Simple politeness. Basic rules of courtesy and etiquette

How nice it is to hear polite phrases from your baby: "Thank you", "Please", "Be kind"; see expressions of gratitude in response to care! In order for a child to learn polite words and expressions from early childhood, their constant use in speech by people around them is necessary. Then the baby will absorb everything like a sponge. However, politeness for children lies not only in memorized phrases, but also in tactful behavior, which also depends on the actions of adults. Only by your own example can you develop good manners in a baby.

What is politeness, what role does it play in a person's life

Important! Before teaching politeness lessons for children, parents themselves need to understand very well what politeness is. The main thing in raising a baby is not only to know how good manners are formed, but also to have them yourself.

Politeness - the most important quality of an educated person, which helps to establish moral balance, to facilitate the further path in life. In ancient times, the word "vezha" was used to describe a connoisseur who knows the rules of decency, who knows how to express a benevolent attitude towards other people. And today, communicating with a well-mannered person, you feel his goodwill, while a conversation with him brings joy and positive. At the same time, everyone in life has come across people who have a lot of positive qualities, but if they do not have good manners, then troubles begin. At the same time, if good manners are only pretense, a means of achieving their own goals, such tact does not create trust. Therefore, politeness is not a necessary measure of communication with people, it must proceed from the inner state of a person, from his general goodwill towards everything around him. The famous clergyman Francis of Assisi rightly said: "Politeness is closely connected with love. She is her younger sister, always accompanies her, and opens the gates of hearts to her."

Where to start educating politeness

Many parents have a question how to teach their child politeness and good manners. Psychologists say that politeness for children begins with "magic" words. From an early age, the child needs to be explained that in different situations it is necessary to say: thank you, please, sorry. These are the first words of courtesy that every child should know. Experts give such advice:

• Do not force your child to memorize these phrases on the machine, try to make him pronounce them sincerely.
• Pay attention to any little things that need to be thanked for, as they make up our daily life.
• Pay attention to the child that saying the word "thank you" every time he learns to be grateful; wishing good night or good morning, he himself is charged with positive.
• It is worth explaining to the little one that you need to reckon with the rights of other people, not express loudly your negative thoughts, restrain your emotions, replacing them with "magic" words.
• Teach your baby to defend his opinion not with shouts and fists, but with a polite attitude towards others.

Trouble learning polite manners

Not always mothers, fathers and teachers manage to teach the child etiquette the first time. The main obstacles that adults can face in educating children with politeness are the following:

• toddler does not respond to comments from adults;
• keeps silent when trying to make him say "magic" words;
• uses profanity in speech;
• is capricious and does not obey the requests of adults to show good manners.

What is the reason for this?

How to deal with childlike spontaneity

When raising politeness in children, parents often encounter childish spontaneity, which manifests itself, it would seem, in the inability of children to behave correctly in society. Sometimes adults can find themselves in such uncomfortable situations associated with violation of courtesy rules by their children, such as:

• pointing at people in public places;
• making fun of other children in an awkward situation;
• public discussion of the unusual appearance of an outsider;
• discussion of household chores in front of strangers;
• violation of table etiquette (picking your nose, chomping, grabbing food with your hands, and the like).

Even with the right upbringing, such situations can arise from the lack of self-awareness of babies. In all these cases, parents need to talk with their child at home, explain what actions can be done and which cannot. Try using different methods (see below in the text) to explain to the crumb, if he was in the place of those people against whom unethical actions were made, then it would become unpleasant for him to communicate with such guys.

How to teach courtesy to children at home

It is known that the first beginnings of politeness are laid in the family. Practically, the rules of politeness for children are presented by relatives, and then by society. The toddler unknowingly copies the behavior of his moms and dads. Parents can take advantage of this and unobtrusively instill the first rules of etiquette, for example, if every evening you wish the child a good night, and after waking up good morning, thank for good deeds, ask for forgiveness in awkward situations, then children will behave the same from infancy. How else can you tell your children about being polite? On the advice of experts, we use the children's "alphabet of politeness":

"Polite" games

Play is the most accessible method for understanding and developing the necessary politeness skills in the crumbs, as it is the leading activity in preschool age. The most effective in courtesy lessons for children will be story games: "Feed the doll", "Bear's birthday", "Shop", "Bathing dolls", "Bus driver", "Travel" and the like. These favorite games of preschoolers teach them the rules of courtesy and good manners. Even for the smallest, you can create play situations in which the baby will learn etiquette.

For instance:

• Take a doll or teddy bear, stretch out its paw and say: Hello! The child will reach out and answer.
• Use the toy to hand over any object and say: Please, this is for you! Toddler must say: Thank you!
• Children are very fond of rhymes, you can play with toys, asking questions about politeness and good manners in poetic form:

Which of you, waking up cheerfully,
"Good morning!" will he say firmly? ( toys "answer" in a mother's voice: it's me, it's me, it's all my friends!)

Which of you, tell me, brothers,
Forgetting to wash? ( similarly: it's not me ...)

Which one of you is okay
Dolls, books, chocolates? ( toys answer)

Which one of you is in a close tram
Is it inferior to the elders?

Which of you is silent as a fish,
Instead of a kind “thank you”?

Who wants to be polite
Does it hurt kids?

