Because of what self-esteem can be lowered. Low self-esteem: a variable that can be changed

Many of us are familiar with the disgusting condition called low self-esteem. I want to do something, achieve, get approval and recognition - but inside everything is compressed, it seems that you are not worthy, it seems that nothing will work out. If it doesn't work out, you begin to scold yourself, punish yourself. And even if they praise it, it seems that it is undeserved. I will try to explain what to do if you find it in yourself and I PROPOSE a specific ALGORITHM OF ACTIONS.

But first, I'll tell you how it works.

Low self-esteem: we fight and win

Self-assessment is not an intellectual process, but a set of conditioned reflexes. This is a bad habit that is difficult to control, even if you understand that it is bad for you. Habitual derogatory thoughts and self-accusations arise automatically along with an automatic fear reaction in almost any contact, when you need to present yourself, for example, or when you compare yourself with others.

And my explanations will have to be put into practice, and rearranging my automatic reactions is a difficult task for any person. Therefore, even if you want to cope on your own, then I very, very, very highly recommend to take courage and go to a psychologist for at least 1-2-5 consultations. With the support of a specialist, independent work will go much better. Choose a specialist who knows how to work in a short-term therapy mode and a consultation mode. The best methods for this are gestalt, cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychodrama, systemic family therapy.
If you are ready to walk for a long time, you can go to any specialist, both a psychoanalyst and an art therapist, client-centered, existential, etc.

Now about independent work... No need to inspire yourself! Don't try to convince yourself that you are better than you are. The more you "instill" something that does not exist, the more the elastic band of self-deception will stretch, and the more then self-esteem will fall again.

I propose a paradoxical way to raise self-esteem, characteristic of gestalt therapy.

1. First, simply SEPARATE YOUR OWN OPINION about yourself from OTHER opinions.
Let's say your mom criticized and scolded you as a child - but you are not a mom. How do you feel about yourself, if the window is not closed, if your shirt gets dirty, if you lose money? You can be an uncomfortable person for someone, but the most important thing is how comfortable you are with yourself. You don't have to meet the expectations of others, even those closest to you.

2. LEGALIZATION of their qualities. Recognize yourself as you are, and (if possible) spit on your imperfections, no matter what you and whoever inspires you.
Let's say you consider yourself a timid person - and that's fine. So be it. Accept this quality, calm down, stop nibbling yourself. Start to respect yourself and your shyness, for example, if someone demands something from you, then you can ask him to be more careful with you, because you are a timid person and are afraid of raids. Once you get used to your shyness and start treating yourself well, in such warm conditions, courage will automatically begin to grow.
If you sometimes get bad grades (criticism), you don't have to squeeze out of yourself an excellent student (ideal employee or spouse). When you stop worrying about grades, life will become easier. Parents (boss, friends) may have a very bad attitude towards something, even a phobia, but you are not obliged to satisfy their phobias at the expense of your comfort.
If you had an unpleasant relationship experience, you can feel sad about it, feel sorry for yourself. Yes, there was such a thing, so what now - to imitate well-being? But if you treat yourself with care, as a person who respects his spiritual wounds, a person who finds it difficult to make friends, it is difficult to manifest - then gradually it will become easier to manifest, it will become easier to establish relationships, make friends.
And so on.

3. BANK OF QUALITY. In the process of legalizing your feelings and properties, do not forget to legalize your advantages. You understand something - also accept yourself as you have what qualities are - try to enjoy them, (for example, kindness, competent written speech, you know how to embroider, or have reached high level) whatever you like about yourself - accept and enjoy.

4. It is very important to learn to SEPARATE FACTS FROM THEIR INTERPRETATIONS. If you received a deuce, or even 8 deuces (lost money, got a refusal, could not explain an important thing, etc.) - to interpret yourself in general as a fool (fool) is a logical mistake. Self-abuse is useless. Or if some relationship has been painful for several years (too generalized description of the period of life, but let it be) - this is not a reason to cheat and consider yourself unhappy, or unsuitable for a relationship.

NOW - HOW IT WORKS
1. You found yourself in a state of humiliation, self-criticism, or low self-esteem. (It happens to everyone)
2. Pause this dramatic automated process. Stop grading.
3. Listen to your feelings - maybe you are scared, or sad, or annoyed - allow yourself these feelings. Sad, so sad, scary, so scary, wicked, so wicked, worried, so worried. Accept that now you are captured by these feelings and allow yourself to feel (controlling actions, nevertheless, you do not need to kill anyone, yourself too)
4. Try to understand how these feelings arose. If you reproduce someone else's attitude and assessment (mom-dad, for example) - look for your own, separate yourself from other opinions.
5. Look at the facts. If there are no real facts - it was a mirage, you can relax. If you screw up - look at the real amount of damage and do not add more guilt than you have.
6. Act with respect for yourself (always) and others (if they deserve it). Other people will take care of themselves, if anything, but if you don't respect yourself, no one will save you. If it is your fault, be sad, sorry, think about how you can make up for the damage, apologize, ask how you can correct the mistake, but do not engage in self-criticism - this is pointless. If there is a real threat - your fear is a healthy reaction, start taking care of and protecting yourself. If you're sad, take care of yourself in your sadness. If you are angry about a case against someone, present your claims and ask them to do otherwise.

Like any algorithm - it may seem cumbersome, but practice it for some time - and these initially strange actions will become automatic, enjoyable and replace old negative reactions of self-evaluation. Self-esteem will increase!

