Of course, you noticed that from the point of view of relations with others, there are two types of people: those who decorate any company, with whom it is interesting and fun, and those who are little respected by the people around him. Why is this happening and how to communicate in such a way that you are respected? Start changing yourself, and do not change others, and then, over time, respect will come, and you will establish relationships with others.
If you want to feel full of vitality, emotionally stable and gain respect, you must first of all know yourself. Knowing yourself will help build relationships with others based on trust, love and respect, and shared goals.
The beauty of the mind is surprising, the beauty of the soul is respect.
Bernard le Beauvier de Fontenelle
1. Learn to listen to others.
Wait for your turn to speak, do not limit the other person's desire to communicate with you, do not interrupt him when he tells you something, even if you are not interested in it.
You can skillfully change the topic, but not abruptly cut off the interlocutor in mid-sentence.
This bad habit has ruined the life of more than one person. If you have one, then fight it.
43. Take up more space.
An insecure person is betrayed by his modest location in space. He sits on the edge of a chair, trying not to disturb anyone, elbows pinned, legs crossed under the chair.
Remember how you behave in a pleasant company. And try to take the same postures.
44. Maintain your posture, use less gestures.
If you are a leader, this should be your first rule. After all, the boss should look like the boss - serious, personable and bold.
45. Be sincere.
Even if you need to embellish something in order to make the right impression, don't do it. This will create a bad reputation for you.
46. \u200b\u200bDo not promise what you cannot fulfill.
Keep your word anytime, anywhere. Otherwise, you can be considered a talker.
In any workflow, there are times when your help may be needed. This is normal. But when helping colleagues, do not do it too emotionally.
Such a total surrender may seem like sycophant to some people. Others may think that you consider them incompetent employees or just stupid people. After all, only little kids who do not know how to do anything are so happy to help.
47. Learn to tactfully refuse - so as not to offend the person
After all, due to the fact that it is inconvenient to say "no", you may not have time to complete the task assigned to you. Politely apologize or offer help after you've done what your superiors have told you to do. See also: How to learn to say "no" - learning to refuse correctly.
If you are a leader, it is very important to learn how to protect your subordinates and defend their interests. This does not mean that you will constantly indulge them. This means that what you think about them creates better working conditions for them. Show your concern from the first day at work!
48. Work conscientiously.
If a beginner is a lazy person, then the whole team understands that the unfulfilled volumes will fall on their shoulders. And nobody wants to overextend.
49. Learn constantly.
Develop as a specialist, leader, and simply as a person. There is no limit to perfection, and your desire to grow will be appreciated.
Who is friends with whom, what are the conversations about, what people are here.
51. Don't gossip.
Every team has gossips. You shouldn't join them, but you shouldn't wage war with them either. Because you will lose anyway.
The best option is to listen to the person and leave under a respectful pretext. Under no circumstances and with anyone should you discuss the news you hear. After all, the ideal way to deal with gossip is complete ignorance.
52. Participate in a collective life - it strengthens the collective.
If everyone is going to a restaurant, to the theater, to the cinema, go to the cleanup with them.
53. Don't try to please everyone - it's impossible.
Be yourself. Because individuals with their opinions and ways of thinking are valued everywhere.
54. Know how to rejoice at the success of other people. This emphasizes your goodwill.
55. Accept criticism appropriately
You need to listen to it, and if you do not agree to calmly express your opinion. But do not shout, do not get personal and do not be offended.
56. Accept people for who they are
You should not impose your opinion, your own ways of solving problems and the organization of working moments. Everyone decides for himself how to live and how to work.
57. Immediately determine who you report to
And only follow the instructions of superior people. Since in almost any team there are fans to command newcomers.
58. Try not to show excitement - breathe deeply when speaking.
59. Don't make yourself a nerdy know-it-all. The first days, simplicity will not hurt.
60. Do not open up completely in front of colleagues.
And this rule applies not only to beginners. Not everyone needs to know what problems you have at home, what kind of relationship you have with your husband and children.
Why wash dirty linen in public? There is a world into which there is no entrance to outsiders. Let your colleagues only know about your marital status.
61. Do not engage in idle chatter in the workplace
Sad fact: instead of completing the assigned tasks, chatterboxes come to work just to chat. They try to fire these employees as soon as possible. Neither superiors nor colleagues like them.
62. Do Your Job Well
In any field of activity, the most respected are experts in their field. People love to compliment those who deserve them, such as those who always do well.