"Polite" riddles

Preschoolers love verse riddles, when at the end of the phrase you can substitute the correct word and finish the rhyme. Such riddles help to unobtrusively consolidate the rules of politeness for children:

1. If you meet an acquaintance, even on the street, even at home - do not be shy, do not dissemble, but say louder: ... ( Hi).
2. If you ask for something, then first do not forget to open your mouth and say: ... ( You are welcome).
3. If someone helped you in word or deed, do not hesitate to loudly, boldly say: ... ( thanks).
4. Talking to friends is not too lazy, smiling: ... ( good afternoon).
5. Goodbye to each other, we say: ... ( Bye).
6. Do not blame each other, it is best ... ( Sorry).
7. When you are guilty, you are in a hurry to say: ... ( I beg you please excuse).
8. Never interfere in someone else's conversation, and you are better than adults ... ( Do not interrupt).
9. An old stump will turn green when he hears: ... ( good afternoon).
10. If a friend meets a friend, they shake hands with each other. In response, everyone says: ... ( Hello).

Watching cartoons

There are many good cartoons that can be viewed together with a baby, for example, about Winnie the Pooh, Thumbelina, Cheburashka, etc. After watching, discuss the right or wrong actions of the characters. Let the baby express his opinion on this matter. Listen without interrupting, this is also an element of courtesy education. If you think his opinion is not entirely correct, gently explain the wrong points.

Reading of books

Reading good old fairy tales or author's stories, you can learn from them courtesy lessons. For example, the works of N. Nosov, V. Oseeva, G. Shalaeva, V. Stepanov and many others will help to understand what politeness is for children. Quite relevant in relation to good manners is Nosov's work about Dunno in the Sunny City. Or the fairy tales "Two greedy teddy bears", "Frost", "Polite rabbit".

Numerous verses on politeness teach respect for elders, caring for younger ones. For the kid to remember them, they must have a good rhyme and be accompanied by colorful pictures. For example, everyone knows the poem of Samuil Marshak "A Lesson in Politeness", which speaks of a bear cub who learned politeness. It is interesting for children to read the work of Agnia Barto "Lyubochka". After reading the books, be sure to discuss with the kid the heroes, their actions, ask him unobtrusive questions. This way you can make sure that the child really listened and understood what the piece is about.

Proverbs

In the culture of every nation, there are certainly other folklore forms, in addition to fairy tales, which will also help to consolidate the rules of politeness for children. You can read proverbs about kindness and politeness, kids quickly remember them:

• Speak boldly about a good deed.
• Life is given for good deeds.
• Hello is not surprising, but the heart wins.
• A sweet word is better than a soft cake.
• As you live, you will be known.

Features of children's "alphabet of politeness"

Up to 3 years of age

At this age, the baby already knows many rules of etiquette, but, at the same time, by the age of three, the baby begins to learn the world and is looking for the boundaries of what is permitted. He fights more and more often, takes toys from his peers, does not always say thank you, etc. Moms and dads face a difficult task - without losing their peace of mind, to convey to their child all the negative of his actions. This should be done in a serious manner, explaining to the baby his bad behavior. After such a conversation, you should not immediately joke and laugh, otherwise the child will not understand anything. Encourage and praise good deeds.

Children after 3-4 years

At this age, preschool children develop specific character traits:

1. Preschoolers often complain about their playmates. But you can't blame them for sneaking. This happens because children are not always able to figure out their relationships with peers on their own and are looking for help from adults. It is worthwhile to gently explain to the child that his friend did the wrong thing towards him and it is necessary to remind the friend of his good manners.
2. Kindergarten children are often reluctant to share their toys. Previously, such actions were condemned, but modern psychologists say that a favorite toy is an extension of the child's own “I”. You cannot blame him for not parting with her. You can invite your child to swap a toy for a while with another child. Or, if he does not want to do this, let his favorite doll or car wait for him at home.

• It so happens that strangers begin to teach your child what to do in this case? Even if you know that he is wrong and behaved ugly, show restraint and try to get out of the situation with dignity. For a child, such moments can be instructive. Do not stoop to squabbles and proceedings. Reply politely that you will figure it out and talk to your baby yourself.
• Always be on the side of your child, you need to scold him, but do it at home behind closed doors. This applies to both toddlers and schoolchildren. Other behavior of the parents will be regarded as betrayal.
• At home, in a relaxed atmosphere, talk to your son or daughter, play the situation again. If he thinks he is right, explain that in any case, you should not be rude to others.
• Much can be accomplished through encouragement and comment to foster politeness. Little children who are just learning the basics of etiquette should often hear words of praise. Then they will see the difference between good and bad actions. If a preschooler has acted tactlessly, find out why he did so before making a comment. Perhaps there is an explanation for this behavior. It can be shyness or bad mood, ignorance of the rules. If you don't learn to understand your baby, it will be difficult to establish contact with him in the future.
• Discover certain rules for yourself and your children that will make it easier for parents to develop polite behavior in the baby.

  Decorate them colorfully, hang them in a prominent place in the house. The preschooler understands the word better in combination with clarity.

• It is important that the child feels respect from his relatives and friends, only then can we count on reciprocity.
• Despite the openness and goodwill between children and parents, each of them should know their place. If the baby goes beyond the boundaries and begins to communicate with you as with peers, you need to delicately correct it.
• It is always easier to tug at a crumbs and chastise for wrong behavior. It is more difficult to speak and converse, to explain how to behave correctly and how not. But you need to devote a little more time to your children, to praise for good deeds, to remind how loved ones are proud of their child for this or that action, to show their love. Then he will have a feeling of gratitude, he will want to say words like thank you, please, learn good manners.

Possessing his emotions and observing the rules of courtesy is much more pleasant in communication than a rude person. Success in a career, relationships with friends and relatives, and well-being in family life depends on the ability to correctly assess and behave in a given situation. Therefore, every person from an early age should know and follow the rules of courtesy.

