communicate with people who do not meet the given parameters, dismissive, sometimes condescending and derogatory attitude towards people outside their circle.

Of course, a person prone to snobbery may himself possess qualities that make him stand out from the crowd. These qualities and achievements are the result of long, hard work on oneself. A person who was able to change, make his personality unusual, of course, has extraordinary willpower. But the question is - where does his desire to be better than others come from? Isn't inner self-doubt the main reason?

Yes, maybe that's the point. A person is comfortable communicating with people from his circle, about whom he knows everything that is clear to him. Others are a mystery to him: he does not understand their motives, life values \u200b\u200band attitudes, he believes that their worldview can shake his confidence (more precisely, the appearance of self-confidence that he has created). Snobbery and self-confidence are fruits from different fields, although the external form of behavior of both types of people - calmness, restraint, external pride - makes these two phenomena extremely similar.

Don't think of a snob as a confident person. In essence, this is a weak personality type that comfortably hides behind a mask of neglect and dislike for others. Don't take it too seriously. I don't think you can manage a snob. Upon learning that you know his secret, he will try to reduce your communication to a minimum or stop it altogether. A much more effective way of communicating with this type of people is the appearance of recognizing his uniqueness, as well as maintaining the illusion of the correctness of his demeanor.

Rule No. 4
To gain confidence, you need to stop being selfish.

It is hardly necessary to explain the meaning of the phenomenon of egoism. I think that each of us at least once in his life received a reproach for his own selfishness or felt a smack of guilt from the fact that he cares about himself much more than about others. In fact, in small doses, selfishness is even good for a person. It's okay if you strive for the mental and material wealth that will make your life better. But the situation is exacerbated when egoism from reasonable turns into unlimited.

It is worth talking about egoism exceeding the critical norm when a person begins to measure the world around him exclusively by his own interests. For him, there is only that part of the universe that is turned in his direction. He communicates only with those people in whom he sees practical use, he acts as it is beneficial to him, without thinking about what the consequences of his actions will be for those around him. In fact, he doesn't care what they think of him, because he feels boundless, boundless power.

This selfish attitude works at first. A person reaps the fruits of his belief that the world should revolve around him. His friends, close ones, relatives take part in his life, strive to help him. But gradually their altruism fades away, because in return for their disinterested help they receive nothing. The egoist continues to use the people around him in his own interests, but turns out to be stingy with gratitude. Gradually, the circle of his friends and acquaintances narrows, egoism loses its former strength, ceases to bear fruit - and a person from a successful and beloved one turns into an abandoned and forgotten one.

Egoism has a similarity with confidence at first, when the egoist manages to take the most valuable from life, without giving anything in return. During such a period, the egoist confidently walks through life. Outwardly, he may seem like a person with inner confidence. However, the similarity ends when the selfish person is alone and his former friends, who have realized the meaning of his behavior, break off relations with him. True self-confidence and selfishness are not the same. Confidence is characterized by the presence of a solid core: a person who is confident in himself does not use this quality for selfish purposes. He achieves his goals on his own, while he does not need to use his environment for selfish purposes. In addition, an important difference between true self-confidence and the selfish position of narcissism is the fact that confidence is unshakable, it is able to withstand serious trials of fate. And the selfish attitude over time either turns a person into lonely and embittered, or gives experience and helps him change for the better.

Rule No. 5
True self-confidence and nihilistic attitudes have nothing to do with each other.

Nihilism is a conventional name for a whole complex of psychological and characterological characteristics that some people possess. This complex includes the presence of a syndrome of denial, a predominantly pessimistic approach to life, confidence in future failures.

Nihilists prefer to deny, scold, be in a bad mood, rather than give the world positive emotions. For them, this way of self-expression is the most acceptable. For some of them, this is a way to stand out from the crowd of positive-minded people. For others, it is a way of protection from the negativity of others, from the troubles that happen in life. Such people can ruin your mood pretty quickly. Outwardly, they look quite confident in themselves. They seem to know ahead of time what is going to happen and foresee the outcome in advance. The main difference from true self-confidence is that the outcome that these people predict usually has negative consequences. What's the matter here? Where is the key to the unshakable attitude of nihilism?