Just because you're new to the profession doesn't mean that you don't deserve respect. It's always hard to get started.
This came with experience and the realization that one should not stop on the path of self-improvement and this will bring the respect of others. This cannot be achieved in one evening, but if you gain the respect of people, it will be for a long time.
63. Respect Other People
Respect has two sides. If you want to be respected, you first need to learn to respect others.
If you all the time come across people who treat you without respect, remember those to whom you treated without respect. In any case, you will find at least one of these.
Instead of resenting how badly people treat you, try to behave well with those you mistreated. It will help you improve your relationship with everyone around you. When someone misbehaves towards me, I remember to whom I behaved in the same way, and then I try to improve relations with this person. This leads to positive changes in my relationships with others.
64. Keep promises
Nobody likes dishonest and unreliable people. Respect is deserved by someone who is honest with his interlocutors, who can be relied on and whose promises can be trusted. I believe that honesty is the first step towards achieving your higher self.
I always think about whether I can keep a promise before making it, and if I did, I will definitely keep it. If for some reason you cannot fulfill your obligations, be sure to find someone who can do it for you.
65. Accept criticism
Contrary to popular belief, being respected does not mean not being criticized. In fact, everything is exactly the opposite.
The more people know you and your work, the more criticism you get. People respect those who can take a negative assessment and get something positive from it.
66. Treat yourself with respect
It's funny how many people expect to be respected by other people, yet they don't respect themselves. Have you ever scolded yourself for no reason? Do you love yourself completely and unquestioningly? Are you exhausting yourself with lack of sleep, poor diet, or something similar?
If you don't respect yourself, you cannot count on other people's respect. Start by treating yourself with love. And after the love of oneself, the love of others will come.
67. Behave like a professional
This means dressing well, being well-mannered, speaking well, and following the rules of etiquette. If you don't know the rules of etiquette, you need to familiarize yourself with them. It will be useful to attend classes on the rules of etiquette, even if you have a rough idea of \u200b\u200bwhat they teach there.
When I was a student, I attended several of these classes on the topics of wine tasting, table behavior, first meeting behavior and much more. I believe they have benefited me. What is studied there is in no way higher mathematics and what has been learned helps in practice, when you know what you can and cannot do in a given situation.
68. Do not speak evil
It does not matter in which field of activity - both professional and social communication, don't talk bad about people. Backbiting will not earn other people's respect. If you have any complaints about a certain person or you do not like what he / she does, talk to that person.
Don't say bad things about him / her behind your back, because the discussion behind your back will lead to further gossip and omissions. Whether you realize it or not, this will not only show you the bad side, but also hurt that person. Be honest and candid with the people you have to communicate with.
69. Stand up for your beliefs
Have you met people who, without thinking, easily agree with everything, no matter what they are told? I have come across such, and at the end-end, their agreement ceases to matter.
Personally, I have more respect for someone who (politely) disagrees and defends their position than for someone who always sings along with others.
Only having your own own opinion and thinking with your head, you can gain the respect of the people around you. Don't be afraid to stand up for your beliefs. At the same time, make sure you do it politely and do not offend others.
70. Be yourself
It is always better to be the original of yourself than to be an exact likeness of someone else. People respect individuals who are not trying to imitate anyone.
So many people try their best to be who they are not, and in the end they lose their own face. Find yourself, understand what you are. The world needs people who are themselves, not clones of each other.
71. Be an example to others
Actions speak more than words. Are you setting an example for others by your behavior? Do you adhere to established norms of behavior? Do you earn respect by backing up words with deeds?
A person who is respected by other people, by his personal example pushes others to good and right deeds.
Conclusion
If you have self-esteem, there is a very high chance that you want others to treat you with respect. It is clear that age is not a prerequisite or a magic key that can be used to open the casket with respect of others when communicating with them. It all depends on how you behave, how you will treat others and what actions you will perform.
Respect is earned by deeds, not gained over the years.
Frank Lloyd Wright
In this article, we looked at ways to become a person who is respected by the people around you when communicating with them. These tips are suitable for everyone, regardless of age or social status.
We all sometimes have to deal with completely unbearable people. How to properly build a dialogue with them? Why are appeals to act sensibly in these cases not working? These and other questions are answered by psychiatrist and consultant Mark Goulston in his book "How to talk to assholes: what to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life." We publish some interesting excerpts from it.