What is politeness

Politeness is about expressing and showing respect for a person or their actions. If you turn to the dictionary with the question of what is politeness, the definition of this word will be that - it is a manifestation of good manners, courtesy and the ability to observe the rules of decency. Being polite is not easy. Very often, the restrained and adequate behavior of adults is hampered by stress, troubles at work and in personal life. Sometimes the manifestation of politeness to a person is impossible because of antipathy towards him. One of the most important and valuable qualities of a person is the ability to show oneself with restraint and polite in various situations. It is often very difficult for children to understand what is politeness. Therefore, it is very important to teach a child from early childhood to observe the rules of courtesy. After all, this quality is always noticed and appreciated.

Show courtesy

A person shows politeness to another if he constantly uses the words "thank you", "please", "sorry" and the like in a conversation.

Spouses are tactful in relation to and instill this in their child, if they do not use rude and obscene words in conversation with each other.

In politics, showing respect for the interlocutor during negotiations is called diplomatic politeness.

A person is considered polite if he shows his respect for both elders and minors.

Courtesy rules for children

What is it that not only every adult, but also a child should know.

First of all, the child needs to explain what is politeness, the definition of this word. And also how well-bred children behave and why it is so important to be polite. It is very convenient to learn the rules of politeness in pictures and in a playful way. There are even rules in poetry so that the child can more easily remember and understand them.

One of the universal rules that every adult knows: do to others the way you want to be treated to you. Children very often deliberately do not want to be paid attention to and greeted. That is why this rule is very important in the formation of politeness and awareness of this very concept - politeness: what is and how it manifests itself.

It is important to teach your child the correct use of words of gratitude. You need to thank not only if you presented a gift (even if you didn’t like it), but also if another person helped or provided any service. It must be explained that help and mutual assistance are politeness and are highly appreciated.

It is necessary to tell the child that you cannot call names, make fun of someone or come up with offensive nicknames, focusing on the shortcomings of the other person. Instead, you need to praise others for good deeds, celebrate their merits, and be able to listen to a person without interrupting him.

Knowing and understanding that you need to respect other people, you cannot be selfish and put your desires first - politeness. What kind of attitude towards other people should be in any communication and that it is ugly to interrupt someone or shout for no reason should be explained to a child from an early age.

Magic words

Of course, the main aspect is learning, correctly understanding what words of courtesy are and using magic words such as "thank you", "hello", "goodbye", "sorry", "please" and so on. It is necessary to explain to the kid that they can be used in different situations. For example, they apologize not only when they act badly or feel guilty for an act, but also when they want to ask another person for something or attract his attention, distracting him from another business or conversation. As your communication with other children and adults increases, your skills in using polite words will increase.

Basic rules of courtesy

1. Greet first and answer the greeting.
2. Do not interrupt others when speaking.
3. Knock when the door is locked.
4. When leaving from somewhere, hold the door.
5. Ask permission if you are visiting.
6. You cannot show disinterest in anything.
7. Avoid conflicts.

There are many rules of politeness. It is important to remember that a well-mannered child whose parents are polite will intuitively act in the same way as they do in similar situations.

How to educate a child to be polite to others

It's hard to argue with the fact that children learn bad things much faster than good ones. As soon as a child sees his peer committing a bad act, adjustments have to be made in his behavior. There is also a certain grain of truth in the fact that children will always be like their parents, copying their behavior. That is why the rules of politeness must be observed not only by children, but also by their parents. After all, they are an example for the child to follow. First of all, the baby's mom and dad must learn to control their emotions and actions, regardless of the current situation. When communicating with a child, it is imperative to use those same magic words, always listen to everything that the baby wants to say, without interrupting him.

From the first days, you need to build warm and with a child, so that later, when the baby grows up, to be an authority for him. Then he will listen to the opinion and instructions of his parents.

Explain the meaning of the word "politeness", what the rules of politeness are necessary from an early age. For this, it is preferable to use a game form.

You cannot impose rules on a child and force him to follow them, much less punish him for wrong behavior.

The kid needs to be given a choice of how he can act in a certain situation, and then explain the pros and cons of the decision.

You cannot scold a child in the presence of other people. You should never criticize a baby. You can criticize his behavior, but he himself is not. Praise should be given for the child's politeness.

"A polite person is always safe, but a rude person will be in trouble."

(from the writings of Japanese warriors)

A prerequisite for a normal life in society is the maintenance of optimal relations between its members and the desire to avoid conflicts. This becomes possible only by recognizing the right of every person to attention and respect by observing the rules of courtesy.

Unfortunately, in society, there is often a manifestation of harshness, rudeness, disrespect for other people. The norms of decent behavior are often neglected, although it is extremely difficult to establish mutually beneficial and harmonious relationships in society without politeness.

What is politeness and its meaning?

Politeness is a character trait that belongs to the categories of "morality" and "behavior."

A person endowed with this quality is characterized by:

1. the ability to tactfully and respectfully contact people;
2. the ability to find compromise solutions in conflict situations;
3. the art of listening to the opposite point of view.

The concept of "politeness" in different cultures has different meanings. What is considered weird or rude in some countries is considered politeness in others. This is a kind of tool with which people feel comfortable being in society and in contact with each other.

For this to happen, the younger generation needs to be explained what good form is,. With the help of special exercises, it is necessary to make the politeness natural for the children.

It is well complemented by delicacy, which is an innate quality that, unfortunately, cannot be learned, but you can get closer by studying the rules of courtesy of children. In addition to parents and teachers, this is successfully facilitated by the teacher's own efforts and inspiring examples.

The criterion by which you can determine how polite a person is, you can by the ability not to put people in an awkward position. Being in society, every act and desire inevitably, directly or indirectly, reflects on others.

Therefore, a boundary must always be established between desires and possibilities. To strengthen it, there is self-esteem and one's own attitude not to cause harm and inconvenience to others.

Where to start?