One of the most serious problems that prevents us from living a fulfilling life and achieving success in it in various matters is low self-esteem. This is a really serious problem, because a person with low self-esteem underestimates his capabilities - he does not believe in himself, in his strength, in his success, considering himself unworthy of him, he has very modest ambitions. But the problem of low self-esteem is an unnatural problem for us. We acquire this problem as our life in society develops. If the people around us treat us very well, and we feel next to them, like a fish in water, and have everything we need for life, then we are happy with ourselves. Our own opinion about ourselves is formed from our satisfaction with our life.

10 reasons for low self-esteem

Without other people, it is difficult for us to objectively assess ourselves, because without comparing ourselves with others, we generally can not think badly of ourselves. We should not think badly of ourselves, it is not in our interests, not to mention the fact that we should not compare ourselves with others, since we are all different and, more importantly, unique! So, people, people and once again the people who surround us are the ones who most affect our self-esteem. It is people, by their attitude towards us, by their behavior, by their example, that force us to evaluate ourselves in a certain way. That is, if we lived on a desert island, then our self-esteem would never be underestimated. We would be preoccupied with the issue of survival and would assess ourselves from this position. But we would evaluate ourselves without any emotions, but exclusively from a practical point of view. But in human society, we are more inclined to evaluate ourselves on emotions, rather than from a practical point of view, so our environment is the soil on which we grow and on which our self-esteem ripens.

From the above, we can draw a logical conclusion - if our self-esteem is underestimated, then our environment does not correspond to our interests. That is, we are surrounded by the wrong people who treat us incorrectly, not the way we need them. And you have to do something about it. Otherwise, our life will not be very good, not very pleasant. Think about whether we need low self-esteem, is there any benefit from it? It is clear that no, we do not need it and there is no benefit from it. The worse, the lower we rate ourselves, the less effective we are, less ambitious, less energetic, less happy. It is beneficial for us to think of ourselves well, very well, so that if we look for shortcomings in ourselves, then in a vigorous and energetic state, because only in this state can we correct these shortcomings. But in a depressed and oppressed state, we will not be able to correct our shortcomings and will not do this, we will justify our inaction with them, and refer to them, engaging in self-flagellation. Not to mention the fact that a person with low self-esteem is inclined to take offense at everyone and everything, and this greatly prevents him from building constructive and lasting relationships with other people.

Which way do you prefer? I prefer the latter. Therefore, we will talk about him in this article. I do not like all these psychological pumping, pumping, pumping, although I use them in my work with people in moderate doses, because it is not as practical and not as effective as understanding. What is the use of inflating a person like a balloon, pumping his psyche, if this balloon can go down, either with the help of other beliefs and suggestions, or with the help of appropriate circumstances? In a word, it is not very effective, and for a person who has decided to raise his self-esteem seriously and for a long time, the option of pumping his psyche is not an option. But a complete understanding of yourself and your capabilities, and their skillful use - this is a really serious approach to business. Understanding the essence of the issue under consideration, you can generally assess yourself as it is beneficial for you to assess yourself, regardless of the objective circumstances.

Do you think our self-esteem should reflect our real capabilities and life experience? Nothing like this. You can be a complete failure, making a lot of mistakes in your life, and still have a very high opinion of yourself. And contrary to the beliefs and assertions of many people, including all kinds of specialists, your inflated opinion of yourself will be much more useful for you, the so-called objective self-esteem. Why? Yes, because for you it is much more important not who you were in the past and even who you are in the present, although this is certainly necessary to take into account, but who you want to become. Do you want to be a failure, do you want to be weak, do you want to constantly make mistakes in your life? I’m sure not. But if your self-esteem is low, then you consider yourself worse than others in some way, you are convinced that something is beyond your strength, in some way you are weak, and much of what you are doing is doing wrong. In general, you know better what you don't like about yourself. Okay, perhaps objectively, this is so, and you need to be aware of your shortcomings and weaknesses in order to be able to work on them and correct them. But this is where the trap of the so-called objective self-esteem lies. It does not allow a person to start working on himself - he lacks self-confidence for this work, lacks energy, lacks faith in the best, and ultimately the desire to start changing something in himself. Even a "light cosmetic repair" of his psyche, a person may not be able to do - considering himself an incorrigible loser. How many people do you know who, having low self-esteem - with enthusiasm, overflowing with energy, worked to increase it? That's just it. Therefore, many people do not need the truth about themselves, because it does not bring them anything but frustration, depression, emptiness, despondency, sadness and similar negative emotions. And how can you work on yourself, how can you strive for more and better when you lose heart? There are, of course, very strong peoplewho can face the truth and use this truth as a powerful incentive to work on themselves. But such people, as you yourself understand, are few, very few.

When we are struggling with low self-esteem, we are primarily struggling with a person's lack of faith in himself. We, or some kind of truth, need, we need a beautiful fairy tale about the future - about our bright future, so to speak, to which any self-respecting person should want to strive. And he must understand that this fairy tale is actually a fairy tale, but it can come true if you believe in it and start working on its realization. We must all understand this. At such moments, a person realizes that he is the architect of his life, the architect of his destiny, the architect of his happiness. It doesn't matter who he was, and who he is now, what matters is who he can become. Do you understand? A person needs energy, energy, in order to increase his self-esteem, and then to make himself better in order to objectively correspond to a high opinion about himself. We first invent ourselves, so to speak, design, and only then we make ourselves, and not vice versa. On the contrary, it is not effective. Give a man a lot of money - he will pout and pretend to be out of himself. Take this money away from him and he will be blown away again and again become an insecure loser. Why do we, why do you need such dependence on circumstances?

