Today, schoolchildren have a growing number of problems at school. Some of them are restless, aggressive or in constant fear, while others are debilitated by headaches, abdominal pain, and insomnia. Many schoolchildren have difficulty concentrating and learning. This is because children are not prepared for the ever-growing demands of the school and are unable to meet the expectations of their parents. For many children, psychosomatic illnesses are caused by problems at school. Due to academic failure, they fall into despair, they become depressed.

Various problems in school

Learning disabilities and their consequences can be very varied. There are several characteristic types of learning disabilities.

Inability to concentrate

It is known that the concentration of a person's attention in one case can be higher, in another lower. Such fluctuations are completely natural, for example, if a child has unstable attention and is often distracted, then it is extremely difficult for him to concentrate. Impaired concentration can be associated with too much information flow or too many stimuli at the same time; fatigue and emotional state of the child also affect.

In addition, most children with concentration difficulties are very mobile, impulsive, which indicates certain organic disorders. Such children need the help of psychologists, teachers and parents.

Poor school performance

If a child has difficulties in writing, reading, learning of the material has worsened, then to reduce the child's lag and increase his abilities, special exercises are used to positively influence the learning process and at the same time encourage the child to avoid feelings of inferiority.

Fear of school

Fear of school is a severe form of stress. A student gripped by such fear looks for reasons not to go to school, he may also have somatic reactions, for example, vomiting in the morning.

Could study be the cause of psychological illness?

New programs are created and improved annually. Students in secondary schools and gymnasiums are particularly stressed. Every year, as exams approach, the public is intimidated by newspaper articles about attempted suicide or suicide by students. However, it cannot be argued that schooling was the cause of the child's illness. Since it is not the study itself that is to blame, but the overestimated demands made on the student by society and parents.

What to do if there are problems at school?

For many children and young people with learning difficulties, parental understanding is essential. Parents should not only demand good grades, it is necessary to help the child overcome difficulties in school. Under constant pressure from parents, the student feels emotional stress, which often causes problems in the educational process.

It is better not to use sedative medications.

Even if a child has serious problems at school, in no case should he be given medications: stimulating or sedative. Pupils and their parents often believe that such drugs will improve memory, improve learning ability, and help in assimilating information. However, you need to know that the use of drugs will not eliminate difficulties, but will only temporarily postpone them. A child taking the pill may later become addicted to medication and face serious problems. In such cases, it is recommended to visit a psychotherapist who will teach autogenic training or other methods of concentration. If difficulties in school education arising from problems and disagreements in the family, then family therapy can help. Often a child needs a good educational psychologist or special classes.

Low-performing students, who are constantly punished by their parents for poor grades, begin to feel emotional stress. Parents should explain to their children that their love for them does not depend on their grades.

School psychologist

Students can discuss problems with a school counselor or take part in group activities. Parents, noticing that their child is having difficulties at school, can visit the school psychologist with him or contact the psychological help service. Unfortunately, the reduction of budgetary spending on education does not always imply the presence of a psychologist at school, as the state saves on the psychological health of schoolchildren.

Alesya Sergeevna Chernyavskaya,
leading prevention specialist
social orphanhood public organization
"Belarusian Foundation SOS-Children's Village"

Being a parent is hard work that moms and dads do, often without special skills and training. And if you somehow manage to cope with the problems of small children that arise in the family circle, then keep your sanity and correctly respond to the child's experiences, for example, due to the lack of comrades in kindergarten, on the street or at school sometimes does not go out.

So, for most parents, the life of their child seems successful and happy when a son or daughter is in a circle of friends and communicates closely with his peers. But as soon as you hear the phrases “why my friend doesn't get along with me”, “no one wants to be friends with me”, “I won't go outside, I'm sad there”, a feeling of helplessness and despair arises, anger at other children, their parents and their own child , up to self-accusations. After all, a kindergarten or school company is a simplified model of society and it works out the skill of relationships with others, and the reaction to a child of peers forms his idea of \u200b\u200bhimself and his attitude to his personality.

At the same time, before drawing conclusions and taking active actions, it is worthwhile to understand what the child means in the concept of "friendship", try to understand why he cannot take the desired position in the children's team, find a friend and / or maintain relations with him. And the solution to this issue requires great delicacy.

What is friendship? There are a lot of definitions for this word. But if we generalize them and apply them to the relationship between children, then friendship is a close and voluntary relationship that is a source of emotional support and empathy for a child. For the first time, interest in contact with other children arises in a 2-3-year-old child who would rather share a scoop and a bucket with a boy or girl he knows than with an unknown one, give a car and a doll to a peer rather than an adult.

Growing older children 3-6 (7) years will be friends with those who offer to play with their toys or treat them with sweets, do not sneak, do not cry and do not fight. And since almost a third of preschoolers are friends with someone, the word "friend" is firmly fixed in the children's dictionary in 3-5th year of life... Friendship for 3-6 year old child - this is an opportunity to visit, play together, have fun, protect from offenders and feel sorry for a friend, as well as forgive a friend and apologize to him. At the same time, practically all friendly relations during this period are based on the principle "good for good, evil for evil."

IN 6 (7) -9 (10) years of age learning is of great importance for children. Younger schoolchildren are more likely to be friends with loyal and quick-witted peers who give cheat, sharing school supplies, and of the same sex as them. The child also chooses a friend and taking into account the geographical principle - he sits at the same desk with him, attends the same circles or lives next to him. Friendship is rather perceived by schoolchildren as mutually beneficial cooperation that does not require understanding and acceptance of the interests of their friend. At the same time, almost all boys build business-focused relationships with each other, and girls attach particular importance to interpersonal trusting contacts. Despite the fact that 80-90% of children have friends and the bonds of friendship are very strong, they usually do not last long.