The first thing a child should learn is the words “thank you,” “please,” and “sorry” (“sorry”), and situations where they are appropriate. For example, the word “thank you” is customary to thank, and this word means that with which we say to a person “save God” for something that he did not have to do at all. “Please” means “to give, because you love” (from Old Russian “to grant”), pronouncing this word, we recognize the free will of another. With the word “forgive” or “sorry” we ask forgiveness.

These words should be used freely, automatically, naturally, otherwise, they sound impolite, with notes of rudeness, disrespect and hostility.

This behavior is typical of adolescent children. By his actions, he consciously or unconsciously seeks to prove to others that he is no longer a child. At the same time, he requires respect for himself and the inviolability of his personal space. Any intrusion he regards as extreme disrespect.

Experienced teachers believe that such behavior is the result of a lack of attention and indifference on the part of people who are authoritative for him. Hence the rudeness, in response - conflict, verbal skirmish. The teenager has a reason to show independence, and he slams the door. Here is a familiar situation for many.

The only way out of this situation is to show respect for the child and recognize him as an "adult". As a result of the showdown, he must understand that being an adult is a responsibility. For example, tell him: "I will not touch your clothes, but you must make sure that they are in order"; "I will not go into your room, but now you have to mop the floor and dust it yourself."

Carefully appeal to your child's idols, do not speculate on his feelings for one or another celebrity.

Only an unobtrusive mention of the best qualities of his hero is acceptable. Ask for his biography. It would be good to disassemble the negative moments of the life of a star and discuss with the child what was the mistake that led to negative consequences, and what he lost at the same time.

There are situations when an outsider evaluates your child's behavior. In this case, the best option would be to adhere to two principles:

• parents are always on the side of their child;
• restraint, which means not getting involved in a conflict and not exacerbating relations with a third party.

What to do with childlike spontaneity?

You need to know that it comes from a lack of self-awareness. After any manifestation, such as pointing a finger at someone and loudly discussing the appearance of a stranger, talking about household chores at a party, you need to talk to the child and discuss the situation.

Ask him to imagine that he too may be in an uncomfortable situation.

For example, a mother with the same spontaneity will tell about his secrets, or he will be ridiculed among authoritative people for no reason. Ask how he would feel in a similar situation.

"Fu, how uncivilized!" - says Freken Bok of the legendary cartoon about the Kid and his charming friend Carlson. And if the "housemaker" is still a collective and generally ironic image, then in real life it is unpleasant to hear such an assessment addressed to oneself (especially to one's child), to put it mildly.

Yes, you can't please everyone. Yes, personality is important. But knowing the rules of good manners and mastering them is like learning to read: you may not become a bibliophile, but in some situations this skill can save your life (if a dangerous object says "Don't get in - it will kill", for example).

Below are simple truths that are well known to adults, but children need to be explained and demonstrated by personal example - this is the only way they will remember the rules.

What should be taught to a child so that he feels confident in any situation?

1. Say thank you and please.

2. Greet and say goodbye (with peers and adults).

3. Do not interrupt the speaker (especially the elders). And if you still need to say something important and urgent, then you should start with an apology: "Forgive me for interrupting, but ...".

4. Asking adults for permission in certain situations.

5. Do not take other people's things without asking.

6. Do not evaluate out loud a person regarding his external data (exceptions are positive assessments, but tact and delicacy must be shown with them).

7. Maintain a conversation when the interlocutor asks: "How are you?" The child needs to be taught that this question is appropriate to ask friends and family, and that it does not require an overly detailed answer. Then, out of courtesy, you need to ask how your friend is doing.

8. Knock on closed doors and enter only after answering.

9. Show the basics of telephone etiquette: say hello and say goodbye, and when the child himself calls someone, you need to introduce yourself and clarify whether it is convenient for the interlocutor to talk.

10. Open doors in front of the elderly and let them go forward. Explain to the boys that they should let girls and women go ahead.

11. Do not push people apart with your elbows when entering, for example, public transport.

12. Offer your help when needed.

13. Behave in a cultured way at the table, learn how to use cutlery correctly.

14. Do not talk with your mouth full, use a napkin while eating.

15. Do not reach across the table for food, but ask those who are sitting next to pass the dish.

16. Accept any gifts with gratitude.

17. Do not speak rude, swear words.

18. Do not tease or call names.

19. Asking for forgiveness when the situation calls for it.

20. Cover your mouth with your palm when sneezing and coughing, do not blow your nose in public and do not get your fingers into your nose.

The list could turn out to be very long, because we learn the rules of behavior all our lives. For a while, a child has enough basic guidelines, after which he himself will understand: being polite is a good and pleasant thing.

In the process of communication between people speech etiquette plays the most important role, that is, verbal forms of expression of polite relations, closely related to certain moments of the situation and due to the cultural level, gender, age, degree of relationship, acquaintance of the communication participants. In a speech situation there is always a speaker, his interlocutor, place and time of speech, motive and purpose of communication, topic of conversation, means of communication.

Speech etiquette is used in a limited circle of certain situations, therefore, assessing the politeness and culture of a person, as a rule, they evaluate his ability to comply with the rules of speech etiquette.

Speech etiquette reflects national experience, the originality of the conditions of life, customs of each nation.

That is why speech etiquette is an important component of national culture.

Etiquette as a set of rules established in society regulates people's behavior in accordance with social requirements.

Speech etiquette regulates the rules of human speech behavior in society.

The system of speech etiquette is a stable, stereotypical formulas of address, invitations, requests, thanks, apologies, congratulations, wishes, greetings.

As part of speech etiquette, an important place is occupied by addresses - individual words or phrases used in dialogue.

Appeals reflect the relationships that are established between people in the process of communication and qualify its participants.

In the system of appeals adopted in society, the official relations established between people belonging to certain social groups are manifested.

