What happened? Boy Sasha is in grade 1, went to school at the age of 7. By the age of 7, he was perfectly able to read, write and count. He is very active, inquisitive, he has a bright, expressive speech... The parents assumed that it would be easy for the child at school, and the first grade would be a place where he could show his abilities, but in reality something else happened.
In a class of 30 people, Sasha is completely unable to concentrate on any process. He is very active in the classroom, but this activity is of a different order than that which is expected from a student. He jumps up, he interrupts the teacher, he interjects in his explanations. At some point, the teacher, tired of this child's behavior, puts the boy on the back desk. But even on the back desk, the child did not stop his activity. At the same time, because of the distance, he stopped listening to the teacher, the teacher no longer fell into Sasha's attention zone. He went about his business, scattered pieces of paper, bullied neighbors, communicated with them, talked. As a result, Sasha was fenced off with desks from his classmates, so that he had a personal free space in which he would not interfere with anyone. But since Sasha was still active, and this activity had to be put somewhere, he began, unnoticed by the teacher, quietly crawling under the desk, waiting for the teacher to turn away, crawl out to the door and wander around the school, trying to slip out and beyond it too. The school withstood for about six months, after which the mother was given a condition that either she would take the child out of school, or the school was trying by some other effort to transfer the child to a school for children with deviant behavior.
How to help? Let's try to find the reasons for the failure of an active and inquisitive boy with a well-developed intellect. What often surprises parents is that the child at this moment has a large stock of not educational, but so-called educational skills. These are active, nimble children who go to school already reading, writing, counting almost within 100.
Parents have a feeling that school, at least first grade, will be an easy pastime for them. This is not always the case.
I think most of you are familiar with the mosaic development situation. Psychologists often say about our adopted children that their overall development is very uneven. For some parameters, for example, for the development of memory, for the development of the cognitive sphere, they reach the norm, and some parameters fall. It depends on what problems and what situations the child had in early childhood.
In the situation with Sasha, about whom I spoke, the mosaic nature of development is expressed in the fact that, despite his excellent physical development and good development intellectual sphere, Sasha's emotional-volitional sphere sinks. That is, his volitional regulation is much lower than the norm, so the child is not able to make long-term efforts and is completely incapable of doing what he is not interested in or seems unimportant at that moment. Often, weakness in the emotional-volitional sphere is associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). They later mature in certain parts of the brain that are responsible for self-regulation. Therefore, it is very difficult for such children to meet the requirements. school life, they do not fit into school due to their behavioral characteristics. Of course, in a class of 30, such a child with abnormal behavior is immediately regarded as a very uncomfortable child.
We consider such children to be a risk group, because children are rarely brought to us, they are not considered in need of help. Typically, these children are punished, this is the phenomenon when parents and teachers say that the child is "misbehaving." Since a child behaves badly, it means that he needs to be disciplined, brought in line. The more measures of this punitive nature are taken, the more stress in the child increases, and the ability to concentrate and exert automatically decreases.
When we adults are under stress, when we have a difficult emotional situation, our thinking abilities are not functioning effectively, what can we expect from a small child with such problems?
How to help a child and what to pay attention to parents who have such a child? If you see from the preschool childhood of your child that he: concentrates poorly, is not assiduous, is easily distracted, abandons his studies halfway through, is not able to listen to your instructions and carry them out, then this should bother you at school.
Often parents think that in kindergarten the child was restless, nimble, few could cope with him, but he will go to school and everything will be settled. Unfortunately, it will not settle down, moreover, the situation at school against the background of getting used to the new environment can only worsen. Any child who comes to school experiences stress, and for such children, stress is especially destructive, they have low stress resistance.
It would be nice for such a child to get into a class with a low occupancy, but, unfortunately, both in Moscow and in the regions, there are very few schools with up to 10 students in a class. Optimization is underway in Moscow, many schools have been enlarged. Due to the increased distraction and the weak ability to concentrate on one thing, in a large class of 30 children, the environment for a hyperactive child is simply unbearable, his attention all the time disappears.
If it is not possible to attend a class with a low occupancy, then it is imperative to agree with the teacher so that he puts this child right in front of him on the front desk, so that during the lesson he shows individual attention to him, comes up and looks through his notebook, once again prompts him how do some exercise. Sometimes several manifestations of the teacher's attention per lesson are enough for the child to become more or less stable.