It should be noted that by the end of training in primary school (8-10 years old) children develop the concept of commitment to each other, they begin to recognize and take into account the feelings of the other, building friendship on positions of mutual assistance. Therefore, the interruption of friendly relations, for example, in connection with the transfer to another school, is perceived by the child painfully, up to the experience of a feeling of real loss and grief. True, until the moment when he finds new friends. Sometimes friendships end in connection with the emergence of other interests, as a result of which children turn to new friends who can satisfy their needs. During this period, according to researchers, having even a single close friend helps a child overcome the negative impact of hostility from other children.

Note that the real friendship of adolescents is a very complex and controversial phenomenon. At one time, mutual support, joint pastime and mutual trust may appear, and at another - sovereignty, rivalry and even conflict. This is largely due to the fact that a teenager is looking for his individuality, seeks to satisfy his emotional and psychological needs. As a result, he has a trusting relationship with several children, which makes the participants in a friendly union both dependent and autonomous from each other.

Compared to younger students, teenager the importance of direct daily contact with a friend decreases, but the role of empathy and understanding in relationships increases significantly. In his opinion, a friend is an ideal person who embodies all the best and for whom you can even make a sacrifice. In addition, adolescents are especially characterized by the phenomenon that has received the name "expectation of communication" in psychology. Its essence is that the child is constantly in search of communication and is always open to contact. Therefore, if it is not possible to be friends with someone with whom you want, or as a result of some conflict, there is a cooling in the relationship, the teenager can go to casual relationships, just not to be left alone.

A typical manifestation of friendly psychotherapy is face-to-face and telephone communication. Such communication takes about 3-4 hours on weekdays and up to 9 hours on weekends. Despite the fact that, according to many parents, this is a conversation, as it were, "about nothing", psychologically it is more important than any meaningful conversation at a given age. However, the boundless openness, frankness and trust of these relationships often bring negative consequences. At the moment of a quarrel, in order to hurt another more strongly, former comrades can tell others the most cherished secrets of their friend.

In youthful friendship, gender differences are also clearly manifested. Girls are more emotional and intimate in their relationships. They have fewer close friends than boys, and they prefer to date each of them individually rather than all at once. In addition, if the main friend for a young man is a peer of the same sex, then for a girl an ideal friend is a young man older than her. That is, for high school girls, the word "friendship" used to describe relationships is often just a veiled name for emerging love.

Despite the fact that the features of children's friendship have been studied deeply enough, parents should always take into account that each child is formed in its own way. This is not only due to properties nervous system, temperament, but also with the conditions of development, which give uniqueness to the general age manifestations for all. However, at any age, starting with 3-4 years, for a child, the importance of contact with friends is invaluable. Therefore, it is parents must take responsibility and take proactive action if the child:

... complains about the lack of friends and the reluctance of peers to communicate with him;

He reluctantly walks or rejoices at any opportunity not to go to kindergarten, school or club;

Tells nothing about classmates and friends whom he met, for example, on the street or in the sports section;

Doesn't want to call anyone, invite him to visit, or no one calls him or invites him to his place;

All day alone, doing something at home (reading, playing computer games, watching TV, etc.).

Before intervening in a situation and helping a child solve a problem, parents should as soon as possible understand the causes of this disharmony. Psychologists have long noticed that the better a child has with his parents, the easier it is for him to find a common language with his peers. Therefore, violations in the field of family education often have a negative impact on the child's ability to establish friendly contacts. Excessive custody of children by parents, forced restriction of communication of a child with other children, a ban on inviting friends to the house, lack of conditions for self-affirmation of a child and denial of his right to act independently can lead to psychological unreadiness to communicate with peers.

A child's problems with acquiring friends may also arise in connection with personal (increased emotionality, isolation and shyness) and external features (excessive obesity, unpleasant facial features, especially in development). And since the children's company is a rather violent community, those unable to fit into the group are ruthlessly expelled.

The reason that a child cannot find a friend or maintain a relationship with him is often associated with the fact that modern children often play alone and often with a computer. As a result, both boys and girls do not know simple ways to get to know each other, they cannot show complicity and empathy, express support for their friend, which, together with the “inability” to speak with peers in their language, leads to the rejection of the child from the peers. Further, due to dissatisfaction in communication, he becomes aggressive, can hide his problems under bravado or buffoonery, or withdraw into himself and fall into depression.

It should be noted that the child and his parents are not always to blame for the fact that certain children cannot find a friend in a new team. Sometimes the mechanisms of mutual sympathies and antipathies, which are still poorly studied by psychologists, work. So, some children are extremely attractive to their peers, while others, no worse than them, are not. Some experts suggest that selectivity is based on the ability of in-demand children to maximize the social needs of their peers.

Having determined the cause of the problem, it is necessary to calmly and unobtrusively begin to correct the situation, adhering to the following rules:

1. Give the child the opportunity to communicate with friends and his peers. For example, to get interested in classes in circles or sections, to visit families with children, to invite peer neighbors home, to arrange children's parties.

2. Provide children with the opportunity to act independently, to show initiative and their abilities.

3. Help the child to put up with friends and strive to learn as much as possible about them.

4. Try to spend quality time with your child, for example, play, have fun, and be naughty, as it were, "on equal terms."

5. Teach the child to speak openly and calmly own opinion, prove it without raising your voice, without hysterics and offenses.