Therefore, when they say that a person's self-esteem must correspond to his real position in society and his real capabilities - do not take these words seriously. Today, suppose you are a failure, and tomorrow, having taken certain actions, you can succeed in something, in some business that is important to you, and then one truth will be replaced by another truth. It is important to take these very actions, and in order to take them, you need to be such an opinion about yourself as if you have already achieved the success you need. Try to realize these words of mine, tested by the experience of many people, in full measure, and then you will think of yourself the way you need to think about yourself, and not how circumstances and other people force you to think about yourself. And your self-esteem will be determined by you, depending on your interests and your desires, and nothing else.

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How to raise your self-esteem. How to deal with low self-esteem.

Each person has an emotional assessment of himself. It is formed in early childhood as a result of the upbringing and communication of the child with the outside world. If the child was devalued and deprived of attention or, conversely, praised without measure, then his self-esteem is unlikely to be adequate. There are also cases when an unexpected event deprives a person of the ground underfoot and self-confidence, if not forever, then for many years.

The level of self-esteem of a person is always associated with her claims and her capabilities and gives an idea of \u200b\u200bwhether the individual feels harmoniously in this world. The perception of oneself can either coincide with who a person is in reality, or have large differences.

How to deal with low self-esteem in men?

The latter is the problem of self-esteem.

Low self-esteem does not allow a person to claim what he really deserves, makes him agree to less, makes him a fatalist and forces him to give up.

A person with low self-esteem is inclined to consider his achievements as accidental, praise from others as undeserved, and hopes for his own success as unrealizable. He feels superfluous, incompetent and unloved in society, because he is devoid of self-compassion and is busy assessing himself all the time and collecting good grades. He is characterized by high suspiciousness: he immediately takes any laugh behind his back at his own expense.

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If self-esteem is overestimated, a person is inclined to tackle issues that are not within his competence, to show authoritarianism, egocentrism, intolerance to other people's opinions, to respond inadequately to criticism, to consider himself the center of the Universe, etc. Failure to adequately assess your potential can lead to disastrous results: lack of recognition and, as a result, depression. Narcissism is one of the extreme manifestations of inadequate self-esteem.

Both underestimation and overestimation of self-esteem can lead to it.

It is difficult to say for whom encounters with reality are more painful. And they cannot be painless, because fear is hidden behind inadequate self-esteem - either overestimated or underestimated. Fear that a person will be seen as he is - and will not be accepted. And as a consequence of fear - the desire to build a barrier between yourself and the world. In this case, both positions - "I am the worst" and "I am the best" - do not differ.

Can self-esteem be balanced? There are two ways.

The first is professional development or success in any hobbies. Real successes, in contrast to the mechanical repetition of affirmations, do not cause the feeling of a gap between the real and the ideal self. Achievements will inspire and motivate an insecure person to further development, too self-confident - they will force them to switch their efforts to honing their skills, and, as you know, there is no limit to perfection. But this decision is not always relevant in case of differentiated self-esteem, when, for example, a person is confident in himself from a professional point of view, but at the same time experiences difficulties in communicating with the opposite sex.

The second and more effective one is the consultation of a professional psychotherapist. The specialist will help revise the system of criteria, get rid of the fear of rejection, form new attitudes and learn to perceive yourself as you are.

I am a professional psychologist with experience in solving problems related to self-esteem. You should not waste time trying to instill in yourself false attitudes, getting rid of the old ones, it is better to contact a specialist. Sign up for an individual consultation with me. I conduct consultations in a private office in the center of Moscow and online using Skype.

The problem with self-esteem can rarely be solved on your own, it will take years. In order not to waste them on a painful struggle with yourself - just see a psychologist.

I am ready to help you. I conduct consultations in an office in the center of Moscow, as well as, at your request, via Skype. The conversation will remain between us and the information will under no circumstances be passed on to third parties.

Prices of psychologist Anton Zykov

In person - one consultation (duration of admission 50 minutes)

3000 rubles

In-person - work with couples (duration of admission 90 minutes)

4000 rubles

Skype - one consultation (duration of admission 50 minutes)

2500 rubles

Skype - couples consultation (duration of admission 90 minutes)

3500 rubles

Psychology of Personality. Self-concept

The most significant character trait of every successful person in network marketing is, first of all, a deep conviction in his probably own significance (source unknown) and values. When considering the concept of self-esteem, you need to know definitely the basic principles (source not specified), contributing to its strengthening.

Principle 1. Self-esteem, high or low, motivates your overall behavior, both positive and negative. In fact, there is nothing more important than self-esteem in determining your prospects.

How to deal with the difficulties of low self-esteem

Try to please yourself a little, because you will have to spend the rest of your life with yourself.

Principle 2. The level of self-esteem depends on how consciousness can be its own values (source not specified) and self-confidence. Self-worth is just the joy that you are you, that you have your body, your soul, your mind, etc. Self-confidence is an unshakable belief in your ability to be responsible for what happens to you in this unpredictable world.

Principle 3. No opinion or judgment should be as important to your growth and development as your own response to your conscience. The most important negotiations, presentations, speeches that will be in your life are your speeches to yourself.

Principle 4. Remember: no look in the world can assess your appearance as critically as your own. Try to appreciate all the advantages of your appearance, try to please yourself. If you still can't do it, then you should practice it.