For children with hyperactivity, it is also important not to remain completely immobile for 40 minutes, but to move somehow. It would be nice to agree with the teacher so that in the middle of the lesson he would give the child the task to go wet a rag, or wipe the board, or do something else so that physical activity was legitimate and accepted in the class. Thus, the child will not disturb the peace and quiet of other children. For some children, positive teachers ask them to stand up and walk down a row in the middle of the lesson. If a child is not able to concentrate in order to pass and not touch someone, then a small 7-8 year old child can be taken by the hand and walk with him through this class. For such children, movement becomes relaxation.
If you organize an educational regime taking into account these characteristics, children will be much less interfering with others and will learn much more themselves. Such children are also shown a gentle regimen, and in the middle working week it would be good to take a break. It is advisable to take him home immediately after school, in no case leave him for an extended course, so that the school does not turn into a permanent, everyday, long stay in which the child loses any opportunity to concentrate on something.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of foster children with weak emotional-volitional regulation. The reason for this is clear, the problem lies in early childhood, because the development of our will begins with the development of the emotional sphere. If a child grew up in an asocial family or in an institution and no one paid attention to his emotions, and he was not taught to distinguish these emotions, to understand what another person thinks or feels, the child himself will never learn this.
It is imperative that you learn to express emotions - especially negative ones - in some acceptable way. Otherwise, he will feel any emotion, be it joy, irritation or resentment, as some kind of inner excitement. And this inner excitement is looking for a way out, and no matter how much the child restrains himself, it will break through at some point.
As a rule, it breaks through with chaotic motor activity, bodily contacts, such children are often called pugnacious. This is not always associated with aggression, often this is due to the fact that they simply do not know where to put this excitement, especially boys - to knock, fight - this is a way to throw off these bodily clamps, relieve arousal.
How well we are able to recognize and express our emotions also depends on how well we are able to manage our actions. Here the connection is direct and it is not for nothing that this sphere is called emotional-volitional. It is useless for such children to make increased demands, thinking that they are misbehaving. They are simply not capable of this yet. And in such cases, correction of the psycho-emotional sphere is very important. It would be nice if there was some specialist next to you who could help build exercises for the child. Lots of different techniques work with the emotional sphere, behavioral correction, which is associated with this sphere. And here the prospects are also very good.
Usually, with proper support and special work, such children also level up, and it is very important not to knock them down, not label them as a bad student, not represent him as an intruder, not make him a scapegoat at school. Because otherwise the child very quickly becomes a bad student, and he will no longer have the desire to learn and make efforts. And against a negative emotional background, he intellectually understands worse than he could.
Advice to parents on how to work with emotions if you do not have a specialist nearby: first, you need to teach your child to recognize their emotions. If you see that the child is angry, upset, offended, or, on the contrary, is very happy about something, tell him about it so that he knows the name of the state in which he is now. We say to the child “I see that you are very upset”, “You are very upset that we did not go to the cinema today”. When we feel that the child begins to get angry, anger builds up in him, we also tell him about it “I see that you are angry. When we say this to a child, he understands that any of his conditions has a name and a reason. In addition, the child sees that you accept him in this state and that means that he is not ashamed to experience him.
And the third important side: after you teach the child to recognize feelings, then you need to teach the child to somehow express them, primarily negative ones. What can I do if I am very angry? It is this question that the child asks to his parents, not in words, but in behavior. Your family should have accepted ways to release this tension. What do you allow a child to do, how can he be angry?
Our foster families themselves offer a lot of ways, they come up with, they adopt from each other, we offer them some. Since tension often builds up in the body, a common way is to release it through muscle effort. Now there are many large soft poufs, pillows that you can throw on the floor and invite your child to beat these pillows, roll on them. Some children do something with large soft toys, they take out their anger on them. If you allow this, this is also a good way, the child does not harm anyone at this moment. There are families who, for example, are allowed to scream in the bathroom. It is important for most children to release their anger and irritation through sound.
A lovely mother recently told us about this method for a 5-year-old boy: when he is very angry, he goes to his room and hits the LEGO pieces on an iron tray. Mom was with us for a consultation, I talked to her and said, "After all, it must be very loud?" She replies, “Yes, of course, it's loud, but I understand that he now needs to be loud, so I give permission to do it.”
