Women often ask themselves about the unwillingness of men to look them in the eye. This behavior is frustrating and insecure about your female attractiveness. The guy who hides his eyes is especially puzzling if the girl feels that he is not indifferent to her. But she also understands that she can wishful thinking and make mistakes about a man's love. To understand his feelings, she needs additional guidance and concrete confirmation.
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Most people don't like eye contact during a conversation, and the strong half of the population is no exception. In normal communication, people do not look intently into the eyes, making do with fleeting glances. Couples in love and people who do not hide their sexual interest are prone to long and lasting contact.
Everyone understands the importance of eye contact, but many feel uncomfortable and avert their eyes to the side, experiencing a feeling similar to embarrassment. In addition, direct gaze can be easily confused with aggressiveness, and people do not want to be thought of as shameless and overly persistent individuals.
Often a person does not want to look the interlocutor in the eye, because he does not want to be read like an open book.
The psychology of the male gaze is not much different from the general one. But besides the well-known facts, the stronger sex does not want to show some women their feelings. Looking a guy in the eyes, the girl will see interest and desire in them, and the man is not ready for her to find out about his sympathy, since he has nothing to offer her yet.
A man in love looks away for the following reasons:
- 1. Doesn't want the girl to think that she is only interested in him sexually.
- 2. Afraid to see indifference in the eyes of her beloved.
- 3. He wants to confess his love, but does not dare to do so yet.
Many girls mistakenly believe that if a guy looks away, then he is insincere or wants to cheat. Psychologists disagree with this opinion, and consider the reluctance to make eye contact quite natural and advise not to cheat yourself.
Reasons for not wanting eye contact
The eyes are incapable of lying - everyone knows that. They connect a person with the outside world and reflect his state of mind. Many do not want to reveal their souls even to close people, let alone unfamiliar people. Those who have something to hide do not like to look in the eyes, for example:
- treason;
- lying;
- the desire to part forever;
- your bad mood;
- mental pain.
If on a date a man looks away, and it was he who initiated the meeting, the guy is just shy and shy in the presence of the girl. He fears that she will see the sparkle and desire in his eyes ahead of time and consider them for lust, therefore he hides them from the interlocutor.
If the relationship has not reached a more intimate level, the man looks away for the following reasons:
| Cause | Explanation |
| Puts himself above others | He believes that looking "eye to eye" humiliates him or puts him down a notch |
| Doesn't take the girl seriously | She is "invisible" to him and does not cause the slightest interest in him |
| Hides boredom and lack of interest | Lack of eye contact hides boredom and desire to leave as soon as possible. |
| Gets nervous | With prolonged eye contact, he begins to get nervous, irritation and a desire to leave appears. |
| Wants to hide her emotions | One glance can provide more information than a few minutes of communication. A man does not want to give out too much information about himself, and believes that a woman will misunderstand his look |
| His eyes are too piercing | The guy knows that his heavy and piercing gaze confuses people and avoids close attention. |
| Rich fantasy | She interferes with adequately assessing the situation, and the guy is worried that he will misunderstand the girl, passing off wishful thinking |
Blinking his eyes when talking to a woman, he feels confused and has no further plan of action. When he looks to the left and then to the right (or vice versa), he is confused and tries to find at least some words. A man, when he meets his eyes, is embarrassed if a woman is just a friend to him.
Eye contact turns out to interfere with concentration.
Many during a conversation try not to look the person with whom they are talking in the eyes. There are several versions regarding the nature of this phenomenon. Some experts believe that people who avoid direct eye contact fear being caught in a lie. According to other scientists, it is due to the fear that too intent gaze will be regarded as an intrusiveness or threat. However, a study by Japanese specialists from Kyoto University showed that both of these versions are probably wrong.
Scientists conducted a series of experiments with 26 volunteers. They were asked to name associations to certain words while on the monitor in front of them the automatically created using computer program faces of people. In some, these faces "looked" to the side, and in some - directly at the research participant.
According to experts, the need to look someone in the eye did not interfere with the volunteers, if it was not difficult for them to come up with an association by the way. For example, people who were asked to come up with a verb associated with the word "knife" rather quickly gave an answer - for example, "cut." However, if the associations were less obvious, or there were so many of them that it was difficult to choose one, the participants were significantly faster to determine the answer, if they did not need to look “in the eyes” of the image in front of them.