Obviously, getting a negative result is much easier than a positive one; doing something bad is easier than achieving outstanding results. This is the answer to this psychological mystery. You don't need to be Nostradamus to predict the failure of your own interview. If you yourself do not believe in your success, then why should the employer believe in this success? You don't need to have any extraordinary abilities to predict failure in your personal life, if you don't make any efforts to improve this life. It's simple. If you do nothing, nothing will work. In such a situation, hoping for success is at least silly. Here are skeptics and nihilists and do not hope and in one voice continue to doubt and deny. It's easier that way, you see. It is much easier to deny than to assert, much easier to doubt than hope.

But at the same time, nihilists have an undeniable advantage over other people: they know about their failure in advance, thereby justifying their own inaction. This technique of failure is often used by lazy and clumsy individuals. As a result, they still find their niche in the society, in which they exist quite comfortably. But this has nothing to do with confidence.

Rule No. 6
Modesty is a great foundation for developing self-confidence

AT modern world developed a negative attitude towards modesty. It is perceived as the opposite of confidence. Experienced people say: if you want to achieve your goal - do not be modest, do not wait in the wings, declare yourself and become what you want.

In the old days it was believed that the more modest and complaisant a girl is, the more desirable she is. In our time, the tastes of men have changed, and they are happy to look at obstinate and wayward young ladies, and shy women sit alone waiting in the wings. So is there really no place for modesty now, and if you are modest and delicate, you are destined to stay out of work?

Let's take a look at what humility is in the true meaning of the word. Modesty is, first of all, the absence of boastfulness, the possession of a sense of proportion in everything, including desires. A humble person will never boast of his merits and stick out his own I. It is worth noting that a confident person does not do this either - he knows about his advantages, and therefore he absolutely needlessly draw the attention of others on them every time. At the same time, modesty implies the moderation of desires - that is, desires humble person always coincide with his capabilities and needs. He doesn't ask for too much, nor does he hesitate to take as much as he deserves.

Many people are plagued by setbacks at work or in their personal lives. But few people know that most failures come from self-doubt. A few simple tips will help you cope with insecurity, regain faith in yourself and raise your self-esteem.

At any life situation, a person needs to believe in himself. For example, at work, at home with friends, or even going on vacation buying hot tours and relaxing on the beach - it is not always possible to cope with your own self-esteem, from which in the end we may not get good result... But in fact, it is not difficult to increase self-esteem and it is quite possible, only it can take time.

A few tips will help with this:

1. Never compare yourself to others.

All people are different from each other and each has different qualities and abilities. And if you compare yourself with someone else, then you can always find many opponents who will be impossible to surpass or achieve their results.

2. Never berate yourself.

By expressing negativity about yourself and your abilities, it will be impossible to achieve any results. Better praise yourself, even for the smallest action.

3. Thank you for your compliment.

If you respond to a compliment with a phrase like: "Yes, nothing special," then you psychologically deny the praise and already in your subconscious mind concentrate on the thought that you are not worthy to be praised. And this, in turn, greatly underestimates self-esteem.

4. Increase your self-esteem with various statements.

Place phrases in the most conspicuous place: “I will succeed”, “I deserve the best in life”, “I love myself” and the like. It may seem ridiculous at first, but over time you will notice how your self-esteem starts to rise.

5. Gather positive people around you.

Try to select in your environment confident and positive people who are able to support you at any moment. In a negative environment where you and your ideas will overwhelm you, oh high self-esteem and there is nothing to say.

6. Write a list of your accomplishments.

You can start the list with the simplest, and at first glance, trivial. You should not initially seek out monumental achievements in your life. A little success is also a success. How to improve self-esteem? And you can start, for example, by learning how to ride a bike, doing exercises every morning, etc. This list will need to be reviewed and re-read often, while trying to remember and feel the emotions that you experienced.

7. Write down all your positive qualities.

And do not be too self-critical, on the contrary, a little flattery will only help you to believe in yourself. Look for at least 15 positive qualities in yourself. This list should also be read quite often.

8. If possible, do what you like.

It is quite difficult to maintain a positive mood and high self-esteem when a person is engaged in an unloved business and despises his job. Your self-esteem can only be raised if doing something that brings pleasure, makes you feel necessary and even valuable.

9. Stay true to yourself.

That is, live your life without relying on or relying on the opinions of other people, whoever these people are: family, friends or work colleagues. Only by making decisions on your own can you stay true to yourself and raise your self-esteem.