This book focuses on the principles of behavior with people who behave irrationally. But when planning a conversation with such a person, do not forget to ask yourself: why would you interact with him at all? Do you have a good enough reason? And wouldn't you better stay away from him? Often the answer is obvious: because you love this person. Either you depend on him financially, or are connected by some other circumstances. But it happens that everything is not so simple. The relationship with such a person may not be very important to you, and then it turns out that you are only wasting time. In this case, your behavior should also be considered insane ...
Having worked as a psychiatrist for decades, I can say that I understand madmen, including deeply sick people. What I mean? For example, one of my patients was chasing Britney Spears, and another jumped from the fifth floor because he believed he could fly. Another one called me one day from a prison in the Dominican Republic and told me that he got there, intending to start a revolution. In addition, I have worked with anorexic patients who weighed less than 40 kilograms, heroin addicts and schizophrenic patients experiencing hallucinations. I taught negotiators how to get the murder-obsessed hostage-taking terrorists to surrender. Now I am showing company directors and top managers how to deal with people who threaten business. Simply put, the abnormal and I have long ago switched to "you".
But recently an interesting thought came to me: I expect to meet a psycho every day, because this is my job. However, I suddenly realized how often do you have to deal with madmen - not jumping out of balconies or intimidating Britney Spears, but those whom I call everyday psychos.
An insight hit me when I went to a meeting of developers and their lawyers who needed advice on helping families in a crisis. I expected a boring meeting, but their stories fascinated me. I found that these people daily "talk to crazy"- just like me! Almost every situation discussed involved clients who were completely insane. These lawyers had no problem making a will or establishing a trust fund. But they didn't know what to do if a client turns into a psycho, - and desperately wanted to know ...
By the way, about the word "psycho": I understand that it sounds provocative and politically incorrect. But when I use it, I do not mean mentally ill people ... Any of us at some point can behave like crazy. When I say "crazy" or "crazy," I mean that the person is behaving irrationally. there is four signs that the people you deal with are irrational:
- they do not have a clear picture of the world;
- they say or do things that don't make sense;
- they make decisions or take actions that are not in their own interests;
- when you try to put them back on the path of prudence, they become completely unbearable ...
The tools I will talk about when using require courage. Because you won't just ignore the psychos and wait for them to leave. You will not argue with them or try to convince them. Instead, you will have to feel crazy and start acting the same way.
Years ago, someone explained to me what to do when the dog grabs your hand... If you trust your instincts and pull your hand back, the dog will sink its teeth even deeper. But if you use a non-obvious solution and push your hand deeper into the throat, the dog will loosen its grip. Why? Because the dog wants to swallow, for which he needs to relax the jaw. then you will pull out your hand.
You can interact with irrational people in a similar way. If you treat them like they are crazy and you are not, they will only sink deeper into crazy thoughts. But if you yourself start acting like a nutcase, it will dramatically change the situation. Here's an example.
After one of the most disgusting days of my life, on the way home, I was concentrating on the troubles that had befallen me and drove the car on autopilot. Unfortunately for me, all of this happened during an extremely dangerous rush hour for California. At some point, I accidentally cut a pickup truck in which a big man and his wife were sitting. He honked angrily and I waved my hand to show that I was sorry. But then - just a couple of kilometers later - I cut it again.
Then the man overtook me and abruptly stopped the truck in front of my car, forcing me to pull over to the side of the road. When I slowed down, I saw his wife gesturing frantically, asking him not to get out of the car. Of course, he did not pay attention to her and after a few moments was already on the road - under two meters tall and weighing 140 kilograms. He abruptly approached me and began to knock on the glass, shouting curses.
I was so overwhelmed that I even lowered the glass to hear it. Then I waited for him to pause to pour more bile over me afterwards. And when he paused to catch his breath, I said to him, “Have you ever had such a terrible day that you just hoped that someone would pull out a gun, shoot you, and end all suffering? Is this someone you? "
His jaw dropped. "What?" - he asked. Up to this point, I was acting very stupid. But suddenly I did something brilliant. In some incredible way, despite my dimmed consciousness, I said exactly what was needed. I did not try to negotiate with this frightening man - most likely, instead of answering, he would have pulled me out of the car and hit me in the face with his huge fist. I didn't try to resist. I just got as crazy and hit him with his own weapon.