Appeals are divided into official ones, accepted in society, and appeals determined by informal relations between people.

A change in social relations leads to a change in the system of speech etiquette: old forms either leave active vocabulary use, or acquire other shades of meaning. Official appeals undergo the greatest change, unofficial appeals change to a lesser extent.

After October, the system of formulas for speech etiquette underwent significant changes. New socio-economic and cultural relations destroyed the old system of relations and gave rise to new socially conditioned formulas of speech etiquette. Appeals lord / madam /, gentleman / lady /, sir / madam /, gracious sir / gracious empress / began to leave speech communication, they were replaced by new ones, and the named formulas acquired various shades of meaning. The titles of nobility and the titles of prince, baron were abolished, the estate-hierarchical ladder was abolished, and in this regard, your Excellency, Your Excellency, Your Grace, Your Highness, Your Highness, Your Honor disappeared from active speech use.

In modern Russian usage, only some of the official formulas of addresses adopted in pre-revolutionary Russia have been preserved. In the diplomatic language, there are words that are not terms in the full sense of the word, but serve to express international courtesy. International courtesy is a concept denoting rules that, while not being legally binding, are applied in international practice due to their practical convenience on the basis of reciprocity or at the request of the state applying them. The speech formulas of international politeness are varied. Basically, they are used only in diplomatic relations. These are the appeals to representatives of capitalist states, foreign diplomats: Mr., Mrs. The etiquette of diplomatic relations also uses titles and forms of titling that are not accepted in the USSR. When addressing the heads of monarchical states, addresses are used, Your Majesty, Your Highness.

In the official addresses of the heads of the capitalist states to the head of the Soviet state, the title Your Excellency and the address Mr.

After the revolution, the master's appeal persisted in a specific bourgeois environment longer than other forms of appeal. Madame's appeal also lived for a certain time, sometimes it can be heard in colloquial speech even now.

After the revolution, new forms of official appeal appeared - comrade and citizen. The word comrade is a very old word that had many meanings: a comrade-in-arms, an accomplice in a campaign or a trade trip. From the indirect meaning of the satellite, which was in use in the old days, for example, boyar / such and such / with comrades, the official pre-revolutionary terminology was developed: assistant prosecutor, assistant minister, that is, assistant, deputy minister. After the revolution, the word comrade was used in relation to comrades in the party, in the class. At the end of the 30s, during the Patriotic War and after it, the word comrade began to be used as a common address.

Equally interesting is the life of the word citizen, used in the role of address. Until the end of the 18th century, the word citizen was used in the sense of a city dweller. Then the meaning of the word changed. Already at the beginning of the 19th century, along with the previous meaning of the word - citizen of the city, the word citizen is used in another meaning: a member of society. In this sense, the word functions in the second half of the 18th century. The word citizen in the 19th century means a person who benefits society, subordinating personal interests to public interests.

Emperor Paul tried to withdraw the word citizen from use in Russia after the French Revolution, trying to contrast the manners of Russian monarchical society with the manners of revolutionary France. (It was also forbidden to wear round hats, for the emperor saw solidarity with revolutionary France in this too).

After October, the citizen's appeal began to be used as an official one, and the comrade's appeal as less official.

Comrade - stylistically neutral, used more often in relation to a man.

Companion teacher / driver, police officer, salesman, passenger, etc. / - official, used in relation to men and women on the basis of a profession or nature of occupation at the moment (when referring to a woman, nouns - names of professions - cannot be used in the feminine form: secretary, etc.).

Comrade supervisor / manager, director, etc. / - official, can also be used in relation to leaders, whose surname and name are known.

Comrades! Comrade delegates / parents, students, radio listeners, TV viewers / - neutral, used as a common form of addressing the audience.

Comrade Petrov! - the official, used in relation to an unfamiliar person. Comrades passengers! - we hear in transport. Comrades, dear comrades! - sounds from the TV screen and on the radio.

Combinations are universal in the store: Comrade seller! Comrade cashier! They are suitable for any trading situation. Of course, if the tonality matches the business setting. The girl! Address we hear in stores is hardly appropriate for the woman of any age behind the counter.

It is more appropriate to address the "magic" words: Forgive ... Excuse ... Be kind ... Be kind ... Tell me please ... Would you be so kind ..., so kind ... Please ... Come, please, here ... Would you say ... Would you advise you ... I would like to consult with you ... Help me, please .. Is it difficult for you to help me ...

The named phrases - these are the most common forms of attracting attention, followed by a question, request, proposal.

Emphasized polite phrases such as Will you be so kind ... Sorry to bother you ... Sorry to bother you ... - are usually used by older people.

We are all buyers. Therefore, the communication of the buyer with the trade workers should bring satisfaction to both parties. It is no coincidence that signs hang in many shops: “Buyer and seller! Be mutually polite! " Each of us has the right to be respected by those around us, but we also have a duty to respect those around us. Compliance with the rules of etiquette is the expression of this mutual respect, politeness: in the store, at work, on vacation, in transport.

In the role of appeals words may appear to help accurately address speech: nanny, driver, attendant, doctor, neighbor, etc. By themselves, these addresses are not polite or impolite. It all depends on the situation in which they are used. For example, an appeal to a person on duty in a class is possible - a person on duty, an address to a stranger with a bandage of a person on duty is a comrade on duty, telephone operators of intercity stations use the word “on duty” in communication with each other.

A stranger is often addressed with the words: man, woman, grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle, mother, mother, father. This form of address is impolite and disrespectful..

You can turn to a stranger with the words: citizen, comrade, young man, girl.