I am sure if you take care of this topic, you will come up with many ways to discharge the child that will not disturb the peace of other family members and reduce the risk of unexpected explosions, scandals. We cannot forbid a child to be angry, we cannot forbid a child to experience negative emotions, it does not depend on our will.
We adults also experience all these feelings and I must say that there is nothing good if we suppress them. The child often cannot suppress them, hide them in himself, but even if he succeeds, negative emotions will always find a way to get out in some other way, including through somatic diseases.
Nobody wants a child to be sick, so it’s better to teach him to be angry correctly. How, from your point of view, it is acceptable to express your anger, you need to agree with the child. You can give him some small objects at school that would calm him down. For example, one of our children carries small balls to school that hide in their hand, and when the child feels that he can no longer sit still, he begins to crumple this ball. You can agree with the teacher that the child is allowed to do this.
We were told by our adoptive parents that in kindergarten, in senior group a stack of red cardboard was placed on one of the tables. And the child, when he is angry with someone or has unpleasant feelings, comes up to this table, there is a garbage can next to it, he tears / crumples / tramples this cardboard, and then throws it into this garbage can. This is how the teacher taught the children, the children use it. The boy who was with us for a consultation said that it helps him a lot. We believe that this is a very good teacher who has brought many benefits to all children. This will help them in school life.
The article was prepared based on the materials of the webinar by Natalia Stepina " School problems adopted children ". The full version of the webinar can be viewed
It happens that a child does not adapt well to school. For various reasons, he does not fit into the school rules, he cannot study himself and interferes with others. Parents are in despair: like a child like a child, not stupid at all, but at the same time solid deuces and disappointments. Armed with research, literature and our own experience, we talk about the behavioral problems of hyperactive children and what to do with them.
To describe this problem, the "fashionable diagnosis" is often used - ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). We will not, however, use this clinical cliché.
First, hyperactivity and attention deficits don't always go hand in hand. These problems are completely different, and attention deficit needs to be discussed separately. Second, even the most advanced physicians currently have no consensus on the criteria for ADHD or on what to do if a diagnosis is made.
In the United States, the WWK3 protocol is used, according to which children with diagnosed hyperactivity are treated with Ritalin (methylphenidate is a psychostimulant drug). But according to some research (for example, according to Australian scientists), Ritalin is ineffective for ADHD in the long term.
Another main drug for treating ADHD is atomoxetine, which we know as stratter. This medicine is quite effective, but it causes significant side effects that make many parents refuse it (nausea, a sharp decrease in appetite, slowing down the growth of muscle mass).
In the CIS countries, hyperactivity is practically not treated with drugs, except perhaps nootropics, about which full, large-scale studies have not been conducted, or in severe cases of antipsychotics, which is completely unreasonable.
How then, personally, can we smooth out the manifestations of hyperactivity in a child and help him adapt at school if his features interfere with learning and communicating the way most of his peers do?
Here's an extreme fidget. He runs, sways on a chair, waves his arms, talks all the time, does not want and cannot listen to the teacher, read a textbook, or write normally in a notebook. But it perfectly interferes with learning for others. At the same time, he often lags behind in emotional development: he can only "run with the guys", but he lacks the patience to somehow adjust, to listen to his comrade. And so he can't make friends.
Teachers groan from him, peers quickly begin to consider him a buffoon or even an outcast. His intellect can be high or normal - but endless fuss, running, jumping and screaming simply do not allow the child to prove himself.
How can we define our position on the education of our active child at school? And what should be done? These tips are based both on the personal experience of the author who raised a hyperactive child, and on various literature. In particular, the excellent book "Mattress Children and Catastrophe Children" by the Petersburg psychologist Ekaterina Murashova.
1. Mode
A hyperactive child needs to continue to lead a "preschool lifestyle" until the age of ten. He cannot be a little manager, who has all the days scheduled for circles and sections. You cannot leave him on extended treatment if there is no daytime sleep. Afternoon rest, stroll, homework preparation, quiet games and sleep - just that.
When rising at 7.30, a hyperactive elementary school student must "turn off the lights" at 21.00 maximum. And before that - lie in bed for 20-30 minutes and read, draw or listen to an audiobook.