10. Act, act and act again!

And this is the most important advice... After all, sitting in one place, you will not change anything and will not be able to raise your self-esteem. Inaction due to fear or for another reason, a person begins to fall into apathy or depression, which by itself will lead to a decrease in self-esteem. And by acting, even with insignificant results in the beginning, you gradually improve your attitude towards yourself and increase your self-esteem.

Raising self-esteem

How to raise self-esteem for men (women), what is important to know how to act?

Hello dear reader! In this article, I will give the first recommendations on how to raise self-esteem. In other articles on the site, you will find even more information on this topic.

What is self-esteem and how important it is for a person is not worth saying, this is understandable. And what is needed to raise your self-esteem and make it more stable and independent of external factors, in particular people.

Firstly, a real desire (not just a wishlist, but a firm intention), certain knowledge and 100% responsibility, without which it is impossible to do something worthwhile in life.

It is important to understand that you cannot destroy something and then build a new one in a few days. With the right approach, you can make it fasterbut that doesn't mean fast.

There is a quick way though. It " miracle"that can happen to you, or that you can arrange for yourself. For example, arrange for yourself amnesia. And then you have to form yourself, your views and your self-esteem anew, unless your memory comes back to you.

True, I do not advise anyone to do this " miracle"In addition, self-esteem is not so difficult to change, there are much more difficult things in life, for example, to find and achieve your goal.

How to improve our self-esteem? How to become more confident?

The first thing is important to keep in mind.

Self-assessment can change not only during life, but even during the day, and more than once, everything depends on the person, in particular, on his character traits, situation and mood at the moment. I think many of you noticed how you felt good and confident just recently, you thought that you could do anything, but some unpleasant event happened (for example, someone told you something), you were upset, and an inner emptiness or even depression immediately manifested itself.

And the most interesting thing is that all this is quite normal, it happens to everyone, even the most confident people, only in their case, it is not an acute (painful) character, because they self-sufficient, they value, love themselves and are guided mainly by their own opinion.

Many are sure that you can always be at your best, you can always be consistently confident and strive for this state. But this is a big misconception - you can't always be strong, confident and the best, always be cheerful and positive!

We have different periods: moments of recession and recovery, sadness and joy, calmness and excitement; only in some it happens less often, in others - more often and in sharp, abrupt jumps.

Depending on the circumstances, you can feel less confident at any time, for example, when your plan did not work out or you are faced with completely new circumstances for yourself, this is a reality that there is no point in resisting.

Causes of tension, weakness, and a constant drop in self-esteem

When a person always tries to be strong and confident, but does not feel that way internally, he is in constant anxiety and tension, he pushes himself into a framework and is forced to constantly control his actions. After all, his status, as he believes, should strive to maintain, and he simply cannot relax.

And if suddenly something does not turn out the way he wants (as he expected), if, in his opinion, he shows unacceptable weakness in some words and behavior, then, willingly or unwittingly, he gets upset, gets angry and criticizes himself. This takes a lot of energy, his vitality and immediately lowers self-esteem.

Therefore, to begin with, you should not attach too much importance to this fact, a certain decrease in self-esteem, this is normal, just today was not your day. We all have days that we don't want to remember.

And it is important not to force yourself to always be strong (oh), at a height, but you just need to gradually stabilize your self-esteem, learn to live with the state that you have, admit that you may not be in the best mood and allow yourself to be insecure.

This approach makes it possible to fully relax, and when a person is relaxed, he himself becomes calmer and more confident.

The fact and awareness of this already can help you, give you more freedom, liberate and give you confidence in action.

There is also a very important point, similar to what is written above. When some unpleasant event happened, someone criticized you, "ran over" or maybe they forgot about you (ignored), treated you disrespectfully - and you expected something different and for this reason experienced unpleasant feelings, and your self-esteem dropped , besides, you might think that it is you who are to blame, you are somehow not like that - do not engage in self-digging and destructive analysis.

The reason may not be in you at all, and even if this is so, then nothing good, except pain, you will not achieve by self-digging.

What's happening? Self-esteem has dropped, you are upset and against the background of this bad mood you are trying to understand why it happened, what was done or said wrong. Your mood and self-esteem from such unpleasant thoughts instantly decreases even more... Think about it, this happens often.

In this situation, it is impossible to draw useful conclusions (for this you need to have good self-control and be), and all this is only the seeming impression that, they say, I will delve into myself, find a solution (some words of justification) and I will feel better.

Here you just need to internally completely resign with what happened, leave all introspection and boldly move on.