Initially, a child who is upset and confronted with something unfamiliar, unexpected and frightening due to a lack of friends needs emotional support. Often, each parent does what he can, because no one has an ideal solution. The most important thing is that in a difficult situation something will be said and often it does not really matter what words they will be. For a child, the main thing is that the words are spoken, his “sadness” speaks and moves from the category of “tragedy” to a less painful level.

It is important for a son or daughter of any age to feel that a loving adult is ready to listen to him, recognizes him as a trustworthy person, shares his grief, and is ready to help and support. “I see you are sad (angry, afraid, offended). It is really a shame when the guys do not take to the game (to hear ridicule, to be always alone at breaks, etc.). You would like your relationship with the guys in the class to develop differently. "

The word choices parents will say vary. But there are highlights that kids need to hear. Firstly, if a friend “does not get along” with him (her), this does not mean at all that he / she is not worthy of love. Secondly, whatever he / she may be, it is impossible to be loved by everyone without exception. Thirdly, he / she himself (a) also accepts someone as a friend, but ignores someone. Fourth, a joint analysis of the possible causes of the conflict. Perhaps he / she reminds his friend of someone he / she does not like, or he / she did something, unwittingly, that the friend didn’t like. And finally, it is important to make it clear to the child that, in any case, the light did not come like a wedge on this friend. It is worth thinking together with your son or daughter who he / she could count on in his / her class, who could become a new friend and where to find him / her.

In addition to providing support to a child in a difficult situation, it is necessary to pay close attention to the system of relationships between adult family members, as well as the practiced methods of upbringing. Most parents today live too stressful lives, and they simply do not have the strength to communicate normally with their child. They are required to cope well with all of their many responsibilities: this includes family, and career, and much more. Therefore, many parents do not have the energy, patience and desire to do whatever is required. And when something is missed, that “something” almost always turns out to be the life of the family.

At the same time, the main thing is the correct direction of education. Children need live communication with their parents, since it is during direct contact that a son or daughter gain self-confidence, form their own identity and life values. So, devoting 10 minutes in the morning and one hour in the evening to confidential communication, you can get a miracle. It is also important to spend leisure time together, because growing children are more focused on behavior than words. Therefore, among the recollections of adults about the happiest childhood moments, they mainly mention moments of close proximity with their parents, for example, during a family trip or a ski trip to the forest. And rarely does anyone remember the gifts and privileges that were received.

It is also important to calm down and stop caring and worrying too much about the child, unquestioningly fulfill any of his wishes and agree with the rules of the game offered to him. This style of relationship will allow children to learn how to solve many emerging problems on their own, cope with their own selfishness and play together with other boys and girls under someone else's guidance.

It will help the child to establish relationships with other children and systematic receptions at home of parents' friends, conversations with the son or daughter on various topics. For example, conversations about childhood friends of mom and dad: how they met, how they were friends, what they played, what tricks they did, and even how they quarreled and made peace. Thanks to such stories, you can show your child without preaching that being friends is great. A useful lesson for children will be the concerned attitude of parents towards their friends and girlfriends. To do this, it is necessary to start conversations with your son or daughter more often about his comrades, to express positive attitude to them, for example: “How is your friend Andrey? He is so kind and funny (or smart and quick-witted, loyal and reliable, honest and considerate)! "

Changing parental attitudes, you should work with the child in parallel. The preschool period is especially important for acquiring the skills of acquaintance and maintaining friendships. Small children, and especially shy ones, need to be taught to get acquainted with the help of his favorite toys. So, the bunny (for which the child plays) sits in the sandbox, and the bear (one of the parents plays his role) wants to get to know him. Thus, you can play the options for behavior during the acquaintance: how to get closer, what and how to say, depending on the situation. Moreover, the roles should be changed, constantly complicating and modifying the conditions, for example, the child with whom you are trying to get to know, refused, got offended, got angry, got into a fight, etc. With the help of toys, you can also teach the baby to behave correctly in a given situation (I want to ride on a swing, but the other child does not), correct some difficulties in his behavior.

With preschoolers, it is appropriate to remember situations from your favorite animated films. So, Little Raccoon was helped to make friends with "the one who was sitting in the pond" by his smile (cartoon "Little Raccoon" based on the fairy tale by Lillian Moore), and most best friend it turned out not to be the one who is the biggest, but the one who came to the rescue in trouble (cartoon "The Biggest Friend" based on the tale of Sofia Prokofieva). The stories of V. Suteev, for example, "A Sack of Apples", stories about Crocodile Gena, Buratino, etc. can also be instructive.

An authoritative adult can also help a child of 3-6 years old, who does not even know how to communicate, to enter the company of children. Preschoolers automatically determine even the veiled dislike or sympathy of the teacher for this or that child. Therefore, by showing a certain disposition and favor to the rejected baby, you can introduce him to the game team. The task of adults during this period is to teach a child: a) to respect the interests of others, for example, to ask permission from the owner of a toy before taking it; b) refuse to someone with whom you do not want to be friends; c) to achieve friendship without "bribing" the desired comrade.

It is important for every parent to know that it is never too late to try to change the negative perception of their son or daughter by their peers. Adult family members can help younger students and adolescents raise their status in the eyes of their peersif they are:

... provide children with the opportunity to play or socialize or celebrate something at home (with the proviso that the room or apartment will then be cleaned);

Give your son or daughter, for example, a few extra chocolates for school friends;

Together with your child, make small gifts for friends on the eve of the holidays ( New Year, February 23, March 8);

Strive as rarely as possible to unexpectedly change the child's living conditions and social circle.