He stared at me and I spoke again: “Yes, I'm serious. I don't usually cut people and I never cut someone twice before. It's just that today is such a day when it doesn't matter what I do or who I meet - including you! - everything goes awry. Will you become the person who will mercifully end my existence? " He immediately changed, calmed down and began to cheer me up: “Hey. What are you, boy, - he said. - Everything will be OK. Fair! Relax, everyone has bad days. "
I continued my tirade: “It's easy for you to say! You didn't ruin everything you touched today, unlike me. I don’t think that anything will be good for me. Will you help me?" He continued enthusiastically: “No, really. I am not kidding! Everything will be alright. Have a rest". We talked for a few more minutes. Then he returned to the truck, said something to his wife and waved me in the mirror, as if to say: “Remember. Take it easy. Everything will be fine". And he left.
Now I am not proud of this story. To be honest, the guy in the pickup truck wasn't the only irrational person on the road that day. But here's what I'm getting at. That big guy could have knocked my lungs off. And, perhaps, I would have done it if I tried to reason with him or argue with him. But I met him in his reality where I was bad man and he had every reason to hit me. Instinctively using a technique that I call aggressive submission, I turned him from enemy to ally in less than a minute. Fortunately, my reaction was natural, even on that really bad day. This happened because, over the years as a psychiatrist, I put myself in the shoes of madmen. I've done this thousands of times, in many different ways, and I knew it worked. Moreover, I know it will work for you too. The psycho mask is a strategy you can use with any irrational person. For example, to talk:
- with a partner who yells at you or refuses to talk to you;
- with a child screaming "I hate you!" or “I hate myself!”;
- with an aging parent who thinks you don't give a damn about him
- with an employee who is constantly limp at work;
- with a manager who is always trying to hurt you.
It doesn't matter what type of psychos you are dealing with - learning to go crazy yourself will allow you to get rid of failed communication strategies and get through to people. As a result, you will be able to get involved in almost any emotional situation and feel confident and in control of everything.
1. Understand that the person you are facing is incapable of rational thinking in this situation. Realize that the deep roots of his irrationality lie more in the distant (or not very distant) past, and not in the present moment, so now you can hardly argue or change his mind.
2. Define the other person's modus operandi - a unique set of actions that they use when they are not themselves. His strategy is to throw you off balance, make you angry, afraid, frustrated, or guilty. Once you understand the course of action, you will feel calmer, more focused, and in control of the situation, and you will be able to choose the appropriate counter strategy.
3. Realize that insane behavior does not concern you. But it says a lot about the person you are dealing with. If you stop taking his words personally, you will deprive your opponent of an important weapon. At the same time, use the necessary psychological tools during the conversation, they will keep you from falling into madness. These tools will help you avoid “amygdala hijacking,” an intense emotional response to a sudden threat. Coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, the term describes a condition in which the amygdala - the part of your brain responsible for the formation of fear - blocks rational thinking.
4. Talk to an irrational person, plunging into the world of his madness, calmly and objectively. First, take the person's innocence for granted. This means that you have to believe that the person is actually kind, and there is a reason for his behavior. Try not to condemn, but to understand what caused this reason. Second, imagine that you are experiencing the same emotions: aggression, misunderstanding, threat.
5. Show that you are an ally, not an enemy: calmly and carefully listen to the person while he blows off steam. Instead of interrupting, let him speak. so you surprise the person who is waiting for a retaliatory attack and get closer to him. You can even apologize. And the more attentively and sensitively you reflect the emotions of your opponent, the sooner he will begin to listen to you.
6. When the person has calmed down, help them take more intelligent action. These steps are the basis of most psychological technicianwhich I will teach you (although variations are possible: for example, when dealing with bullies, manipulators or psychopaths). However, keep in mind that going through the cycle of prudence with an irrational person is not always easy and fun, and this technique does not always work instantly. And, as with everything in our life, there is a risk that it will not work at all (and there is even a possibility that the situation will worsen). But if you are trying desperately to reach out to someone who is difficult or impossible to control, this method is probably the best choice.
Mark Goulston
First, let's try to understand the reasons for your irritation. Why does this or that person evoke negative emotions, and sometimes frankly infuriate. And together with a psychologist, we will learn how to properly respond to stimuli.
Why do some people annoy us?
You will be surprised, but usually we are annoyed by people who have the qualities that we ourselves have. For example, you generally have a hard time getting along with people. Over time, they joined the team, separated from colleagues and became a communicative person. But then a newcomer appeared in the team, who, like you once shuns everyone, talks little and does not share intimate secrets in the kitchen. This person begins to irritate you because you are very similar to him. But you don't want to see it.