And one of the main reasons why, in principle, one should never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging - this does not in any way support your confidence, but on the contrary only aggravates your situation and general condition. Why this happens, you can read in the article "", about how stressful thoughts and emotions affect our body.

As for the experience, which is important to learn from situations, then this should be done calm, cold introspection, not criticizing, berating yourself and not leaving the imprint of your whole past.

Such introspection is not done immediately, but some time after the event, when you have already calmed down, this makes it possible to look at the situation with a sober look. After all, only with a cool head, without unnecessary emotions, in a calm atmosphere, you can draw objective conclusions, and not blame yourself or others.

It is even more desirable to do it on paper. So the brain perceives and processes information better, you will see better (clearer) what is important to you, and what is just harmful nonsense.

From the whole analysis, only the very essence is taken, that is, a piece of real experience, a short (laconic) conclusion without any anger and criticism addressed to you, you find and draw a positive conclusion (benefit for yourself), this is real introspection and useful, constructive, easy criticism.

Many condemn themselves so mercilessly that there is no way to come to inner peace, confidence and love for oneself. But is it possible through violence and guilt to come to spiritual harmony? How can you raise your self-esteem? Think for yourself.

And yet, I know perfectly well how it pulls, in spite of all the warnings, to continue digging and introspection while remaining emotionally shattered, because I want to quickly find a logical solution to calm myself, but very often this does not do anything good, just keep in mind.

Output:

Never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging;

Introduce yourself when you are calm and better on paper;

Temporary uncertainty and a decline in self-esteem are normal, this happens to everyone, just take it easy on it.

Self-esteem and the influence of people

It is always important to remember that no assessment of other people should not affect your self-esteem, they can cause something internally unpleasant or good in you, depending on whether they praise or criticize you, but this influence should be more like ripples on the surface of the water, and not a tsunami that destroys everything. Whatever anyone tells you, learn to treat it with detachment, without unnecessary emotions.

If you did or said something wrong and think that you are wrong, there is no point in dwelling on this, you have already done it, and nothing will be returned. Over time, you will still have the opportunity to correct something, if necessary, and it is not so important who and what thinks about you, the main thing is how you think about yourself.

Exactly what we ourselves are we think about ourselves, the most important thing , so self-assessment is called self-assessment, and not mom-assessment, dad-assessment, colleagues-assessment, etc., let the rest think what they want, it is their legal right and their problems to think about something there.

By the way, most people themselves are fixated on what others think of them - how they look, how they are looked at, how they are treated, they think about control over their behavior, words and facial expressions - and, in fact, they do not really care up to you, so worry less.

1) Your thoughts and words to yourself

Talk to yourself, your thoughts are your friends, your thoughts should to help to act, not harm you. And I only mean sound thoughts, and not everything that can come to mind.

You cannot believe everything that we can consciously and unconsciously think about. Some of our thoughts depend on many circumstances: on mood, general tone, and many external and internal factors, and many of them do not even have a hint of any meaning (absurd) and useless. Pay attention only to positive and constructive thoughts.

The way you talk to yourself is very important.

Try to give yourself good, successful thoughts and talk to yourself as a friend (do not be afraid, this is relentlessness :), this is a very useful and good thing). Self-esteem is, first of all, attitude to oneself. Good attitude to yourself, no matter what you did, no matter how badly you did in relation to the morality and opinions of others.

What words do you say to yourself? What do you feel? What are your thoughts contributing to?

If you say to yourself: " i won't succeed", " i am not capable, I cannot", "where should I go to this", "i won't go to get acquainted, what if she doesn't like me"or "I'm a fool, I'm not like that"- these thoughts are the way atnowhere... You will definitely not achieve anything with them.

The reality is that if you think you’ll fail, it’s doesn't mean at allthat you really will not succeed, it just says that you may not succeed, but it can also work, if you are brave and try hard.

And if it seems to you that you will not be understood, appreciated and will be laughed at, this does not mean at all that it will be so.

Courage and deeds are very much appreciated by others, even if they are unsuccessful. Reasonable people will see that you are one of those who are able to act!

2) If you want to have stable self-esteem, don't focus on your failures and shortcomings.

It is trite, but this is true, although many do not succeed. Failures happen to everyone. Don't get hung up on this thought when you're about to do something: " I may not succeed"If you think so, most likely it will happen, or it will turn out badly.