Special skill is required for moms and dads when problems with friendships arise in their children in adolescence. Often in this situation, friendship and love relationships are intertwined, and the parents are "between a rock and a hard place", performing a contradictory role. On the one hand, they should take the position of an outside calm observer, and on the other, they should be open to contact, ready to actively listen to them at any time of the day.

Summing up, we note that, despite the statements of some researchers about the surface of friendly relations in modern society, about the absence of ideal and deep friendship, about the displacement by wide friendly companies based on a community of entertainment, true companionship, the presence of true friends is still significant for children. and adults. True, if earlier communication of peers took shape as if by itself and did not require the intervention of an adult, today children need to be specially taught. But the main thing is to start by teaching your child to be a loyal and reliable friend.

Sometimes the school has to be changed due to objective circumstances: for example, the child is going to study some subjects in more depth. Or you have moved to another area.

But it happens that you are forced to change school not of your own free will, but because of conflicts with teachers or classmates. And here it is very important to understand: is the change of school really the only way out? Or can the problem be solved in another way?

Conflict with the teacher

In the seventh grade, my son changed his math teacher, and suddenly he turned from being good in this subject into a poor student. Given that the boy dreamed of engineering specialties, such a transformation seemed like a disaster. The teacher was firmly convinced that, despite his successes in physics, he lacked mathematical abilities. Although the tutors, after testing the seventh grader, did not find any gaps in him either in algebra or geometry. And one of them said bluntly: you have a problem not with mathematics, but with a mathematician.

After suffering for two years, we decided to change the school. Many condemned me, believing that it is necessary to learn to overcome conflicts, and not to run away from them. But in all honesty: are we always ready to start a war? There are situations when it is easier and more correct to simply get out of the conflict. We did the same with the school.

This transition has fully justified itself. And not only because today my son has a solid four in mathematics, sometimes “threatening” to go even to the top (and this is in a lyceum with a mathematical bias!). The main thing is that the son again believes in himself, although the previous teacher greatly shaken this confidence.

If you see that the teacher clearly underestimates your child, it is better to start talking with him and clarify the controversial points. Of course, it may turn out that you are overestimating the abilities of your child. But if your opinions differ with the teacher, ask third-party teachers to test your child. It was from these considerations that we turned to tutors.

And if everything says that your child is being oppressed and it is hard and unpleasant for him, you should not suffer and hope that the conflict will resolve. Still, they go to school for knowledge, and if the teacher cannot give it, especially in subjects that are important to you, it is better to find another teacher.

But this situation causes the greatest damage to the psyche of the student. If you constantly say to him: you do not know and do not understand anything, he himself will believe in it and will cease to understand even what he previously knew and knew how to do. And the task of the parents is to prevent this from happening.

Of course, it is important to be able to resolve conflicts and find a common language with others, but it is even more important not to waste your strength and nerves on a useless struggle.

Object for ridicule

It is much more difficult to understand who is to blame if a child has problems with classmates. Yes, they may be cruel and derisive, but it is important for parents to understand why the children chose your son or daughter as the target for ridicule. You can change the school, but your child will remain the same, and there is no guarantee that the old problems will not arise in the new team.

According to psychologists, every child builds around himself the type of interpersonal relationships that he is used to. And if the role of the victim is the most natural for him, then in another school he will involuntarily find himself in this role. Just as if he is used to being a leader, he will inevitably dominate the new class.

The parents themselves may be unwittingly to blame for the child's problems. The first thing that schoolchildren of all ages eagerly scoff at is excessive parental care. Think, maybe you force your son to wear a hat almost until May, out of the best intentions, of course? Maybe the grandmother still meets the adult grandson at the school gates?

This does not mean that you have to follow the lead of the children and let your child dress and behave as he pleases, but it is worth letting go of the reins a little. And at the same time, teach your child to be independent of someone else's opinion.

Making a choice

Before you finally decide on the issue of changing schools, once again weigh the pros and cons. Losing old friends or making new ones ...

The need to get used to the demands of new teachers. A different school style, a different time for the road ...

All these points should be carefully discussed with the child. Sometimes, after such conversations, it suddenly turns out that moving to another school is a change from one problem to another. And sometimes the child can understand at all that all these conflicts were some background, which did not bother him so much. If the transition is inevitable, then the end school year - the best timeto resolve this issue. Also, together with the student, you need to choose a new school, carefully analyzing what did not suit you in the previous one and what you want to find now.

It's almost like choosing a new job. Do not fall for the attractive, but insignificant moments for you. If you are determined to go to a school where math is only in the basic volume, do not go to math just because it is close to home and the neighbors speak well of it. Otherwise, you will get the same problems that you tried to escape from.

My parents wanted me to study at a Moscow school without fail. And I am grateful to them for that. However, if the child himself wants to change school, it is worth listening to his opinion. After all, the reasons can be different. For example, I believe that it was precisely because of the teacher's wrong pedagogical tactics that I disliked chemistry.

Most people recall their school years with nostalgia, considering them the happiest and most carefree time of their lives. However, according to psychologists, schooling is the most difficult period of childhood, when a child not only receives a huge amount of knowledge, but also learns to live in a team, communicating with different people and asserting their place and role in society. It was at this time that children often face various problems - academic failure, conflicts with teachers and misunderstanding of classmates.