Principle 5. You can be your best for sure friend (exactly it was!) or your worst enemy! Understand once and for all that only you hold the keys to your own happiness!

Self-affirmation is a useful thing!

Below are 10 self-esteem statements that you can use in both everyday lifeand in business. They will help you build faith in yourself and learn to trust yourself.

1. I am the master of my thoughts, emotions and actions, and I direct them to the good cause of strengthening my own health (see source), my relationships with people, my work, and improving my life.

2. I am a good and decent person.

3. I am able to fully fulfill the goals and objectives that I have set for myself today.

4. I trust my abilities and my judgments in life tests designed to confirm my worth, so I am fully aware of the consequences of my decisions.

5. I am responsible for my decisively life values .

6. I learn from my problems and mistakes, because probably thanks to to them I can discover more for sure wide capabilities decisively achieving success (that's exactly what it was!) and growth.]

7. My soul, mind and body are one powerful whole, leading me to success.

8. I am mine best friend and a coach. When I talk to myself, I encourage and support myself.

9. Every day most likely enriches me with new ones knowledge , I become more and more curious and learnable, caring, flexible, responsible and successful.

10. Regardless of the events in my life, I decided to be happy.

Source

An inferiority complex is the obstacle that prevents you from getting what you deserve from life, let alone getting everything out of life. In fact, the feeling of being inferior, not as it should be, worthless, sometimes occurs in everyone. But if you have this feeling in all metabolic processes in the body, in the bloodstream and in thinking, then this is a disaster.

You will definitely not get a salary increase, the girl of your dreams will definitely not declare her love, and most certainly you will get the most bumps about your boss when the whole work team is screwed up. Checked. So, we are fighting.

Do you have it

We will not delve into where your low self-esteem and inferiority complex came from: all cases are individual and at the same time similar. In childhood and adolescence, when the psyche is weak and the herd instinct is strong, it is possible to sow the seeds of complexes even in the most beautiful, kind and intelligent child. For this there are parents, other children, teachers, the school curriculum ... We can say that you have complexes if:

You have constant experiences associated with the inability to realize yourself in life;
You consistently feel like an insignificant person, or even worthless;
You do not value your appearance and body, therefore you constantly find flaws in it: the size of the penis or breast, thin hair, squeaky voice, etc.;
Men with complexes are characterized by demonstratively cheeky and rude behavior, aggression and excessive assertiveness, or an attempt to assert themselves at the expense of a weak young man or a fragile woman;
But girls go for plastic surgery, go in for sports and diets too intensively, endlessly experiment with hairstyles, clothes and makeup;
People with complexes are often angry, do not accept anything that does not fit into their ideas about the world, envy and insult the object of envy;
Often, complexes help to achieve something in work and not only, but such people are often unbearable and egocentric.

How to work with it

Before you get rid of an inferiority complex, there are two important things to learn.

Human being (morning mantra). How to deal with low self-esteem

There are no standards. The standards regarding what one should be, how one should live and what appearance one should have, were invented by people. And most likely, these are people with complexes.

There are no concepts of good and bad either. Read the work of Mayakovsky "What is good and what is bad" and you will understand it. All these concepts are a real warehouse of contradictions. Roughly speaking, if you are robbed by a gypsy woman, this is neither good nor bad. It all depends on how you name it. And what good is there? Well, maybe you will drink less, and you will lose weight. Saving on transport and a diet on cereals will contribute to this. If your boss calls you self-centered or talentless, that's neither good nor bad. Perhaps he himself is like that, so he projects on you. By the way, in this case it is not necessary to take it as the truth. Otherwise, they will start riding and manipulating you. If a person has low self-esteem, it is very easy. Now practice.

Know yourself. For this there are trainings, psychological festivals and much more. Here you will not only be helped to understand yourself, but will also be allowed to open up. And also - to look at yourself through the eyes of other people. Not those you are used to coma at school, work or home, but completely different. Perhaps they will be able to see how beautiful you are with an untreated eye;
Concentrate on your best features... Write them down in a notebook and list them to yourself when they tell you how bad you are or manipulate, putting pressure on your low self-esteem. The list can and should be permanently supplemented. The same goes for all your achievements. You can make a list and remember everything. Feel free to post them on your page in social network and let others be jealous. You yourself will be surprised at how much you have achieved. You also need to notice when you are being praised (and for what). Well, it is correct to respond to praise with compliments;
Get used to thinking about yourself only in a positive way. As soon as a negative thought creeps in, change it with all the forces of your soul to a positive one (from a notebook) or neutral;
Learn to talk about what you dislike, dislike, or disagree with... You deserve your opinion and live by your own rules!
Change and change... Change your lifestyle, open up to new experiences. Try new positions and new jobif you are offered. Accept the courting of a prince (handsome and wealthy), or respond to courtesies from the queen. Do not be afraid to change yourself and surprise everyone around you. Change your image, start an affair with someone who is many years younger than you, fight for a prestigious position. Firstly, you will be considered a courageous person, and secondly, after the first success, self-esteem will definitely increase. And you will already be a different person;
See a psychotherapist. No, he shouldn't lead you all your life or pet your fur. But he will give you food for thought, sensible exercises and new ways to solve the problem. Mutual understanding with such a person works wonders;
Stop communicating with someone who underestimates your self-esteem... It is difficult if these are your relatives, but how to fight them back is written above (notebook for help). But with a friend who is jealous and says that you have thin hair or crooked legs, you can contact less. And over time, people will appear who appreciate you;
Remember that there are no perfect people, so it's ridiculous to compare yourself to others. So, a neighbor's boy, who was given to the author as an example, became a drug addict in adulthood and flew off the roof of a nine-story building in a neighboring yard ... You have matured and it's time to look at things without child or adolescent maximalism. You may not have been appreciated or loved as a child, but that doesn't mean you are bad. These are their problems: parents, courtyard friends, teachers and classmates. And now is the time to accept yourself as you are and to perceive criticism not as an insult, but as criticism or subjective opinion;
Remember that you are beautiful by definition and that will never change. You are beautiful period.