Based on the findings, the researchers hypothesized that eye contact distracts a person and prevents all thoughts from being directed to anything else, including the topic of conversation. This means that many people do not make eye contact during dialogue in order not to "overload" their brains unnecessarily.
His scientific work scientists published in the journal Cognition. Experts also recall that earlier the effect of eye contact on the mind was revealed in another study - then researchers from Italy found that some people who were asked to look someone in the eyes for ten minutes, some time after the start of such a "session" began to see hallucinations.
Today psychology is on an equal footing with the rest of the sciences, but this was not always the case. It used to be considered useless. Only recently have we begun to understand how studying behavior and relationships can help people gain self-confidence, overcome fears, and gain respect and authority.
Psychology claims that in a conversation with an interlocutor, it is more important not what you are talking about, but how you do it. The main criterion is the look. Nothing can be more honest than an open and calm gaze.
How to look in the eyes
If you know how to look into the eyes correctly, then you will achieve a lot in life. After all, a look can not only gain trust, but also control people's behavior. Therefore, many managers today successfully master this technique of managing subordinates.
How to look in the eyes correctly so that you are not mistaken for an ill-mannered person looking appearance interlocutor. A few tips from psychologists will help you not to get into an awkward situation:
- Don't look constantly. It is enough 2/3 of the conversation time to direct the gaze to the eyes of the interlocutor.
- There is no need to make a gaze. Don't show your arrogance.
- Make the look soft and kind, so you will win over the interlocutor.
- Do not look sideways, sideways, or squinting your eyes.
- Listen to the interlocutor. Don't just focus on the look.
- Remember to smile genuinely when appropriate.
- If you are an insecure person, then the look will give it away. Start believing in yourself and you will succeed.
The ability to correctly stop your eyes on the interlocutor and conduct a conversation will help you quickly move up the career ladder, win the trust and love of others.
If you look in the eyes is scary
Often our complexes and fears prevent us from establishing contact with people. Even if we want to communicate, we still don't know how to do it. In this case, it’s scary not only to raise a topic of conversation, but to just look people in the eye.
What are we afraid of. That they will refuse to communicate with us, show their contempt or disinterest in the person. All these fears are nothing more than far-fetched. And they will pass if you take up your self-esteem.
To learn not to be afraid to look people in the eye, there are several techniques:
- Train your eyes. Start doing this in front of the mirror, and after a while move on to others. The point is not to take your eyes off the person for as long as possible. Later it will become a habit, and you yourself will not notice that you openly look into the eyes of the interlocutor.
- Become a spectator. If you think that only you are inherent to feel fear during communication, then you are mistaken. Surely in the environment there are the same insecure people. Take a closer look, find them and watch how they try to please you.
- Remember when you were at your best, were able to achieve something and were proud of yourself. Fix this moment with some simple gesture, for example, crossing your fingers. Train your brain so that every time it performs this movement, it brings the mind to the desired state.
- During the conversation, imagine that you put your hand on the person's shoulder. This will help you relax and feel confident.
- Communicate more. In psychology, the problem is solved by aggravating it. The person is lowered into an uncomfortable environment, where the inner reserve of strength is activated. The more you communicate, the faster you will find out that you are an interesting person.
If a person starts a conversation with you, then you are appealing to him. Don't forget about it. And your uncertain look can only repel. Therefore, it is necessary to increase self-esteem in your own interests, or you will not achieve heights.
Learning to look and speak
It is very difficult to do these two things at the same time. You focus on one thing and lose control over the other. Only experience will help to correct the situation. But psychologists also have good advice for this case.
What will help you learn to look in the eyes:
- When communicating with the interlocutor, take all his words to heart. So you will involuntarily direct a look at him that will be full of sincerity and understanding.
- Pay attention to the interlocutor's gestures and the expression on his face, they can clarify those points that were not clear to you in the conversation.
- Only say what you feel. This way you won't get confused by your own words.
- If you have an important conversation, then make a plan in advance that you will stick to. Rehearsal in front of the mirror will not be superfluous.