In the television program "Man and Law" (December 1990), the journalist conducts a survey of Muscovites: what forms of address they use, prefer, offer. The addresses, madam, gentlemen, were perceived as unusual. Often referred to as a common girl, citizen. Men, addressing each other (as they said, in their own way), used the appeals man, brother. All respondents noted the widespread use of male and female references.

Today, the attitude to the words citizen, gentleman, comrade in the role of appeals is far from unambiguous and not simple.

In this regard, a polemical article by journalist N-Andreev in Novoye Vremya is very interesting. The title of the article speaks for itself: "Hello, comrades capitalists!" The subtitle is no less informative: “The fact that in the whole world is a matter of education and taste, we have big politics”. So what is this article about?

"At one scientific symposium, the speaker began his speech with the usual words: Dear comrades!" The comrades sitting in the hall began to look at each other in bewilderment at such usual treatment, and then they laughed knowingly: Mr. Professor would deign to joke. Paul Craig, a professor of economics from the United States and one of the architects of Reaganomics, addressed the Soviet audience in a comradely manner. From him it was more usual to hear: Ladies and gentlemen! ..

It seemed conversion is a matter of education, taste, culture... However, in our socialist society, by how people are addressed, one can judge his political orientation, ideology, class affiliation. The appeal, as it were, immediately determined the status of a citizen: if a comrade, then, therefore, ours, ideologically tested, class pure. Mister - attention here, this can be suspected of everything: counter-revolutionary, exploitative tendencies, anti-communism. Citizen - there is a clear criminal subtext here. There was a comrade, and now a citizen is under investigation.

In general, the word comrade belongs to a rather narrow sphere of life - official, party. It was used and is used at meetings, official events. Everyday life, everyday life rejected him. And not for any counter-revolutionary reasons, but simply inconvenient to use them. Comrade, of course, is a proud word, but I want not only pride, but also warmth, gentleness, trust, so that the appeal distinguishes us by gender. Comrade Ivanova - and immediately there is something in a leather jacket, with a Mauser. That is why these monstrous appeals have taken root in us - a man, a woman, a girl ...

Comrade appeal is attachment to party ethics... And not only to the ethics of the communist party, but also to the ethics of the social democratic and socialist parties. Because of this, sometimes quite curious collisions arise. At one time, Willie Brandt came to Brezhnev as chairman of the Socialist International. And he turned to the General Secretary of the CPSU Central Committee, Comrade Brezhnev. And the secretary general, who had previously called Chancellor Brandt a master during his official visits to the FRG, now addressed the chairman of the Socialist International in his own way: Comrade Brandt. During this visit, a funny episode arose. During the official reception, Andrei Andreevich Gromyko had to leave somewhere. And Brezhnev easily explained to the guest: "Mr. Brandt, Mr. Gromyko must leave us ..."

Apparently, it is worth remembering that the members of the National Socialist Workers' Party of Germany turned to each other only as a comrade. Which, by the way, creates a lot of difficulties for our translators when they need to translate the direct speech of one or another fascist leader. We agreed that this is what they wrote: "Comrades, I am addressing you, your Fuhrer ..."

Today this topic is - how to address this or that person - acquires a new political meaning... For example, how do members of the Federation Council of the USSR address each other? Indeed, in many republics, the address, mister, madam, has been quite officially introduced. This is how they turn in the republican parliaments, in everyday life. And even in the Supreme Soviet of Russia, comrade is avoided. The usual appeal, judging by the transcript of the sessions of the session, is - Dear Deputy, Dear colleagues. Apparently, Mikhail Gorbachev is addressing Vytautas Landsbergis, sir. And to Anatoly Gorbunov, Chairman of the Supreme Council of Latvia? In the republic Gorbunov is a lord, but in the past he held a party post. Everything got mixed up somehow ...

If we touch on the linguistic origin of the word master, then it has Latin roots, it is derived from the word master. And this was very sensitively caught by the People's Deputy of the USSR N. Petrushenko. When discussing the property law, he said: “Today we cannot but be alerted by the words about labor private property, and tomorrow, when billions of the shadow economy and mafia money will make private property dominant, will it not lead to the restoration of capitalism? Will the people support you, comrade deputies? And so I want to say to the address of those deputies who proposed this, not comrades, but gentlemen deputies. " I wonder how Deputy Petrushenko would have addressed the KamAZ workers who own shares? There are no, but the owners. Are they still comrades? Or gentlemen already? Most likely gentlemen. Lords of their property, masters of their fate. To be a master, you have to own something.

We, working in the press, - says N. Andreev, - to our amazement, too, are increasingly falling into the category of "masters". A phrase from a reader's letter: "There is nothing to be cunning, comrade journalists, or, perhaps, already gentlemen?" No, no, yes, and it will break through: "These gentlemen are democrats." Of course, we are not gentlemen, we do not own anything, we have no property. But it can hardly be accepted as an insult.

Appeal mister, madam in no way can it be either offensive or derogatory. One of my acquaintances in Riga says: "I like it when a lady turns to me in a store." Some new relationships are emerging in life today, and they are reflected in the relationships between people. Including how they speak to each other. I remember that in the 60s Vladimir Soloukhin proposed introducing an appeal, sir, madam. Then they laughed at this as at a quirk. It is possible that now this would be taken more seriously.