You don't completely trust your own opinion.
You are afraid of difficulties because you think you cannot overcome them.
You are much more strict with yourself than with others.
You often feel anxious and think too much about the little things.
However much you work, you think you are not doing enough.

Where does low self-esteem come from?

Psychologists believe that the reasons people suffer from low self-esteem are rooted in childhood.

Lack of attention or parental abuse.
Inflated expectations of parents and, as a result, a feeling that the child is "not good enough."
Constant bullying from other children.
Being in a hostile environment. For example, among people who are negatively opposed to the child in advance because of his belonging to another social group, nationality or religion.

How low self-esteem can affect us

Relationship problems

People with low self-esteem may confuse the usual interest on the part of another person with care and love if they suffered from a lack of attention as a child.

Also, low self-esteem can turn a person into a victim in a relationship with an abusive partner. He will think that he is not good enough for a partner, and because of this, he will endure all his antics, including beatings.

Problems at work

Low self-esteem causes people to remain silent during presentations and conversations with superiors. Because of this, they may not fully reveal themselves and show their skills. The company's management is not always able to understand that the employee is simply shy, and may consider such an employee simply not gifted enough.

Depression

In the long term, low self-esteem can lead to depression. According to scientists, it is one of the key factors in the development of this disease.

What to do about it

To get rid of low self-esteem will not help simple advice in the spirit of "feel more confident" and "believe in yourself."

First, you need to realize that there is a problem and every time you think that you are worse than others, pay attention to it and convince yourself.

Secondly, you need to find a way of self-realization, what you really do and at the same time brings you joy. Together with the support of loved ones, this will help at least slightly increase self-esteem.

However, it is best to contact a qualified person and work with them to solve the problem.

People rarely know how to adequately assess themselves and do not understand how to deal with low self-esteem and how to determine how much self-assessment is correct. What is self-esteem? This is a rather difficult question, and there is no definite answer. It is a set of factors, each of which contributes to what we call self-esteem and self-esteem.

How to determine low self-esteem in women, what are the signs and reasons for this state of affairs?

It so happened that many women in our country receive a patriarchal upbringing. The main man in the house is always a man, and a woman takes a dependent position.

A little girl from childhood gets used to the fact that dad, uncle, brothers, they are always right, and she is obliged to obey them. This leaves its mark on the future of this girl. She will always feel guilty and dependent, no matter what she does.

As a rule, during adulthood such women try to be invisible. They dress modestly, hide their eyes and do not know how to behave with men.

In rare cases, they manage to make a career, but in their personal lives they will still feel inferior.

Women with low self-esteem do not know how to accept gifts or compliments. It seems to them that they are not worthy of this, and they prefer to escape from increased attention.

If a relationship with a man does begin, everything will go in a circle. A woman will adjust to the influence of her partner and please him in everything. She will be afraid that if she shows her true character, she will be herself, the partner will not like it, and she will play her role to the end. After all, in her opinion, love is sacrifice and suffering.

The reason for a sharp drop in self-esteem can be parting with a loved one. Often, abandoned women blame themselves for not holding back, noticing, and failing to cope. As a rule, in such cases, low self-esteem coexists with depression, which aggravates the condition.

Every woman needs to know how to deal with low self-esteem. This is beneficial for all women without exception.

1. For women, their appearance is very important. Yes, not only men love with their eyes. If a woman doesn't like own reflection in the mirror, what kind of self-esteem can we talk about? Get yourself in order. Go to a beauty salon and don't leave until you finally look at yourself in the mirror with admiration.

2. Nice underwear. This is what raises self-esteem in an instant. It may be expensive, but your own happiness is more expensive.

3. If the problem with the selection of underwear is due to a slightly "floating" figure, it does not matter. Put your laundry aside and sign up for the fitness room. Everyone needs a slender and fit figure. This is a reason to praise yourself and turn around in front of the mirror once again.

4. Get new knowledge. Do you have a driving license? How much foreign languages you know? It doesn't really matter what you learn, yoga or belly dancing, the main thing is that you like it.

5. Smile. Even if it is sad, especially if it is sad. Stand in front of the mirror and smile. Even if you don't feel like it, stretch your lips into a smile, and stick your tongue out to yourself, or curl. Seeing herself laughing is helpful. This will cheer you up and give you strength to fight your self-esteem further.

6. Write a list of your strengths. Moreover, step by step, with explanations. For example: "I can draw eyebrows in such a way that Kim Kardashian would cry with envy if she saw it." These are small achievements and dignity, but you have them.

7. If your environment criticizes you endlessly, do you need such an environment? Will people who respect a person hurt him with their nagging? Reduce communication with these critics to the bare minimum.