The ability to look people in the eye does not come immediately. You will have to go through a lot, overcome insecurity and fear. But, only by stepping over yourself, you can achieve what you were not capable of before.
Why doesn't a person look in the eyes? Many people believe that this is a sign of a desire to deceive, to mislead. This assumption may be true, but there are other reasons that lead people to avoid eye contact with the other person. We will consider possible options in the article.
Why does a person not look in the eyes: possible reasons
So what causes people to give up eye contact? Why doesn't a person make eye contact when communicating with other people? Possible reasons are as follows:
- self-doubt;
- irritation;
- unwillingness to delve into the conversation;
- lack of sympathy for the interlocutor;
- too intensive information flow;
- deception.
Each situation deserves a more detailed consideration.
Self-doubt
Why doesn't a person look into the eyes of the other person when talking? The reason may lie in the banal self-doubt. It is difficult for a person suffering from complexes to establish contact with others, including visual contact. He is constantly busy worrying about how other people will react to him, his words and actions.
How to understand that the reason lies precisely in self-doubt? Exists outward signsto help with this. Hunched shoulders, stooped back, too fast speech, constrained or scanty gestures - all this betrays a person.
Irritation
What other reasons are possible? Why doesn't a person make eye contact when talking? Irritation is another reason people tend to avoid eye contact. It is possible that persistent attempts by the interlocutor to catch his gaze cause stress in the person. It can also be assumed that the person does not like the direction the conversation is taking.
How to understand that we are talking about irritation? The movements of the object become sharper, the volume and intonation of the conversation change. You can also pay attention to the increased frequency of breathing, sweaty palms.
Unwillingness to delve into the conversation
Why does a person avoid eye contact? This may also be due to the fact that the topic raised by the interlocutor does not arouse him absolutely any interest. He finds the conversation boring, wants to end it as soon as possible.
How do you know if boredom is involved? The first sign is that the interlocutor begins to support his face with his hand. He can also yawn, throw expressive glances at the clock. A bored person is ready to switch to something more interesting at any moment, for example, to communicate with other people.
Lack of sympathy for the interlocutor
Why does a person try not to make eye contact? The reason may lie in the fact that he is unpleasant with the one with whom he is forced to communicate. It doesn't matter what exactly caused the antipathy. People are extremely reluctant to let those who do not like them catch their eyes.
How do you know if the problem is antipathy? The person tries to move as far as possible from the interlocutor, as if fencing off from him. He can also cover his eyes, scratch his nose, shake off non-existent dust particles. Crossing your arms over your chest also serves as a signal of antipathy.
Intense information flow
What does a few seconds of close eye contact lead to? A person receives too much information. This can be compared to the result of many hours of frank communication. Sometimes even close friends in a confidential conversation look away. This allows you to be distracted, to digest the information received.
Cheating
Why don't some people make eye contact when communicating? This may also indicate that they are not telling the truth. Eyes are the mirror of the soul, it is they that allow you to display on clean water a liar. Most of the deceivers look away, try to avoid eye contact.
What other signs of lying are there? Subject begins to bring hands to face. He can rub his nose, cover his mouth, cover his ear. The liar's speech can suddenly speed up, he takes a lot of pauses in order to collect his thoughts and evaluate the opponent's reaction. His story is full of unnecessary details, with the help of which he tries to make it more believable.
It should also be understood that the intentions of the person who looks away during a conversation does not necessarily include deceiving the interlocutor. It is possible that he simply does not want to let him in on some secret, to share information.
Types of human perception
Should all people look their interlocutors in the eye? Why doesn't a person make eye contact when talking? Psychology is a science that allows you to divide people into groups according to the type of perception. Four such groups can be distinguished, and each of them has specific features.
- Visual. Studies have shown that about thirty percent of the world's population belongs to this type. Such people definitely need to consider everything. Is it any wonder that they look straight in the eye. This allows them to read all the information.
- Audial. About ten percent of people belong to this type. As a rule, they avert their eyes from the interlocutor, as they simply do not feel the need for eye contact. An important role for them is played by the voice of the person with whom they communicate. They unconsciously pay attention to its timbre, melody, coloring.
- Kinesthetic. There are about forty percent of such people on our planet. For them, it is not eye contact that is important, but touch. Kinesthetics unconsciously try to touch the person they are communicating with. They also pay attention to smell, movement.