2. No sport
A common misconception about a hyperactive child is that he simply “needs to be allowed to run out and get tired” that if he is “put into sports, he will waste his excessive energy and become like silk”. In fact, he does not have so much strength, he just cannot stop. And there is no endurance at all.
If such a child is additionally aroused and "run out", you can only get evening tantrums: I am wildly tired, but I still rage until I fall over.
In addition, sport just requires an uncontrollable, but precisely measured energy flow. A hyperactive child is not able to direct his energy even at the everyday level. It is better to choose such sections where the main subject of attention is not the result, but the process, the alternation of load and relaxation. They can be athletic, but certainly not professional.
3. Not slower, but more rhythmic
In a hyperactive child, impulses between the cortex and subcortex of the brain, regulating activity and inhibition, are carried out more slowly than necessary.
As paradoxical as it sounds, a hyperactive child is somewhat of a brake. He thinks quickly, but fizzles out even faster, and therefore simply does not have time for himself
This is a quick but "ragged" contact, a blinking light. Our main efforts should be directed not at slowing something down or purposefully calming down, but at making the child smoother and more rhythmic in all respects. Less twitchy.
This is also served by the same regime (measured, cyclically repeating circle of tasks - duties, practices, types of rest), and small cycles during the preparation of lessons (if every three or five minutes is distracted according to the plan, and not spontaneously, then you gradually learn to work these three minutes without being distracted).
The main idea is to find a rhythm in any activity, to replace involuntary convulsive “switching on” and “switching off” from it with a rhythm.
4. Working with rhythm at school
This is where experienced teachers usually have their tricks. They know that the child needs to be pulled out of place three times during the lesson under some pretext - to the blackboard or to the corridor. And that Anton will be less disturbing if you give him a separate assignment and do not pay attention to the fact that he is swinging in a chair during the test.
If the teacher doesn't come up with anything like that, let's take the initiative into our own hands. Agree with the teacher, for example, that the child can leave the class a couple of times for five minutes during the lesson. And put a timer on your child's phone - but not with a sound signal. Sometimes even this "short rhythm" is enough for the behavior to improve significantly.
5. As careful as possible with estimates
This is necessary for all children, but first of all for those who have problems with behavior and diligence. Inspire the child that he is not what he was given, whether it is an assessment or a diagnosis. And not what it was called or nicknamed. He is not the sum of his peculiarities and oddities, not "the same Ivanov."
It is imperative to counter the child's school reputation with something strong and weighty. Of course, it is ideal to teach a child in this way and in such a place that such a reputation does not begin to develop at all. But it doesn't always work out. In any case, beyond the threshold of the house - no assessments, reproaches and endless "what are you ...". Glory to God as it is!
If a hyperactive child grows up in an atmosphere of constant discontent, it is more difficult for him to compensate for his characteristics.
And others are beginning to be added to them: craving for dangerous extreme sports, aggressiveness, addictions, strong mood swings. So it is necessary to protect him from the school, serve as a buffer, and, if possible, choose gentle, cheerful and understanding teachers.
6. Hand over the control panel in time
A hyperactive child cannot provide himself with constant involvement (see point two). Therefore, the parent must form a magic box around him, turning it on and off manually, but allowing him to gradually form endurance and perseverance. These things really get stronger through long training sessions.
So we brought a tomato for ten minutes, and we know for sure that for these ten minutes the child will sit quietly and solve equations with our hand on his head. The tomato rang, the child received a little encouragement, then he tumbled for five minutes on the rings - and again ten minutes of mathematical imprisonment under the hypnosis of the parent.
But as soon as the parent notices that the child is already able to provide himself with this rhythm, he hands over the control panel to the child himself. It is imperative to help him maintain his rhythms on his own. For this, you can adapt a variety of techniques. From a blackboard where you can mark the done things with plus signs, to the mentioned tomato or a timer on your phone.
An extremely important task is to transfer the hyperactive child to self-support.
After all, if we continue to control it manually, we will inevitably get bored to the extreme, and we will infantilize the child. And if you just wave your hand, then ... someone will come out, and someone will move out so that later it will be difficult to catch up. No, I'm not talking about grades, but about mental health, addictions, lifestyle. Hyperactive children are at risk in many ways.