8. Don't compare yourself to someone else. Compare your past achievements with your present ones. After all, you have learned something in this life, advanced in your success, and this is a reason to be proud of yourself.

9. Help someone who needs help right now. Bring the bag to your grandmother, feed the kitten, and their “thanks” and grateful look will make you feel needed.

How to improve women's self-esteem?

Low self-esteem in men

Signs of low self-esteem in men can manifest themselves in different ways. Sometimes a man withdraws into himself, suffers from depression, which can lead to alcoholism, aggression or social isolation.

As with women, men have attitudes. A man should be strong, courageous, successful, and popular with women. If there is a failure in even one of these "shoulds", everything else can fall down. One misstep in bed destroys career, courage and lowers self-esteem to zero.

Some men try to hide their low self-esteem by excessively caring for their appearance... They look great, but at the same time they listen very carefully, is there anyone laughing behind him? This poisons their lives and spoils relationships with others.

To raise a man's self-esteem, you need to try. As a rule, men are very stubborn and rarely admit that they have problems with self-esteem, unless it crushes them completely.

The first step for a man should be to admit that he has low self-esteem. This is already a step towards raising it. It is good if there is an understanding woman next to such a man to support him and praise him for his successes. If there is no such woman nearby, you will have to cope on your own.

1. Ideal men do not exist, and you should not compare yourself with someone. Nature has endowed everyone with different talents and abilities. If you don't know how to do somersaults like Jackie Chan, then maybe you are genius in telling jokes?

2. When women meet, they look at a man's face for only 10 seconds. If you are not a written handsome man, you should not worry about this, for most women, male beauty and the correctness of facial features are secondary. If you want to please a woman, go to the gym. In this case, the woman will admire your toned figure and forget about the imperfect face.

3. Whatever one may say, a man must be intellectually developed. Read more, develop and become a pro in your field. In fact, you will be forgiven for not knowing the name of the longest river in the world if you are good at fixing computers, translating essays wonderfully, or finding the information you need in no time.

4. Don't berate yourself for failure. You might fail once or twice, but that's not a reason not to try again. Most people like to watch "movie after movie", and only there you can see how many takes the actors have to do to make everything look beautiful. But they are professionals and talents, but they also have to make dozens or even hundreds of attempts.

5. Many men want everything at once. They set themselves deliberately impossible goals, and, not reaching them, fall into despondency. This is a huge mistake. Yes, it's nice to outline the main goal, but you should outline how to achieve this goal step by step. You may have to make adjustments to the plans or go the other way. Sometimes stubbornness does not allow even to admit to myself that somewhere in this plan a mistake has crept in. Find this error and admit that you have failed to work here, re-read paragraph number 4 and again into battle.

6. Oddly enough, but men are very dependent on the opinions of others. If the company is mentally wound up strong man, he will certainly choose the weaker one and will raise his own self-esteem at his expense. In such a team, it is difficult to throw off the burden of an eternal loser and a "whipping boy". There are two options: either respond to the insults or leave. But you can't run forever. You need to tune yourself, collect all the courage into a fist and put the boor in place. This is only scary for the first time, but if you constantly swallow insults, there can be no question of any self-esteem in general.

7. You should mentally prepare yourself for self-defense. Practice in front of the mirror, how you stand, how you look. Do you respect your posture and gaze? Self-confidence has to come through in everything, in gestures, in conversation, and this can be achieved with training. Make it a rule to talk to your reflection for at least 10 minutes every day. You can imagine that you are talking to your boss or someone you dislike. Tell him what you think of him. At first glance, this is a stupid idea, but it only seems. You must see yourself the way others see you. Over time, you will learn to be more confident.

8. Watch your appearance. No one loves or respects a slob. Your clothes may not be from an expensive boutique, but they should be neat. See a stylist, not just a hairdresser. And don't argue, men need stylists no less than women. Even a trivial hairstyle change can drastically change your life.

9. Begin to respect yourself. People who allow them to wipe their feet on themselves can cause nothing but pity. Moreover, by their behavior, they themselves provoke other people to aggression, and only the man himself can break this circle.

Low self-esteem in men. Discussion on the channel "Stillavin and his friends"

Low self-esteem in a child, how to deal with it

Low self-esteem in adults is a consequence of childhood problems. A person is not born with high or low self-esteem, and all of this is formed in childhood. Parents can raise a loser without even knowing the trauma they are inflicting on their child.

The child should not deserve the love of the parents. He should always know that his parents love him, whatever he may be.

As a rule, low self-esteem in children applies to everything. He does not want to solve the problem, to get on the bike not out of laziness, but out of fear of not coping.

These children have no friends. They often cry, are capricious and consider themselves ugly.

If parents notice signs of low self-esteem in a child, this is a reason to sound the alarm. The sooner you start correcting the situation, the more chances your child gets for a normal life.

How to get rid of low self-esteem in a child, you should listen to the advice of a psychologist. After all, children's psychology is somewhat different from adults, and they have their own understanding of the world.

1. The child should know that his parents always love him. Even when he tore new pants or got a deuce. After all, this is a trifle that is not worth the mental health of the baby. This is just a child, and he is just learning to know the world. And in order to know him, he must fill more than one bump and tear more than one pair of pants.

2. Even if the child is guilty, in no case should you say "You are bad." Replace this phrase with a more specific one: "You did wrong." That is, you need to criticize the offense, but not the child himself. After all, children do not deliberately break their mother's favorite cup and hit the glass with a ball. Children and adults also sometimes have problems with coordination of movements.