- Digital. About twenty percent of people belong to this type. They try to find meaning in everything. It is important for the digital to understand what the object that attracted his attention is.
Men and women
Why do people hesitate to look in the eyes, look away? If we are talking about a representative of the stronger sex, then this may indicate falling in love. However, the lack of eye contact can also mean that the man is hostile, experiencing aggression. To understand the true feelings of the interlocutor, his pupils will help. If a man feels sympathy, then they expand. If he is angry, the pupils narrow.
Why don't women look in the eyes of the interlocutor? If a lady lowers her eyelashes, it may mean that she is flirting. However, if she looks up, and not at the object of attention, this indicates a lack of romantic intentions. A woman is looking for benefits, and her eyes betray her.
People of different nationalities
The habit of looking or not looking the other person in the eye also depends on the nationality of the person. For example, the Chinese traditionally look at the bottom of the face of the person with whom they are in dialogue. The Japanese do not consider interlocutors, since this is unacceptable according to etiquette. Representatives of Latin American and European countries, on the contrary, consider it normal to look in the eyes when speaking.
Regardless of nationality, people may view eye contact as trying to impose their opinion.
When a person does not look into the eyes during communication, there is often a feeling of understatement, as if he is hiding something. And usually this intuitive feeling does not deceive.
When a teenager doesn't make eye contact
When it comes to children, especially adolescents - this situation often arises. Parents begin to notice that their daughter or son avoids direct gaze when talking, taking their eyes to the side or lowering them "to the floor." When direct question children respond that they are uncomfortable looking in the eyes. Why it happens?
Usually, this behavior is preceded by some event, especially if the child previously looked calmly into the eyes, and then suddenly suddenly began to feel awkward with visual contact. Think about what it could be.
Specifically in such a phenomenon there may be many separate reasons or their whole complex.
During this period of time, adolescents have their first love, the body changes, "hormones play" - as if the environment is changing the whole world, and they do not know how to hide it and how to adapt themselves to the many changes. It is important to give time to come to his senses - by the age of 16-17, the child adapts to his new state and learns to communicate adequately.
When an adult doesn't make eye contact
When an adult avoids looking into the eyes - either he does not want to see something in you, or he does not want to show something in himself, he is uncomfortable, because a huge stream of information flows through his eyes.
Maybe at this moment he experiences emotions that he does not want to share with you for any reason. For example, he may be angry with you or jealous of you.
No wonder they say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul, sometimes they can tell the observer more than their owner would like.
When talking with a friend or girlfriend, averting his eyes to the side, a person may try to preserve his personal boundaries, he is uncomfortable to open up completely. At some moments, he may feel emotions that he would like to contain and, avoiding a direct glance, he tries to do it.
Attempts to put accents on the face (glasses, beard, long bangs, a low cap pulled down) is also a way to distract attention from direct visual contact, the preference to remain more autonomous, solitary, protected.
What if the person does not make eye contact?
Do not support him in this game, do not look away in return, behave as always. Do not press on him, he is uncomfortable. Most likely, something in your behavior triggers an attempt to fence off - perhaps you are asking unwanted questions that may be unpleasant, too formal and intrusive for the interlocutor. Switch your attention to yourself, learn to talk about your thoughts and feelings.
Other reasons a person avoids eye contact
Other reasons overlap in one way or another with the above:
- Feeling insecure
When communicating, a person behaves nervously - he touches something, constantly touches his hair, experiences emotional excitement. Usually he does not look you in the eye because he does not know if he is behaving correctly in this situation.
- Shyness
An attempt to hide their feelings is characteristic of shy people, so a person does not look in the eyes.
- Irritation
Prolonged eye contact often causes irritation - the interlocutor begins to think that you are trying to unravel all his secrets,
- Piercing gaze
The owner of a heavy gaze is unpleasant to look into the eyes, as this causes discomfort
- Not interested
Sometimes avoiding eye contact means that the other person is simply not interested. This can be confirmed by yawning, frequent glancing at the clock, the invention of excuses to stop communication.
- A lot of information at once
A glance conveys a lot of information about another person, in order to assimilate it, you need to avert your eyes for a while.