7. Look at yourself
Very often, hyperactive children are born with hyperactive parents... If this is about us, then let's think about our own habits and those techniques that help us to adapt in society.
There is actually a lot of pluses in hyperactivity, especially in these times.
An adapted hyperactive person thinks faster, switches easily (while an unadapted hyperactive person does not know how to switch at all). And although he gets tired quickly, he quickly rests.
A project manager who works in short cycles, an intraday trader, an easy-going journalist, a freelancer who is "fed by his feet", a lover of constant business trips (to come and sleep off a day) - hyperactive zips, with skillful management of their uneven energy flow, are able to quickly and easily move various mountains ... But it is very important to learn how to properly handle your own characteristics, so that they do not develop into pathology, but, on the contrary, make a person more effective.
School is the enemy of hyperactive children, because there you need to be attentive and focused. Without concentration and the ability to complete what has been begun, the performance of a hyperactive student will leave much to be desired.
Hyperactivity is a scourge elementary school students ... Their leading activity changes from play to educational, due to which the load on the brain increases many times over.
Systematicity, duration, repetition - everything without which it is difficult to imagine learning does not fit in with a hyperactive child. What should parents do in this case?
Signs of hyperactivity
How do you know if your child is hyperactive? Answer yes or no to 10 questions of our test:
- Does the child constantly move their hands and feet?
- Can't sit still for even a minute?
- Having a hard time waiting for your turn in the game?
- Answers questions quickly, without listening to the end?
- Difficulty completing the proposed tasks?
- Difficulty switching attention from one activity to another?
- Are his games or drawings often left unfinished?
- Talking a lot, interfering with others, interfering in all conversations?
- Can't play himself, quietly and calmly?
- Often makes impulsive actions without thinking about the consequences?
If your answer is 8-10 yes, your child is prone to hyperactive behavior.
And you are not alone. According to statistics, more than 25% of children aged 5 to 11 are hyperactive, and boys suffer twice as often as girls.
Psychologist Elena Frolova says: “There are several reasons why parents of boys more often complain about hyperactivity of their children than girls. The male fetal brain is more vulnerable to various pathologies of pregnancy and childbirth. The psyche of girls has better developed compensatory functions, and they are also more emotional and obedient. For example, it is easier for a girl to throw a tantrum, and she already gets a release, but in this situation the boy starts talking a lot, going crazy and running on the ceiling. "
What are the problems at school
Excited, inattentive, restless and loud - such children attract the attention of the teacher, who needs to make sure that they sit quietly, complete assignments, and do not interfere with classmates.
These schoolchildren in the lesson are constantly busy with their own affairs, it is difficult to keep them in place, to make them listen to the task and, moreover, to complete it to the end. They do not hear the teacher, they often lose something, they forget.
Overactive kids need to keep moving, which goes against school rules. Sitting at a desk for 4-6 lessons in a row for 35-40 minutes is an impossible task for them. 15, maximum 20 minutes - and the child loses the thread, his attention is scattered, a change of activity is necessary.
How to help a hyperactive child
Be patient ... The problems of hyperactive children are not solved overnight by one person. This is a complex problem that requires attention and long-term work on the part of parents, doctors, educators and psychologists. Visit different people, ask for a few opinions, look for alternatives, gather experience.
Forget the word "no ". For a hyperactive child, there is nothing worse than saying no. No, you can’t, don’t run, don’t jump, don’t walk, don’t take, don’t shout - how much more will he have to listen to? Don't formulate orders - voice sentences. And connect fiction. Your new life-saving phrases: “Let's walk like kitties”, “Let's listen for a minute what the silence tells us”, “Let's try to negotiate with the pen”. If a ban is vital, try to present it from a positive side, do not say "do not walk in puddles", suggest "go out on the pavement."
Find your circuit ... In a family where, it is important to avoid extremes. There should be no permissiveness and indifference, but it is pointless to demand from such a child unquestioning obedience, observance of the rules and intimidation with punitive sanctions. Categoricalness, reproaches, tugging will not do him good. Develop your tactics, scheme, strategy, look for it through trial and error.