Still, in our life there is not enough goodwill, disposition, if you like - camaraderie. Very often you come across anger, aggression, suspicion. I recently went on a business trip to Cherepovets. I learned that there is an enterprise there - the Ammophos association, where people, despite the harsh reality of perestroika, are trying to do something. And they have successes. I called the director of the enterprise V. Babkin, by the way, the people's deputy of Russia: I am going to you, I want to tell you about the bright things in our life, give people hope ... I come across an aggressive tone: you have nothing to do here, I didn’t invite you, I don’t want to talk and see you ... So much for camaraderie. I wanted to give up on a business trip to Houston - there, I heard, there is an enterprise where they know how to work - to come to the managers: “Hello, comrades capitalists! Share best practices in a friendly way ... "

I am sure that many will perceive these notes as a call to abandon the appeal comrade and go to the gentlemen. I am not calling for anything. Neither the journalist nor even the entire press is able to introduce a new appeal. And even the Supreme Soviet of the country cannot do it. This cannot be introduced even by a referendum. Social conditions of life must seriously change in order for any new appeal of man to man to take hold. You cannot impose it. Only society is able to work out how it is more convenient for its members to address each other. "

One of the brightest means of showing courtesy is polite you in accordance with the intimate you... The named pronouns express a certain tone of communication, making it neutral, businesslike, friendly, intimate or even deliberately rude and impolite.

The transition from you to you (and back) is socially and psychologically conditioned. Primarily Russian, traditional, is the appeal to you. For many centuries, Russian people spoke this way with everyone: close ones, older in age, higher on the social ladder. Such are the addresses in fairy tales, in prayers to the king, to God. In the 18th century, when the European style of behavior was being established in Russia through the efforts of Peter I, an appeal to you, borrowed from Western European languages, appeared in the Russian language. The plurality of one person originally had a special meaning: you alone are worth many. This, as it were, emphasized the special courtesy to each other.

Once in Russia, the European form on you began to mix with the familiar, actually Russian forms on you. The linguistic traditions of each nation are very strong and deep. First, and even later, in the 19th century, the collision between you and you was the cause of many curiosities, comical and ridiculous speech situations. In L. Chekhov's story "You and You" the following dialogue between the investigator and the witness is given:

Tea, do you know Severin Frantsych?

You need to say ... You can't poke! If I tell you ... you you, then you should be polite even more!

It is, of course, superiority! Don't we understand? But listen, what's next ...

Zealots of the purity of the Russian language, active opponents of all kinds of borrowing, also opposed the polite European you. V. I. Dal called such an appeal "distorted politeness", and to make his position convincing he cited a proverb: "It is better to poke for honor than to poke with a trick." The derogatory meaning of this rhyming adage is obvious.

The collision of two forms of address in Russian, which go back to two different language systems (you are native Russian, you are Western European), is aggravated by another contradiction. It is associated with the semantic content that fills these appeals themselves.

The address to you, which has a long history in Russian, is especially expressive. It can mean, on the one hand, a friendly and intimate treatment that exists between people close, familiar, lovers, etc. In conjunction with various words-applications brother, mother, my mother, my father, uncle, uncle, grandfather, my friend, friend, etc. it is able to reflect the most varied shades in relations between people and at the same time soften speech, give it exceptional sincerity. The stylistic peculiarity of both appeals was sensitively captured by A.S. Pushkin: You are empty with a heart, She replaced with a word, And all the happy dreams Aroused in a lover's soul. I stand before her thoughtfully: There is no power to take my eyes off her; And I say to her: how sweet you are! And I think: how I love you!

Basic politeness requires respect for any stranger.

Only a lack of moral education, culture can be regarded as a one-sided appeal to colleagues, especially in relation to older ones. In non-observance of age discipline, arrogance, mental deafness and bad manners are manifested.

The transition to you in business communication can only be bilateral and voluntary: this is due to the spiritual convergence of people and the warmth of relations. The initiative in the transition to you should come from an elder in age and official position.

Addressing you in the absence of informal relations between people is perceived as an insult, not to mention a violation of etiquette.

A subtle observation is made, for example, by A.P. Chekhov during a trip to Sakhalin. Talking about the visits to the cells of the exiles in the Alexander prison, the writer draws attention to the fact that the warders in the convicts do not see people, but they themselves get drunk in the company of the exiles, sell alcohol. Therefore, “the exiled population does not respect them and treat them with contemptuous negligence. It calls them “crackers” in the eyes and tells them YOU. The officials say to the warden YOU and scold him as they please, not being ashamed of the presence of convicts "(A. Chekhov." Sakhalin Island ").

Addressing you without a combination with a name and patronymic can also be offensive: "Listen, you."

In the field of business communication, a polite you is actively involved. Such an appeal to students and high school students is correct.

“Among the appeals to you and you, a very important place is occupied by appeals concerning the relationship between managers and subordinates," - rightly notes V. Kajaya, the author of an article in the newspaper "Megapolis express". Here is what he writes: “Some leaders, referring to their subordinates, are trying to bring a kind of theoretical basis under this manner of communication: I am, they say, a simple person, I got used to it without ceremony. In fact, contempt for the "conventions" of etiquette also turns out to be a "childhood disease of leftism," only in relation to the sphere of human relationships. For a long time already, the conversation about etiquette has not been perceived as a bourgeois relic. Good manners, good manners are one of the facets of culture, therefore a cultured, well-mannered person will never do anything that can offend or humiliate another. It is this humane meaning that is put into the concept of "good breeding". And the higher the culture of a person, the more developed his self-esteem, the more painful he experiences when the boss turns to you. He feels like a humiliated person, and a humiliated worker is always a bad worker.

In a cultured person, you always sounds natural and warm, and not cold and prim, as some supporters of turning to you seem to think.

In an official setting, one-sided you, if it comes from a junior in position, looks familiar, and if from an older one - rudeness, but bilateral you give it a touch of familiarity. "

“For example, every time I am jarred,” writes V. Kadzhaya in the quoted article, “when in the program“ Face to the City ”G. Kh. Popov, who is deeply respected by me, calls the host of the program Notkin simply Boris, and the latter calls him by name and patronymic ... But Boris Notkin is far from a young man, he is older than the same Sergei Stankevich, who often takes part in the program, but Gabriel Kharitonovich addresses him exclusively "Sergei Borisovich".