Alternatively, we are annoyed by people who behave in ways we cannot afford. For example, you are never late and always arrive even a few minutes earlier. And you are very annoyed by your friend who constantly lingers for 5-10 minutes. Yes, she is doing the wrong thing here, but she begins to annoy you not because she is so rude, but because you cannot afford to be late! Moreover, you cannot even afford to come on time, and once again you came 3 minutes earlier!
How to deal with people who annoy you
Understand what is within your power and what is not. When you are near a person who annoys you, or talking to him on the phone, remember: at this moment you cannot do anything to change him! Instead of experiencing negative emotions and poisoning yourself, accept that you are powerless, you will not change a person.
But what you can change, since this is your attitude towards him! Learn to control your emotions, take a deep breath and simply ask yourself: "Is this person worth the experiences that you are now experiencing?" Exhale, smile internally to yourself and continue communication in complete calmness and indifference.
For example, during a new meeting with the irritant, say, “We have a business conversation today about plans for the next quarter. I ask you to speak on the topic and keep yourself in control! For me jokes in my direction and impudent comments are unacceptable! " And there is no need to explain why something is unacceptable for you and what will happen if a person crosses the border. This phrase must remain unsaid. Thus, you will make it clear to your offender that jokes with you are bad, you are serious about your work, and also that you are in charge here and it is you who set the rules of the game!
Ignore the unpleasant person
First, nothing is as annoying as ignoring! Want to annoy your abuser? Ignore it! Secondly, you make it clear that you do not care about your irritant, all his attempts to spoil your mood will not be crowned with success! This is one of the most effective ways, thanks to which you not only manage to thwart the insidious plan of your irritant, but also get rid of it for a long time!
Learn to filter what is said
Were you offended by speaking badly about you? What does this person say about others? Perhaps he does this to everyone, is he just an ill-mannered and uncouth boor? Then why pay attention to him at all and turn on in response to his provocations? Has someone started to annoy you? Ask what other people think of him. If many people have the same opinion of him, then you are just one of the many victims with whom a person wants to play his sick game!
Work on yourself
The most important point. At the beginning of the article, we talked about the fact that we are annoyed by people who are either our copies or do what we cannot afford! Well then! Then the way out is obvious.
Take the time, grab a pen and paper, and write down what exactly annoys you about a particular person. Then ask yourself if you have the same qualities? Honestly! Once you've identified the general qualities, develop a plan to get rid of them.
If you are annoyed by someone who does things that you cannot afford, then start allowing yourself to do so! I do not urge to be late! But, if you know that the person is late, do not rush to meet him! Just understand that this person will come at least 5 minutes later, which means that you may be late for the same period of time!
And if it repeats itself over and over again, warn that you don't like it and ask to keep track of the time.
psychologist Vlada Bereznyanskaya
Our world is imperfect. Some of the people around us are capable of causing irritation and even anger in us. Likewise, we, in turn, can become the cause of the dissatisfaction of other people. We do not like those who constantly gossip, do not understand our humor, climb with stupid questions and unnecessary advice, impose their communication.
Figure: What is the right way to deal with people you don't like?
Surely everyone wondered how in relation to those who do not evoke sympathy. Meanwhile, smart people communicate not only with those they like, but also with people who are far from sympathetic to them. However, their communication is structured correctly, they know exactly how to conduct a conversation. So, below are some recommendations for communicating with people who annoy you.
don't ignore
When communicating with people you don't like, you can simply ignore them, swallow their inappropriate jokes, ignore inadequate criticism addressed to you. But experts say that constantly suppressing irritation is unhealthy. The ideal way out is to tactfully make it clear that you cannot "sit on your neck." But you should not completely refuse to communicate with such people. Yes, it is not easy, but necessary! After all, such people are a kind of catalyst that prompts us to a comprehensive understanding of certain situations that.
Limit your expectations
Many of us, in certain situations, expect from the surrounding actions that we ourselves would have done in similar circumstances. We also expect from other certain words in our address. But all people are different. Everyone has their own life experience and character, which dictates the reaction to the events taking place around. Therefore, it is foolish to expect other specific actions that you would like to observe in a particular situation.
Be polite
You should not openly show your antipathy to the person. Even if he is disgusting to you, show tact and courtesy. After all, the interlocutor is guided, first of all, by your attitude towards him and, accordingly, will also relate to you. By being rude, you are likely to receive the same rudeness in return.