Seek Zen. At school and at home, your child will benefit from the experience of mastering their emotions. Teach little man self-control, show step by step how you can smooth out the surging feelings. The best example is your own, so restrain your violent affects, especially towards the child. Together, learn to switch attention, change the direction of activity and thoughts, study breathing practices, go to martial arts.
Provide support ... If you only knew how much the words "I understand you" mean to a hyperactive child! He just needs adult support. He is already uncomfortable and restless inside himself, and here you are with your notations. Sincerely try to understand the child, support his attempts at self-control, praise for restraint and good behavior.
Hug. ... No one needs a hug as much as hyperactive children. They can calm down in your hands, break free or crawl on their knees, but they just need to feel physical contact with a loved one. Hug your child and calmly stroke him on the back, as if soothing. The more often you do this simple exercise, the better. Do you know how to do massage? Great, start without hesitation, just remember, your goal is to relax the child.
Be brief. For a hyperactive child, tasks need to be defined clearly, in short sentences, without long formulations. In homework, highlight the most important words with bright felt-tip pens, one word will be easier for the child to remember.
Observe the order ... If you say “finish it in your notebooks, wash your hands and come to dinner,” it will be difficult for a hyperactive child to concentrate and keep three tasks in mind. Therefore, put tasks in turn. Did one thing - start the next.
Remember the daily routine ... Yes, it is difficult for a hyperactive child to adhere to any framework. But to understand that after lunch he will need to do his homework, and after school - to collect a portfolio - is necessary. You do not need to get stuck in minutes, it is important to follow the sequence of actions. That the child will have to warn him in advance: "We are now watching the cartoon and go to do homework." Keeping track of deadlines is your task, do not pass it on to the child. As an assistant, the calendar works great, on which, in addition to the daily schedule, you can mark some goals and plans for the week, month, year.
Remove distractions ... Is the child doing homework? Turn off the radio, TV, remove all distractions from the table. A hyperactive child needs to make superhuman efforts to concentrate. Help him in this - remove everything that can distract him. Even the color of walls, furniture, textiles, clothes, choose a calming, non-irritating.
Hyperactivity most often passes by adolescence: signs of increased physical activity decrease, changes in the psyche are smoothed out.
It is important that the child comes to this moment with faith in himself, positive emotions and without the burden of an inferiority complex. And this is in your hands!
To say that being a "zinger" in a children's team is a problem is to say nothing. It's more like survival. A hyperactive child in school or kindergarten inconvenient, requires more attention. The system squeezes out such children.
There is no one to blame for this situation. If you take the side of the parents and the child, then there are claims to the teacher. If you take the side of the teacher, then he is also right, and there are claims to the parents.
The child is constantly faced with misunderstanding. His successes are not perceived as a systemic phenomenon. Problems are constantly expected of him. This can be well understood by the example of sports. If a team has a player who is lower in level than the entire team, then this place requires constant attention from everyone in the team.
At the first opportunity they try to replace it. This takes up a resource and does not give an opportunity to develop calmly.
It seems like a vicious circle. If you do not break it, then nothing good will come of it. How do you break this circle? What are the tools for this?
A hyperactive child in school and kindergarten - adaptation. What to do for parents:
1) Expand the zone of the child's positive success.
If he will be able to do what almost none of his peers in the close environment (classmates, groupmates in kindergarten, neighbors) can do, this will significantly increase him status. Moreover, the degree of success, for example, in competitions, will not have a decisive significance, since the very fact that a child is engaged in equestrian sports is already makes him stand out from the crowd... Imagine: your son brought a nail to the class, which he forged with his own hands in a real forge. The look and performance of the nail will probably not interest anyone - everyone will be surprised and delighted by the fact that a person has visited such an interesting and mysterious place for most. So hyperactive child in school or kindergarten turns out in the spotlight (and we remember that such children are striving for precisely this), not following the principles of "Shapoklyak syndrome" - "you cannot become famous for good deeds", but thanks to really useful for its development activities.
To expand zones of positive success and popularity I recommend informing the child that, for example, he can shoot from a rifle, as many people as possible. Not only your close relatives, but also almost all acquaintances should be aware of and delighted. Promotion of such publicity is very useful: it motivates the child to new beginnings and achievements. So, you should go to interesting places where you can do something extraordinary, at least once, so that there is a "boast" in the child's arsenal - "I rode karting / rode a horse / my horse is called that". From the point of view of adaptation in social institutions (kindergarten, school), this is necessary and important.