Thoughts of failure are blocksthat arise in our head as protection against a miss.

But if you are afraid of everything, then what will you achieve? You need to react to such harmful “thought-blocks” - just calmly ignore them. It is best to passively observe yourself and everything that happens around you, without analyzing anything, and just do what you decide (despite the possibility of failure).

A simple word or a few words spoken to oneself helps a lot. For example, such an unpleasant thought came: " AND what if I don't succeed at all", answer yourself:" I can, I can do it, and let it be what happens"Do not carry on a meaningless conversation with you anymore. Just do it and see the result.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes.

Only the one who pleases everyone or does nothing is not mistaken. We all have the right to make mistakes, and we all make mistakes. A mistake is an opportunity to use your bad experience in order to correct actions in the future and do something better. One must be afraid not of mistakes, but of inaction and ignorance of one's own (desires).

As the saying goes: our success is built on the ruins of our mistakes, and it is impossible to achieve success without making mistakes.

3) Never blame yourself. Again, it is important to get rid of guilt, no matter what thoughts and beliefs interfere with you.

If you have always blamed yourself before, this feeling settles inside, in your subconscious).

And it starts to work as a background, automatically. You yourself do not notice how you suddenly begin to feel guilty, sometimes having done absolutely nothing wrong.

For example, in your direction could to raise some suspicion others, and you mean it just for a moment thought , the feeling of guilt could immediately arise inside.

Whatever you do wrong or bad, you can draw conclusions for the future, but do not blame yourself.

4) Don't make excuses. Justification itself creates negative emotions. Justifying, you are trying to prove something to someone, already implying that you can be guilty.

But even if you prove something, the sediment on the soul will still remain, and justification, no matter how you look, implies guilt. So never make excuses, even if you are guilty, it is better to just apologize if you really are to blame, and that's all.

5) Fear... Good defensive reaction of the body. It occurs in all people without exception. This is a natural sense of self-defense. But if fear completely takes possession of a person, then expect trouble.

6) Learn to accept gratitude. Many, having done a good deed, hesitate to accept gratitude, compliments and praise. But it is important to demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of this gratitude; pride is not pride, pride in yourself, your successes and actions always increases self-esteem. It feeds you, and you can resist it unwisely. And if you are praised, then you deserve it, you need to accept it with dignity.

By avoiding and refusing gratitude, you subconsciously think that you are not worth it, and unconsciously, from within, you fix this unnecessary constraint and shyness in yourself.

Next time you get praised, maybe you should believe it and be happy for yourself? Yes, you may be unfamiliar, but still learn to receive gratitude with dignity.

As for modesty, this is not bad when it is on business and alternates with good arrogance.

Praising yourself to your beloved is a small but very useful practice that is important to apply. Praise yourself for everything you can, for any simple and useful things.

I made lunch - great, I'm great, however, the chicken is burnt - nothing, it will turn out better another time. I washed my panties - great, but I'm just super.

7) If you are always or almost all the time, , pay attention to the past, the opinions of friends and family, wanting support and confirmation of the correctness of your decision, then you are already dependent on your own.

Such dependence on the opinions of others - the presence of self-doubt and self-esteem will not increase you.

And by shifting decisions to others, you discard responsibility for possible consequences. Yes, in case of failure you will have someone to push and "otmazatsya", but in case of success, you will not be able to feel a "winner" inside yourself (that you COULD YOURSELF), which means you will not increase confidence in your abilities!

Just try to make not too important decisions to begin with, most importantly, without looking back at others.

Considered, firmly decided, period. Even if it is the wrong decision. Just try to make sure that the decision does not harm the people around you. There is a fine line here, but this must be done in order to feel in yourself that you, too, can make a decision, and you have your real opinion.

8) The level of aspiration also affects self-esteem. If you put in front of yourself too lofty goalsthat cannot be realized in a relatively short time, long-term unfulfillment can undermine your spirit, frustrate and lower your self-esteem.

Set high goals and go for them, but they should be realistically achievable in the near future..

Plan your goals, divide in parts, after doing one, move on to the next. After achieving your goal and becoming more confident and strong internally, set yourself a more meaningful goal.

9) How to improve self-esteem? Practice in front of a mirror, for both women and men.

True, this exercise is not for everyone. If you feel severe discomfort, and this will continue every time for 3-4 days, leave it, it's just not yours now. A different approach will be needed here.