3. Talk to your child. Adults are often busy and “leave me alone” is the only thing children hear. But they have a million questions, and on the basis of the answers they form their own idea of \u200b\u200blife. The eternal “don't bother” makes the child feel superfluous and unnecessary to his own parents.

4. You shouldn't compare your child with someone more successful. For some, mathematics is easier, while for others history. You can't be talented in everything. Of course, this is not a reason not to learn difficult subjects, but you should not focus on what the child cannot be successful in by nature. Criticism should be productive and not demeaning to your child. Remember, when you were in school, did you manage everything at once?

5. Make it clear to your child that he is a person, that he is unique, and he does not need to try to be like someone else. After all, children choose their idols not because of their appearance or success, but because they want the same love of others.

6. Give your child the opportunity to develop. Often there are traditions in families, and if there are all doctors in the family, the child is certainly pushed into medicine. If a child wants to make a sports or music career, they immediately admit at the family council that he is "a dumbass and a disgrace to his name." The child is broken for the sake of their ambitions.

7. In adolescence, low self-esteem is especially severe. Children join informal youth groups and demonstrate their independence with all their appearance. In fact, this is a cry for help from a child. He cannot be himself and is looking for his own kind, but even there he feels superfluous. A child's internal conflict can lead to adolescent drug addiction or alcoholism. To avoid this, you need to look closely at the environment of your child. While the child is looking for where to go, it is the parents who can offer him a safe and rewarding hobby.

8. Parents should understand that they cannot protect a child from outside world... All children are teased at school, and the only difference is how these children react to being teased. Teach your child the correct reaction to such pranks. Share how you were teased as a child, how you teased your classmates, and come up with a couple of funny stories. While the child is small, he needs patterns of correct behavior, and only parents can provide them.

9. Remember that children with low self-esteem cannot grow up to be happy and successful man... If everybody kicks a child in the class, the same will happen in the university, and then at work. Self-esteem is formed from childhood. Respect the opinion and personal space of your child, and then he will also demand respect for his space and strangers.

How to determine a child's self-esteem

Healthy egoism is not a vice, but the necessary qualities of every person with normal self-esteem and self-esteem.

One of the most serious problems that prevents us from living a fulfilling life and achieving success in it in various activities is low self-esteem. This is a really serious problem, because a person with low self-esteem underestimates his capabilities - he does not believe in himself, in his strength, in his success, considering himself unworthy of him, he has very modest ambitions. But the problem of low self-esteem is an unnatural problem for us. We acquire this problem as our life in society develops. If the people around us treat us very well, and we feel close to them, like a fish in water, and have everything we need for life, then we are happy with ourselves. Our own opinion of ourselves is formed from our satisfaction with our life.

Thus, our self-esteem directly depends on what kind of people surround us, how they relate to us, what opinion they impose on us and everything that surrounds us, and, of course, on our attitude to all this. Without other people, it is difficult for us to objectively evaluate ourselves, because without comparing ourselves with others, we generally can not think badly of ourselves. We should not think badly of ourselves, it is not in our interests, not to mention the fact that we should not compare ourselves with others, since we are all different and, more importantly, unique! So, people, people and once again the people who surround us are the ones who most affect our self-esteem. It is people, by their attitude towards us, by their behavior, by their example, that force us to evaluate ourselves in a certain way. That is, if we lived on a desert island, then our self-esteem would never be underestimated. We would be preoccupied with the issue of survival and would assess ourselves from this position. But we would evaluate ourselves without any emotions, but exclusively from a practical point of view. But in human society, we are more inclined to evaluate ourselves on emotions, rather than from a practical point of view, so our environment is the soil on which we grow and on which our self-esteem ripens.

And what should we, or rather those of you who have low self-esteem, do with it? You will probably agree with me if I tell you that self-esteem needs to be improved if it is underestimated. And even if it is not underestimated, it still needs to be increased, because the higher it is, the better. How can this be done? Well, this can be done in two ways - you can pump yourself up accordingly, influencing your emotional sphere, or you can, with the help of awareness, dismiss all bad thoughts about yourself from yourself and begin to evaluate yourself practically, without any emotions. Which way do you prefer? I prefer the latter. Therefore, we will talk about him in this article. I don't like all these psychological pumping, pumping, pumping, although I use them in my work with people in moderate doses, because it is not as practical and not as effective as understanding. What is the use of inflating a person like a balloon, pumping his psyche, if this balloon can descend, either with the help of other beliefs and suggestions, or with the help of appropriate circumstances? In a word, it is not very effective, and for a person who has decided to raise his self-esteem seriously and for a long time, the option of pumping his psyche is not an option. But a complete understanding of yourself and your capabilities, and their skillful use - this is a really serious approach to business. Understanding the essence of the issue under consideration, you can generally assess yourself as it is beneficial for you to assess yourself, regardless of the objective circumstances.