2) Clearly formulate tasks. Highlight the main thing.
One more important point, in my opinion. Very often, parents contact me with a request formulated in the extremely general form ... For example: "we want the child to socialize and behave appropriately in society." By itself, the term "socialization" is so broad that, pronouncing it, we, in fact, do not provide any information. Of course, each of us has in our head some kind of behavior that is acceptable in a normal society. And if a person is too clearly knocked out of the corridor of acceptable variations of such behavior, we can confidently state that he has problems with socialization. However, every problem child has very specific difficulties in one area or another.
If, for example, there are disturbances in the sensory system and the sphere of sensations, then a person simply cannot adequately read information. He does not perceive body language at all, but focuses only on what is said to him, and he evaluates everything said too literally. Such children do not know how to imitate, they do not have the necessary tools for this. This means that it is very difficult for them to comply with generally accepted norms (for example, behave decently at the table or sit quietly in class). Therefore, a correctional specialist should work on physicality pointwise, gradually transferring his work into a type of activity suitable for a particular child that can expand the range of his capabilities.
If the child has difficulties in the team and problematic behavior, parents need convey to the teacher / educator a clearly formulated task... Quite often, one of my conversations with the teacher was enough for the kid, with whom they refused to work, left in the group and successfully learned to productively interact with him. The fact is that when a teaching specialist does not see the dynamics of a child's development in the area entrusted to him, he begins to realize this as a professional failure. And no one wants to be unsuccessful in their business for a long time. Moreover, everything works out with other children, but with this problematic one, nothing. Without seeing the result (for example, neat writing), the teacher primary school is often ready to abandon the child, thinking that he is powerless to teach him something.
However, if it is explained to such a specialist that at this stage of development of this particular child it is necessary and important for his parents that he learns to be quietly present at the lesson, without running out from behind the desk every minute, that now no one expects success in calligraphy, that it is only necessary to teach keep the child's attention relatively long time, then the situation can radically change. One boy, who knew how to read and write, but categorically did not want to demonstrate his skills, could sit at his desk for no more than 2 minutes. The teacher, of course, advised me to change the school to a correctional one. After our conversation with her, she focused on solving a specific problem - teach the child to just sit in the lesson. And a year later this hyperactive child at school perfectly hatched 4 lessons. And then the academic performance improved.
Therefore, please set a specific task for the specialists and emphasize that encourage or disapprove you just need a child within this task. Then it will be easier for the educator / teacher to cope with the child, and the child - more comfortable. If you don't prioritize, people make a logical conclusion that you need everything at once. And since everything does not work out right away, the natural reaction of the teacher is “I cannot work with this child”. And this does not mean that the teacher and / or your child is bad. It's just that not a single person is ready to feel their failure for a long period.
3) Engage professionals who work individually with the child to cooperate with teachers at school and kindergarten.
It is very good when they come to talk with a teacher or teacher specialists working individually with a child - trainers, psychologists, speech therapists. First, it clearly indicates your parental involvement in the development of the child. That is, you don't just want to leave it in the kindergarten or school for a few hours and exhale, but really do your best to facilitate its adaptation. Secondly, the teacher or educator becomes, as it were, part of a friendly teamseeking to help the child. This also works for your benefit.
In addition, often the requests formulated by the parents are perceived by teachers with some distrust. That is, when a mother says that grades are not important to her, that the intermediate and final tests can somehow be pulled out, but what is really significant and necessary is to teach the child to just sit in the lesson properly, they may not believe her. And when I come and explain from the position of a corrective specialist that this particular child needs this particular skill, people are much more serious and almost always agree to cooperate. So involve those you pay money for in conversations with educators and educators. individual sessions with child. Strongly forgive them to fulfill this responsibility.
Do you want to reduce the degree of activity of the child and direct it in a more constructive direction?
We invite you to understand this difficult topic in more detail together with Oleg Leonkin (child rehabilitologist, hippotherapist, specialist in sensory integration and massage, father of 5 children) on the author's online course "Active and hyperactive children"... There is now a discount on the course.