Remember, the more polite you communicate, the more tolerant the interlocutors treat you. At the same time, it is very important to be able to properly manage your facial expressions, which can give out your true attitude towards a person. Therefore, try to perceive the interlocutor as a professional and express a positive attitude towards him with the help of facial expressions.
Analyze yourself
In a conversation with a person you hate, it is important to establish control over your emotions. When communicating, think not about how annoying the interlocutor is, but about why you react to it that way. Psychologists have noticed that we often do not accept traits in others that are unpleasant to us in ourselves. Hence the conclusion: people we hate do not contribute to the generation of irritation in us, they only awaken it, provoking the mechanisms of anger and anger to work at full capacity.
Talk about your needs
If people you don't like constantly hurt you and you can't deal with your anger, let them know that communicating with them is problematic for you. But do not stoop to accusations and insults. Instead, it is better to use templates such as: "When you ..., then I feel ...". After such a statement, you should take a break and wait for the person's response. Believe me, after such phrases, a person will begin to behave in a different way towards you.
In conclusion, advice: if no methods for getting rid of the strongest irritation when communicating with certain people do not help, you need to distance yourself from them. Create a distance between yourself and the person you hate. You always have the right to choose with whom to communicate and with whom not ...
In most cases, arrogance can indicate an excessive need for self-esteem and a desire to be the center of attention. In its extreme form, it can turn into narcissism, which is the cause of many problems, from anxiety and depression to the inability to maintain healthy and fulfilling relationships. While normal levels of self-esteem and self-confidence are essential for people who want to function fully, there is a line between these characteristics and overconfidence.
Most of you have probably had a meeting with a self-centered person. The first advice for dealing with such people is to try to stay away from them or to draw clear boundaries, as they can become energy vampires. But if you absolutely have to deal with them, here are a few ways to help you understand why they act the way they do. This will give you the skills to deal with self-centered people.
Key characteristics of self-centered people :
- Arrogant people take too many measures to protect their image. Their universe is usually small, with statements where there are too many "shoulds". They have idealistic views as well as a need to impose and make others believe their universe is better. They usually don't like you unless you bribe them with something.
- They usually have a lot of friends, but this is a superficial relationship, because friendship is mostly about quantity, not quality. Self-centered people can be charming, but according to the circumstances. They may have found a way to attract many people into their world, but usually those who feed on their arrogance. They feel inferior, so they use other people, which will assert itself at their expense.
- They are intolerant of other views, devalue and put them in a lesser place. Egocentrists lack inner confidence; they replace this feeling with a feeling of superiority, humiliating others. Moreover, they do not perceive different points of view. They usually have their own, clearly fixed. Therefore, they always sharply criticize those who do not share their views.
- They cannot maintain long-term relationships. For egocentric people, people are either very good or very bad, depending on who admires them and who does not. In other words, if you praise and admire, you are very good manif not, then nothing, unworthy of attention.
- They cannot feel sincere sympathy. It's hard for self-centered people to have a real sense of empathy. Even if they do it, then conditionally, depending on what they get from the source they empathize with.
- They may have low self-esteem. Self-esteem is how well self-esteem is developed. For the arrogant type, there are many holes in this area that need to be filled.
- Self-centered people, as a rule, look confident, so they are ready to do everything to make their person perfect. But if you look deep inside, there is a real sense of inadequacy.
- They make no attempt to change themselves because they never admit their guilt in anything. Therefore, self-healing or therapy will not be helpful for them.
- Self-centered people usually maximize their contributions and minimize others. They expect too much compared to what they are willing to give. This is the type who thinks that his government, society, the people around him and the world owe him. While any sane person acting as a member of society compares the level of costs and benefits in different situations, the person with self-centeredness seeks huge benefits with minimal effort, and usually at the expense of others.
What to do :
- Don't be their door rug, draw clear boundaries.
- If you need to defend yourself, be short and precise, as self-centered people are not the best listeners.
- Don't buy their arrogance, don't feed them excessive self-worth, and don't be sincere.
- If you find yourself in a position in which you must assert yourself, do not attack them, but show that you do not agree.
- Don't get attached to them.
- Be reasonable and tolerant.
- Please be patient.
- Learn to objectively observe and evaluate your behavior.
Try not to hate selfish people. Have compassion as they usually had a past that created the wrong type of self-defense regime. Everyone has flaws, and self-centered people do not have the skills to deal with these problems effectively. Instead of honestly admitting and trying to fix them, they hide their problems. After all, remember, you can have compassion for someone, but at the same time hold them accountable for their actions and have clear self-restraints.