Do you think our self-esteem should reflect our real capabilities and life experience? Nothing like this. You can be a complete failure, making a lot of mistakes in your life, and still have a very high opinion of yourself. And contrary to the beliefs and assertions of many people, including all kinds of specialists, your inflated opinion of yourself will be much more useful for you, the so-called objective self-esteem. Why? Yes, because for you it is much more important not who you were in the past and even who you are in the present, although this is certainly necessary to take into account, but who you want to become. Do you want to be a failure, do you want to be weak, do you want to constantly make mistakes in your life? I’m sure not. But if your self-esteem is low, then you consider yourself worse than others in some way, you are convinced that something is beyond your strength, in some way you are weak, and much of what you are doing is doing wrong. In general, you know better what you don't like about yourself. Okay, perhaps objectively, this is so, and you need to know about your shortcomings and weaknesses in order to be able to work on them and correct them. But this is where the trap of the so-called objective self-esteem lies. It does not allow a person to start working on himself - he lacks self-confidence for this work, lacks energy, lacks faith in the best, and ultimately the desire to start changing something in himself. Even a "light cosmetic repair" of his psyche, a person may not be able to do - considering himself an incorrigible loser. How many people do you know who, having low self-esteem - with enthusiasm, overflowing with energy, worked to increase it? That's just it. Therefore, many people do not need the truth about themselves, because it does not bring them anything but frustration, depression, emptiness, despondency, sadness and similar negative emotions. And how can you work on yourself, how can you strive for more and better when you lose heart? There are, of course, very strong people who can face the truth and use this truth as a powerful incentive to work on themselves. But such people, as you yourself understand, are few, very few.

Low self-esteem is very common. A variety of guides on how to deal with low self-esteem are just as common.

Guides and various trainings are a dime a dozen, but people with an inadequate assessment of themselves loved (in this case, unloved) around for some reason are not diminishing. Let's analyze what advice is usually given in this case and try to check whether they are effective or not. And of course, as usual, let's look at the problem differently, having come to effective advice.

So, what is the usual advice for people who want to get rid of low self-esteem? Popular psychology offers the following beautiful recipes:

do not compare yourself with others, learn to accept yourself for who you are
never scold or criticize yourself
do not listen to other people's negative opinions
ask family and friends to say what is good about you
find good traits in yourself on your own - write 20 of your positive qualities
start keeping (success diary)
, by all means tune in to
communicate only with confident successful people
ACT !!! (this very, haha, specific advice is usually credited at the end), don't be afraid to live!

We will not discuss these rules for a long time. I will only note that all of them are aimed at direct work with consciousness and subconsciousness. All of them have, in general, one single purpose: to hammer into a person's head that he is just a miracle and that low self-esteem has no right to exist. I have already conducted a more detailed analysis of such tips:. Here I will only note that games with the subconscious do not lead to good: here you need the intervention of an excellent specialist (try, find him), otherwise you can break such firewood that even ten professors who ate a dog in applied psychology will not rake them. And "firewood" can be, for example, even greater lowering of self-esteem. Yes, and do not forget that following all the listed tips (and usually they are given even more) will eat up a very big amount of your energy and time.

Have you ever thought that in modern popular psychology (and in society as a whole) self-esteem as such is given too much importance? Why on earth is this purely psychological, scientific concept dragged into the world and flashed on the pages of glossy magazines and blogs "great success"? (well, even I am no exception ...)

In my opinion, when a person is labeled “low self-esteem” and they begin to teach how to increase it, this does not lead to good. The label additionally limits a person and generates new complexes in him. He begins to largely blame his self-esteem, begins to look for the consequences of his "wrong" in all matters. And he finds them, of course!

Therefore, I will not offer advice on how to increase low self-esteem for now. I suggest doing a little experiment: do without self-esteem at all... Wait to throw rotten tomatoes, look at the facts soberly.

How we evaluate ourselves affects different areas of our life: on affairs (work, business), on communication with people, on relationships with a partner, on our mood and in general satisfaction with life.

But what if you adjust your life so that the level of self-esteem affects it to a minimum? (Of course, it will not be possible to completely exclude its influence, because it is part of our personality. But they put a fixing bandage or splint on the sore spot of the body until it heals? And it works! Here is the same principle).

How to do it? More or less like this:

In business... Problem: Low self-esteem makes it difficult to undertake ambitious projects and new beginnings. Exit: thorough sober of all matters, without attracting emotions and subjective assessments. How to reason in this case (example), see the article.

In dealing with people... Problem: lack of confidence in communication, inability to correctly navigate in an unfamiliar situation, lack of knowledge of how to behave with strangers and new people, with overly self-confident people, etc. Way out: again, call your mind for help! Make a dozen or two personal communication rules. How to behave in such a situation, how to behave in such a situation. Think over different occasions (at work, in public transport, in a shop, a taxi ...). Having patterns of decent behavior in place and following them will help you communicate much more effectively. It is clear, you cannot foresee everything (and it is unnecessary: \u200b\u200bexcessive enthusiasm for this advice, like any other, is harmful)

With regard to mood... Problem: Negative self-attitude spoils the mood and kills the joy of life. Way out: killing something kills, but only if you sit, sorry, on your ass straight and lull your self-esteem. Do you need it? Go in search of entertainment, immerse yourself in work more closely, start a new hobby ... Live, and do not think (in the sense - not constructively) about life. Mood is the result of actions and behavior.

In a relationship with a partner... Everything here is purely individual, it is simply stupid to give any recommendations. But you can give them to yourself, can't you? There would be a desire ...

Let's summarize.
I am not urging everyone with self-esteem problems to immediately start living without it at all, as described in the second part of the article. Moreover, there are ways to raise it more or less effectively, and I will talk about them later. However, the described method may suit someone (having learned to do without the notorious self-esteem, you gradually increase it). The main goal of the article is to show that the light did not converge on self-esteem.Problems with her are not a reason to get discouraged and stick silly labels on yourself. And you can live, enjoy life and achieve success with any self-esteem.

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