It all depends on the perception of a person and some points that I will not describe here.

While practicing, refer to yourself as your whole "I", do not focus only on appearance, individual features, any thoughts or internal state... You are all together, one whole, this is how you need to approach it.

Exercise can help well, but it takes time, because here you program yourself, your subconscious, and it's not so easy.

It is important to do the practice without straining, calmly and without fuss, without forcing yourself through clenched teeth, to say: "I love myself and."

You should say this, even if at first not with love and without faith, but with ease for yourself, that is, without tension. It doesn't matter if you don't like something about your appearance.

Repeat these words in front of the mirror for at least two minutes. It is better to do this in the morning, as soon as you get up, and your brain is not fully awake, not loaded with thoughts and is still clean, this will make it easier to accept information.

Smiling slightly, tell yourself: " I love and respect myself both in my successes and failures. I love myself both in illness and health. I accept myself as I am with all the good and bad that I have. I respect and love myself. I am a unique person, and I have my own strengths and talents, and there is no one who is completely similar to me externally and internally. I respect and love myself, regardless of my "flaws". I appreciate and love the way I am".

It is very important here to just calmly say this to yourself, and not to look closely at every little thing that you like or dislike, not to get involved in all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. You just have to say it to yourself and go.

10) Make a list of what you are good at and are good at .

Write everything that is and is true. Describe in detail your positive qualities (they all have), achievements and skills. After writing everything on a piece of paper, read it aloud. Try to read cheerfully and with feeling. If at the end of the reading you feel pleasant emotions, then everything worked out, and you need to strive for this.

At least once a day, you can spend 2-3 minutes on this. Take one of your skills and describe it, then read it. The next day (or every other day), describe something else.

11) Take small steps to what you want. Excessive tension, exhausting is absolutely useless. You feel that now you do not want to do anything at all, you want to rest, rest, gain strength and energy.

How to raise self-esteem. An important point!

Do not wait until your self-esteem is strengthened to make up your mind, act little by little already right now.

The more you do something, the more you decide on steps that are meaningful to you, the faster you will feel confidence, and with this you will begin to get better and more calmly.

Nothing raises self-esteem (confidence) like - cessation of self-criticism and new actions!

Try to do more of what you like. If now you have to go to an unloved job, then clearly define for yourself that you are doing it, because now it is necessary and it benefits you, provides for your family, etc. That is, formulate the value in order to eliminate (weaken) the negative connotation of the situation, otherwise the unloved work will in itself reduce your importance and self-esteem.

I don’t like the job, there is no need for drastic changes, continue to work, but start looking for something that will be more to your taste than you would like to do. A favorite activity (hobby) has a very beneficial effect on inner satisfaction, self-esteem and life in general. Make your life more interesting!

I draw your attention to the fact that in the process of working on oneself, pendulums may appear - this is when everything was good, and then suddenly it became bad. Treat these moments as temporary troubles. Just be calm during these times!

The most difficult thing is to be patient and achieve the first noticeable success, and then it will be easier. As your self-esteem grows, your uniqueness begins to unfold, new perspectives will open up. You will be able to take more risks and be less dependent on others.

Finally: how to raise self-esteem?

You may experience anxiety wherever there are people without realizing why you are so anxious. One of the reasons noted above is judgment. You are afraid of how you are perceived and what others might think of you, this comes from your unstable self-esteem.

Therefore, a small but important advice - do not compare yourself to others and do not judge others... In comparison, you will still lose in something, somewhere, to someone, you are good and unique, so be who you are. Such evaluative thoughts always lead to anxiety and tension.

Do not judge others, because by judging, you consciously and unconsciously evaluate them, which means that you will always feel inside yourself that they are evaluating you.

This manifests itself in the so-called mind-reading phenomenon of the psyche, when you think you know what other people think of you. And what you think about yourself, you kind of "transfer" into their head, and it seems to you that this is what they think about you.

By and large, all people have different thinking, and we cannot know what others think of us, we can only assume. But what does it matter if, for example, you think something bad about someone, he will not care.

The same is true in your case - there is no point in worrying that someone might think something about you, this cannot in any way affect your success, peace of mind and happiness in general, unless you wind up yourself with some then thoughts. Only you with your thinking can bring yourself to emotional stress, stress and bad mood. Remember this.

Having ceased to condemn people, the anxiety formed on assessment and judgment will become weaker and weaker, and there will be less and less such thoughts.