Often, a child's admission to school is very positive. Almost all children go to first grade with pleasure. But after a while, the kids begin to complain to their parents about the difficulty in memorizing the material, slowness and inability to concentrate. Further, everything depends only on the reaction of adults. If parents do not pay attention to the problem, attributing everything to the age and character of the child, the problems grow, leading the student into a vicious circle, from which it can be difficult to get out. If the parents take action on time, they can prevent all difficulties and avoid situations that are unpleasant for the child.

Problems of children at school can be conditionally divided into several groups:

• psychological unpreparedness of the child for school
• difficulties associated with the biological characteristics of the student
• insufficient
• problems of adaptation in the team

The child's psychological immaturity is manifested in the fact that, in terms of his interests and behavior, the child can be at the level of a preschooler. And while his classmates enthusiastically study letters and counting, the child gets bored and more and more asserts in his opinion that school is a boring place from which he wants to escape as soon as possible. And all that the parents had to do in order to radically change the situation was just to leave their son or daughter for another year in kindergarten. But moms and dads are always in a hurry, trying to send their children to school even ahead of time. Experienced teachers advise parents not to do this, and try to wait until the moment when their child is fully prepared for the new role of a student.

In addition to psychological unpreparedness, in pedagogy there is also such a thing as volitional immaturity of a student. In this case, we are talking about the selective memorization of various information by the child. The kid can know by heart favorite fairy tales or easily name the brands of cars that he is fond of, but he has problems memorizing the material of the school curriculum - letters, numbers, rules, etc. This situation also takes time. And of course, the support of the parents is very important, who should help the child adapt to the learning process.

School learning problems

Often, children's problems are associated with their biological characteristics. Earlier on Bambino Story, we talked about such a concept as, and discussed in detail the steps that parents can take to organize the training of their fidgets. Hyperactive children cannot sit in one place for a long time, and therefore for them a 45-minute lesson seems like an eternity. They are constantly distracted and therefore very quickly begin to lag behind the school curriculum. The task of the parents is to constantly monitor the child's knowledge, help in the assimilation of school material outside of school hours, as well as the development of perseverance.

By the way, most children face the problem of restlessness, and not just babies with hyperactivity syndrome. It is very rare to find a child who enjoys monotonous work. Therefore, all parents, without exception, should monitor the accurate completion of homework in math copybooks and notebooks. And do not forget, of course, to stimulate and encourage the efforts of your children. This will help them quickly adapt to school workloads.

Another possible cause of problems at school can be when the kid simply does not keep up with the pace of the teacher, more and more behind the program. And in this case, active extracurricular work can also help. In the first years of study, parents should help the student go through all the material at a pace convenient for him, as well as perform various exercises to activate his thought processes and concentration.

Often, problems at school arise for children who have not prepared for their studies properly. If the parents did not pay enough attention to such aspects as, counting and reading, then the child will lag behind peers whose mothers were actively interested. Therefore, do not waste time and start working with your baby every day. Master well preschool program and do not forget about additional hobbies - music, dancing or sports. Diversified and active child will be able to cope with any stress, and learning will only bring him pleasure.

Adaptation of the child to school

The problem of adaptation in a new team is familiar to everyone, both children and adults. It is always very difficult emotionally. It is necessary not only to get used to the huge number of strangers, but it is also important to determine your position among them. And in this situation, all children show themselves in different ways. Some take on the role of leader, others prefer to remain in the shadows. But all babies, without exception, need respect and, unfortunately, absolutely do not know how to respect the interests and feelings of others. This is what often becomes the reason, provoking negative attitudes of children towards school and unwillingness to learn.

Protecting children at school is the responsibility of teachers. But often teachers prefer not to interfere in small school squabbles, and parents have to take measures to independent decision conflict situations... In this case, psychologists advise adults to participate minimally in relations between children, and give them the opportunity to find their own way of resolving conflicts. The best thing that parents can do in this case is to talk to the child, help him deal with his feelings and believe in himself.

Parental support is very important for students. After all, they are taking the first steps in their independent life. And the further formation of the child as a personality depends on what this first experience will be. Try to do everything to ensure that your baby is confident in his abilities, able to protect his own interests and smart enough to respect the interests of others. And then his school years will be full of positive emotions and high achievements.

How to form a correct perception of the learning process in a child? Whether to help and how to prepare homework? How can problems with lessons harm the parent-child relationship? All these questions are very often heard during consultations by the psychologist and mother of many children, Ekaterina Burmistrova.

From Lessons Not Done to Family Conflicts

Cooking homework

Ekaterina Burmistrova

The basic practice during our growing up was one: "You will do the homework yourself, and if you have any difficulties, you will ask me and I will help you." Now the entire education system in primary school is designed for parents to do their homework with their child. .

And here there is a certain dilemma: how to make sure that the child successfully masters the school curriculum, while:

• The curriculum has changed a lot - even in Russian, mathematics and reading.
• The initial level of knowledge of first-graders has changed dramatically - many schools expect children who can already read.
• Teaching a foreign language begins from grade 1-2, the programs are designed for an adult to help the child master them, but most of us started learning the language from grade 4-5.
• In Russia, the number of non-working mothers who are ready to devote all their time to a child who has become a schoolboy has sharply increased, as a result of which the level of independence of children has decreased. No one walks with a key around their neck and does not warm up their own lunch.

In my opinion, these changes:

• inconvenient for parents, as they make them directly responsible for the success of their children in learning.
• In the long term, it has a very negative effect on the relationship between children and parents.
• A decrease in independence in study in elementary school slows down the volitional maturation of children, reduces the motivation to learn up to a complete reluctance to learn and the inability to do it on their own - without parental prodding and mother sitting next to them.