“When my mother writes to me after the course that the main thing is that she understood:“ Hyperactivity is a cool thing, if you send it in the right direction, ”I understand that I conveyed the BASIC. And we will work out the details and figure it out, ”- Oleg Leonkin.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a problem that requires timely diagnosis, as well as psychological and pedagogical correction.
Hyperactivity can be diagnosed from the age of 5-7 years. It is during this period that one should begin to conduct correctional work... With age, the child may have signs of increased motor activity, however, attention deficit and impulsivity can go into adult life.
It is very difficult for hyperactive children to sit in one place, they fuss a lot, move, spin, speak loudly, interfere with others. Such a child often does not complete the task, because he cannot concentrate on one thing, is constantly distracted and switches to other tasks. He asks many questions and cannot even wait for answers. He often finds himself in dangerous situations because he does not think about the consequences.
Recommendations for parents to correct the behavior of a hyperactive child:
1. Determine the acceptable framework for behavior. The child must clearly understand what is allowed and what is not. Consistency is also important. If today the child is not allowed a chocolate bar for the night, it means that tomorrow, too, is not allowed, and in the following days, too.2. It should be remembered that the actions of a hyperactive child are not always intentional.
3. Do not go to extremes: you should not allow excessive permissiveness, but you should also not demand the performance of unbearable tasks.
4. Strictly enforce rules that affect your child's health and safety. Just do not overdo it, if there are too many rules, the hyperactive child will not be able to remember them.
5. By being persistent in fulfilling the requirements, do it in a neutral tone, with the same words, restrained, calmly, automatically. Try not to speak more than 10 words.
6. Support verbal demands with visual examples of how to do the right thing.
7. You should not demand from the child the simultaneous execution of accuracy, attentiveness and perseverance.
8. Don't insist on a mandatory apology for wrongdoing.
9. React to the child's wrong behavior in an unexpected way: repeat after the child his actions, take a picture of him, joke, leave him alone (just not in a dark place).
10.
Stick to a daily routine. Meals, walks, games, and other activities should follow the same schedule. A hyperactive child cannot be removed from fulfilling the requirements usual for other children, he must be able to cope with them.
11. Do not let your child take on a new business until he has completed the first.
12. Inform your child in advance about the time frame for his play activities and set the alarm. When the timer is reminded of the expiration, rather than the parent, the child's aggressiveness is lower.
13. Do not allow your child to be at the computer and TV for a long time, especially if he is watching programs of aggressive and negative content.
14. Try to provide your child with long walks in the fresh air every day.
15. For hyperactive children, physical activities such as boxing and power wrestling are undesirable.
16. It is more effective to convince the child through bodily rewards: Praise the child by hugging him.
17.
There should be less punishments than rewards.
18. Also reward your child for what they already do well by smiling or touching.
19. Encouragement may include providing opportunities to do what the child is interested in.
20. Remember that censure affects hyperactive children more than other children.
21. Do not use assault. If there is a need for punishment, then for a hyperactive child it will be punishment to stop his violent activities, forced isolation and house arrest.
22. As a punishment, a ban may be: watching TV, playing games at the computer, telephone conversations.
23. After the punishment, have a conversation with the child. He must understand and remember why he was punished and what behavior is not encouraged.
24. The child should have his own household responsibilities, like the rest of the family. For example, tidying up the bed, arranging toys, putting clothes in their place. Important! Parents do not have to fulfill these responsibilities for the child.
25. Make sure your child gets enough sleep. Lack of sleep leads to an even greater weakening of attention and self-control. By the evening, the child can become completely uncontrollable.
26. The child should not be constantly agitated. Active and calm activities should be alternated. If a child has been playing with children on the street for two hours, he should not immediately watch cartoons about superheroes, and then invite his friends home in the evening to play hide and seek.
27. Try to avoid large crowds. Shopping centers and markets where crowds of people stroll unnecessarily excite the child.
28. Instill in the child an interest in an activity. It is important for a hyperactive child to feel capable of something.
29. Hug your child more often. Experts say that for mental well-being, each person, and even more so a child, needs at least 4 hugs a day.
30. In the evening, for better relaxation and calming, it is good for the child to do massage and read fairy tales.
31. A positive psychological climate is important in the family. Support, a calm and kind attitude towards the child and among family members is the basis for the child's future achievements.
32. Do not quarrel in the presence of the child.
33. Spend leisure time with the whole family more often.