Now at the first parent-teacher meetings in the first grade, teachers directly warn parents that they will now have to study with their children. .

Teachers, by default, assume that you will be responsible for the quality and quantity of homework preparation throughout the elementary school. If earlier the teacher's task was to teach, now the teacher's task is to give a task, and the task of parents (presumably) is to complete these tasks.

By foreign language the programs are generally designed in such a way that a child, in principle, cannot do them without an adult. Roughly: “I do not understand - he is a fool himself. I explain the material, and if the child does not understand, then either go to additional classes, or the parents will explain. " You need to be prepared for such a situation. .

This means that parents should sit down and do their homework with a first grader, a second grader, a third grader, and a fourth grader. But now maturation occurs quite early, and already at the age of 9-10 you can observe all the symptoms of adolescence. By the 5-6th grade, this opportunity - to sit and do homework with your child - will disappear. This situation will become impossible, and in four years the child will get used to the fact that the mother is responsible for the lessons. , and he himself cannot and does not know how to take this responsibility .

You can, at the cost of losing your relationship, continue to force him for up to 14-15 years, while you have enough strength. The conflict will be postponed for several years, and the child will still be unable to take responsibility for his tasks. At the age of 14-15, the protest will already be very bright - and with a break in relations.

There are such indicators that children who were almost excellent students in elementary school, because mom and dad did everything for them, in high school they sharply reduce their studies, because they are no longer ready to accept help, and the skills and abilities to learn are not.

This system, imposed by many primary school teachers, is for the child to do everything perfectly at home, that is, with the help of the parents.

If the child is lagging behind, then the teacher can make a complaint to the parents: oversight! Only old experienced teachers adhere to the classical system - so that the child does everything himself, albeit with mistakes, and they themselves are ready to teach and correct.

Photosight.ru. Photo: petrovichbal

"How are we doing?"

Formation of the correct educational stereotype

You need to understand what kind of teacher you have to deal with, what his position is. And, depending on the rigidity of this position, bend the line of independence.

The most important thing that can be taught to a child in elementary school is responsibility, the ability to work and the ability to take the task as his own.

At first, if you are moving in line with the formation of educational independence, your performance indicators will be lower. Dependence among the only children in the family is especially acute, and here you need to be especially careful.

A child writes his first hooks - and immediately comes under pressure from his parents: “I took my pen in the wrong direction! You're kidding us! You will be a janitor! " The child's level of motivation is low - the level of parental motivation is off the charts.

And at school, the teacher says: "Why does the child not get the combination of letters?" You do not come to the teacher, but he forces you to study with the child. After explaining the material at school, he assumes that you will regularly study and advise on what to do and how to do it. And a stable lexical link “How are we doing?” Is being formed, which speaks of the ongoing symbiosis of mother and child. Then, in the 9th grade, the child says: “I don’t know who I want to be,” - he didn’t have a feeling of himself in his studies.

If a child is insured all the time, he will not learn to do anything on his own at all, he knows that “mom will think of something”, that in any situation the parents will find a way out.

But parents often have fear: "Will the accustoming to independence result in the child's confrontation with the teacher, with the system?"

At first there may be lags, but then the child achieves success. There is an initial loss, but there is no such loss in grades 4-5. If in this period the academic performance of artificial excellent students drops sharply, then the academic performance of such children increases sharply.

There are children who still need help ... These are children who are chronically scattered, the child is “not here” in his thoughts (albeit within the framework of the norm).

These children need to be helped a little more. If the child, in principle, has the ability to self-organize, they need to be included. The question with the lessons is very simple: either he will take responsibility for them, or he will not.

The picture takes shape quite early, from the "preparation". It is better to create conditions for the emergence of independence, and it is necessary to form the correct educational stereotype associated with lessons.

Photosight.ru. Photo: Siren1

School characters

If there are many teachers

It is easier for a child to get used to one teacher who teaches several subjects. If the teachers are different, you need to help the child navigate "what is the name of which aunt." Aunts are different, they have patronymics, and first-graders with patronymics are difficult to understand - it is difficult to remember, difficult to pronounce.

Here, some kind of home training may be needed: we cut out a figure of aunt such and such - she does mathematics, her name is that.

It is also worth helping your child learn the first and last names of classmates. Until the child knows the names of classmates and teachers, he feels uncomfortable.

Focusing on the child's ability to help remember the "school characters" - children and adults - is an important parental task.

Daily worries

The student needs help to organize the learning process

If you have children's household chores in your family, if you have at least some semblance of a regime or rhythm of life, there is some kind of daily chain of events that repeats (we get up at about the same time, go to bed at the same time) - the child will easier to get used to the school rhythm.

Household responsibilities teach you to take on daily responsibilities. And here flowers and pets are very good, taking out the trash is something that needs to be done regularly . Flowers visibly dry up, cats meow and ask for water, and the trash can not be used. Adults do not need to "save" the child or perform duties for him.

By the time the child enters school, the child should have regular responsibilities, what he does on a daily basis: cleans teeth, makes bed, folds clothes. Against this background, other daily duties are added to the household duties - school.

It is useful for a schoolchild:

1. To be able to collect things for classes in sections and to fold a portfolio ... This should be started a year before school - at least. Boys generally do worse than girls.

First, the child will do this with your help, with the sequence prompting. While the child is not reading, you can hang a drawn list of what should be in the portfolio on the wall. If the child has forgotten something, it is not necessary to correct him: let him once be with the missing object, but he will be able to remember it.

2. If you know that the child will still forget something at home, you can check the portfolio. “Let's check if you've collected everything. Show me if everything is in the portfolio. "

3. Know where school clothes and shoes are. He must assess whether these are clean clothes or dirty, dirty clothes to put in dirty clothes. Here, too, responsibility is formed: there is nothing difficult, to look at your clothes for stains.

4. "Children's time management": not only collect a portfolio, but also get ready for class on time. This is a basic skill, without which it is very difficult to start school. It is also necessary to form this skill, which will become a stepping stone to the next, not in grade 1, but in a year, when classes are rather relaxed and not in the morning.

5. Know on what days what kind of preparation takes place. It is good to use calendars for this. You can write under the days which activities on this day, coloring them in different colors so that the child knows what exactly needs to be collected.

If you did not have time to give your child all these skills before school, do the same in grade 1 .

How to do homework

School time management

In order to do homework, there must be a certain time ... You need a daily schedule: get up, wash, dress - the outline of the day, and the allotted time - do your homework. It's easier for a child when everything is rhythmic ... A dynamic stereotype arises (according to Pavlov) - a system of reaction to time: the child prepares in advance to move on to the next action.

Photosight.ru. Photo: yakshee

Such a system is easier for about 85% of children who are categorized as “rhythmic”. There are 15% rhythmless, with a chaotic temporary arrangement. They are seen from infancy, they remain so even to school.

After school there should be an hour of rest (this rule should be observed), and then it may come time of lessons.

To kid you can show the schedule of dad, mom in the weekly, diary, and then write his schedule, explaining what people have, and this is an attribute of adulthood. Anything that is an attribute of adulthood - everything is preferable.

One of the diseases of our time is lessons stretched out over an inordinate amount of time. This means that people have not done simple actions that help both the child and themselves.

1. It is necessary to know that the child does not feel the time. A 6-7 year old child does not feel the time like an adult, he does not know how much has passed.

2. The longer the child sits for lessons, the lower his efficiency.

The norm for doing homework for a first grader:

40 minutes - 1 hour.

2nd grade - 1 hour - 1.5 hours

3-4 class - 1.5 - 2 hours (not 5 hours)

by the 5-6th grade, this norm goes to 2-3 hours,

but more than 3.5 hours should not be spent on lessons.

If a child does his homework longer, then he was not taught to work, or he is a chronic "brake", and they need to be taught to work especially well. The child does not feel the time, and the parents should help him feel the time.

The adequate period for doing lessons for a first grader is 20-25 minutes, for preparation even less - 15 minutes, for children who are exhausted - maybe even less.

But if you seat the child for a longer time than necessary, you are simply wasting time - both yours and his. You don't have to help with the lessons, but with the "time management" it's still worth it.

In order to feel the time, there are different ways to help a child. ... For example, various kinds of timers:

- may be hourglass (not suitable for dreamers - dreamers will watch the sand pouring);

- there may be electronic devices that will beep after a certain time;

- a sports watch with a stopwatch, timer, programmed signals;

- kitchen timers;

- the sound of a school call recorded on the phone.

In preparation homework you need to make a plan for its implementation ... Usually they start with a lesson that is easy enough. Written assignments are done first, and then oral assignments. Start with the easiest one; the child is developed - a break.

In order for the child to work actively, a change of activities is needed, a change: ran to the kitchen, squeezed juice with you and drank it; smeared myself a sandwich; ran around the table five times; did some exercises, - switched.

But the child's workplace is not in the kitchen. He must have a certain place, and you can come to the kitchen during a break. It is necessary to teach the student to keep the workplace in order. A good ecology of the training place is a very important matter. There should be a place for toys, a place to sleep, and a place for classes can be organized even from the age of 4.

You agree in advance that if the child does his homework in the allotted hour, then you will have time to do a lot of things: read a book, play a board game, draw, make something, watch your favorite movie, take a walk - whatever you like. It should be interesting and beneficial for the child to do the homework during this time.

Time to do homework is preferable before it gets dark ... After school, rest. Do not leave lessons for after circles until you have developed a skill. To keep up with additional classes (swimming, dancing), you need to learn how to do the lessons quickly and efficiently. If you do this, there will be no stretch for the rest of the day.

If the evening is endless, and lessons can be done before lights out, then the situation of a "donkey" arises: he stood up, rested, expect nothing good, do not scold too much - you can not do it. Usually children realize that it is not possible to spend the whole day on this boring mission, but there is something else in life. It is important that life does not end with a trip to school: the first part of the day is classes, and the second is lessons until nightfall, and the child is used to the fact that all this is smeared like semolina on a plate and cannot think of anything else. Usually time boundaries and good consequences work great.

The final consequences need to be changed periodically: board games should be replaced by listening to a fairy tale or something else pleasant. In the schedule of the day, there are lessons first, and then free time, i.e. life begins, and it is not necessary to mix it with lessons.

Enthusiastic lessons?

What is homework? Continuation of what was at school or a separate case at home?

Psychologically, this is a skill training: they explained it in the class, and worked it out at home. If there is no strong failure, then it is better to treat it as something, after which life begins. There is no need to wait for enthusiasm from a child (although there are some children who are potential excellent students ). It is necessary to teach to treat the lessons as an intermediate stage, even fun - work hard, and then there will be joy. If another stereotype has not formed (lessons until very late with tears and abuse), then this is enough.

Tasks cannot be duplicated (added in excess of the given) - they must be small so that the desire to learn remains, so that the child does not overwork. All over- is much more dangerous than under-.

Usually, the child is able to keep himself at the table for 15-20 minutes, and the skill develops to do homework at a pace. If the child does not make it in the allotted time, and the mother sits over him, catches and forces him to continue, then the student gets a negative experience. Our task is not to torment the child, but to make him understand that he has missed something.

If a child before school was faced with time constraints - in some classes, he was going to or was engaged in some specific activity within a clearly allotted time frame, then he has already formed some skill.

Facing these complex temporary skills for the first time in grade 1 can be a big challenge. Better to start with "preparation", and also better years from 5 to 5.5.

If tasks are not given at school, then you still need to invite the child to do a certain amount of tasks for a certain time on their own.

The parents themselves also do not need to show excessive enthusiasm and sit over the shower. We are all very worried about the success of our child, and the reaction to mistakes can be hectic - and the relationship deteriorates.

You need to tune in that not everything will be perfect, that there will be mistakes, but gradually there will be fewer of them.

The lack of ratings is encouraging. While the skills of doing homework are being formed, the child pulls himself up, turns on in the 2nd grade, and the assessment system immediately puts everything in its place. We must be allowed to make mistakes. Perfect expectations that everything will be excellent at once must be contained.

Wherein need to be very praised , when the child took on independence, he tried to praise for what he did himself. Praise not the result, but the effort. From any parent, strictness to school success is perceived as a blow to self-esteem. In high school, a child already understands that if a parent scolds, then he wants good. Junior schoolboy perceives criticism as a blow: "I am trying, but here you are saying something against ...". Focus on diligence.

It is good if the teacher is also inclined to evaluate diligence, not success. Sadly, however, many teachers believe that censure is the best way to propel a person to greater success.

Special situations

1. Particular difficulty if a child in grade 1 immediately begins English .

If you have chosen such a school, then it is better to start English one year before school. This is a very big load - two scripts and two grammars are mastered at once. With the preparation of homework for english language you need to help... It is desirable to have a tutor, teacher. If a parent wants to teach the child himself, then he must try to maintain a complacent mood, not get angry, and if this is not to the detriment of the family as a whole. But it's better not to substitute yourself for the teacher.

2. If they ask a lot at school, and the child does not understand what to do? Should I help him?

It is advisable to avoid such a situation. It is better not to do homework with your child, but still follow what is happening: “Tell us what happened at school, what did you teach? How do you solve problems? " This situation is possible if you went to school stronger than you are shown. Usually a normal child with no disabilities at a school of his level understands everything,although he can listen, chat. Use the help of a teacher, resort to additional activities at school. Set your child up to the fact that the teacher gives knowledge, and that you do not understand, you need to ask him. In a situation of misunderstanding, you need to understand specifically: talk with the child, with the teacher. Usually, after preschool preparation, the child has already formed the ability to hear and perceive in a team.

3. In grade 1, the child is still poorly able to read the assignment .

Decide that at first he reads the task anyway, then you read it. It won't be like that in 2nd grade. In grade 1, explain that while you are writing the assignment, because he does not know how to write well, and later you will not. Set time limits for how long this situation will last.

4. A child makes a lot of mistakes while doing homework, and teachers require excellent clean-ups.

Checking homework is still necessary, but if you hand over your perfectly completed assignments, teachers will not understand that the child is falling short of something.

Your position depends on the sanity of the teacher. If the teacher is sane, then you can explain to him that you are for independence, for the possibility of making mistakes. This question can be raised directly at a parent meeting.

If, when checking, you see that everything was done wrong, then next time do it with a pencil, find the most beautiful letter and be guided by it. Let the child do the tasks himself on a draft and bring you a check if he wants. If he refuses, then it will be his mistake. As far as he can do himself, let him do it, let him make mistakes.

If you can bring the teacher with a mistake - rejoice. But you can't argue against the education system. If unsuccessfulness is observed in all subjects, then it is better to hire a teacher than to spoil the relationship with the teacher.

The role of the mother is support, care, acceptance. The role of the teacher is control, rigor, discipline. From the mother, the child perceives all the teaching qualities as offensive, especially in the first two grades, while the student's position is being formed. He does not perceive correction as correction, but thinks that you are scolding him.

Primary school - learning to learn

Three factors of success in primary school

The main task of a child in elementary school is to learn how to learn. He needs to understand that this is his job, for which he is responsible.

Good first teacher - a winning lottery ticket. The authority of the first teacher is very important. At some stage, his teacher's authority may be higher than that of a parent. He (the authority) helps the child very much in his studies. If a teacher does something negative: he makes pets, is rude, unfair, parents need to talk to the child, explain so that the student does not lose respect for the teacher.

The key to raising a child is your personal memories. ... When your child is close to school, you need to bring your memories back to life. They, for sure, everyone has, from 5.5-6 years they all are stored. It is useful to ask around your parents, to find your notebooks.

When sending a child to school, be sure to tell him: “If something bright, interesting unusual happens to you or to someone at school, tell me without fail - it’s very interesting for me”. As an example, you can tell him stories from the family archive - stories of grandmothers, grandfathers, parents.

Negative experiences and memories can be restrained and not projected onto the child. But it is also not necessary to idealize the school, if you do not intimidate, but explain, then you can usefully share your negative experience.

Relationships with classmates are essential ... Now children often study far from school, and after school they are immediately disassembled and taken away. Contacts are not made. Parents need to establish contacts with children from the class, walk together, invite them home.

Well, with the upcoming Day of Knowledge and good luck!