Formally speaking to you with subordinates is condemned, but not always and not everywhere with subordinates speak to you, regardless of age, gender and official position. "

The author ends his observations optimistically: “Good manners have become an ethical norm that increasingly permeates our relationships at work and at home. Already you almost never meet a boss who would knock on the table with his fists and bring down the waterfall of the square battle on his subordinates. Times change, and we change with them. We are changing, thank God, for the better ”(Megapolis express, 1991, No. 2).

So, you should contact:

• to an unfamiliar or unfamiliar person;
• to your friend or friend in a formal setting of communication (in the presence of officials, at a meeting, meeting, etc.);
• to an equal and older in age and position;
• with an emphatically polite attitude.

Contacting you is possible:

• to a well-known person,
• in an informal atmosphere of communication,
• with friendly, intimate relationships,
• to an equal or younger age.

The change from the habitual you to you can be due to various reasons and can also be regarded in different ways.

In an informal setting, this is a sign of emphasized politeness, resentment.

The hero of V. Krupin's story "In Her City" Kovalev is depressed. Everything annoys him, including the conversations of his wife. But she does not understand this, and Kovalev angrily throws her:

Lord! Can't you understand that, like every person, I can have my own joys and sorrows. Can't you even belong to yourself for an hour?

Well good, good! You can stay as long as you like with yourself.

When she was offended by him, she switched to "you."

In an official setting, the change to you (for example, among teachers) is a manifestation of the generally accepted norms of treatment that have developed in a given social environment. With students, teachers usually call each other by you and by name and patronymic.

The pronouns you, you, your are written with a capital letter, when addressing you to a person indicates great politeness. This spelling is used when referring to a stranger or unfamiliar person, to an equal and older (by age, position) with an emphasized polite attitude towards him.

In modern verbal communication, the formula hello, hello is used to express greetings, stylistically neutral and not having social correlation; formulas are also common, the use of which depends on the time of day: Good morning! / good morning! /, good afternoon! Good evening!

Hello is usually used in an informal setting between familiar people when contacting you. However, the functioning of a combination of hello, addressing you, and by name and patronymic is possible:

Hello Pavel Mikhailovich! In this case, the use of the formula is due to the degree of familiarity of the speakers (close) and age (this is how middle-aged and elderly people usually call each other).

Among the greeting formulas there are many emotionally colored constructions, such as: Whom do I see! Long time no see! How glad I am, how glad I am! How are you! Glad to see you!

These constructs are used alone or in parallel with other formulas for greeting and addressing.

Between well-known people (more often young people), casual greetings like Salute are possible! Hi !, but they are not literary and therefore the scope of their use is limited. The most commonly used in speech etiquette to denote goodbye is a neutral formula - goodbye / see you soon /. In the meaning of goodbye for a long time or forever, the word goodbye is used! / goodbye! /.

To express goodbye, constructions are also used: be healthy (be healthy), all the best, all the best, all the best, good night, good night, stay happily, happy journey, good hour, do not remember dashing, with a touch of wishes, stylistically neutral and indistinct socially designated.

Etiquette formulas of congratulations and wishes take an important place in circulation, their use creates an atmosphere of joy, kindness, respect for people - relatives, friends, colleagues.

Numerous structures devoid of social coloring, stylistically neutral designs with the organizing center, congratulations: congratulations / eat / you / you /, congratulate / eat / heartily / wholeheartedly / congratulate / eat /, congratulate / eat / happy holiday, birthday , New Year.

In an informal setting, when contacting friends or close people, a construction without a verb can be used to congratulate: happy holiday, happy birthday, with the birthday girl.

The design has a solemnly official shade let / those / congratulate you / you / .

Congratulations are almost always associated with wishes: from the bottom of my heart I wish you; I wish you success; happiness; good luck; I wish you all the best; I wish you everything, everything.

The formula of gratitude, which is obligatory for a favorable contact, is widespread in speech communication.

In response to good deeds, words, feelings, a person tends to feel gratitude. The moral requirement to pay with good for good arose a long time ago, because it is a manifestation of the principle of justice in human relationships.

The arsenal of opportunities to thank a person is quite extensive... The most commonly used word is thank you, which has arisen as a result of merging into one word the stable phrase God save, which has gradually lost its original meaning. Thank you used as an etiquette formula alone or with qualifying words: thank you; thanks for all; thanks for the bread, salt; and thanks for that.

Another series of etiquette formulas of gratitude with the word thank: thank / you /, very much to you / you / grateful.

To strengthen the meaning of the formula, thank you, it is possible to use combinations after it: you are very kind, you are very kind, lean, absorbing the meaning of gratitude and being used independently.

In response to gratitude, it is possible to use the word please and phrases: not worth it, not at all / neutral./, always at your service / official./.

The most important element of the culture of communication is an apology. In speech etiquette, formulas are most commonly used, the core words in which are the verbs to excuse, forgive.

Very wide social boundaries have a neutral forgiveness / those / used when addressing a person with an apology for a committed misconduct, for concern, for any violation of etiquette, to warn about something.

When apologizing for a minor misconduct and violation of etiquette, sorry / te / is used.

In the 19th century fiction - Chekhov, L.N. Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Goncharov, Blok - the verb I apologize is often found, which is rejected by the traditional literary norm as rudely fluvial. In the old, pre-revolutionary vernacular, the form I apologize arose, perhaps not without the influence of politely obsequious obey, but gradually it became a simple colloquial doublet of the literary sorry.

For example, in Chekhov:

“Elena Andreevna. When you talk to me about your love, I somehow get stupid and don't know what to say. Sorry, I can't tell you anything. "

“Voinitsky / won't let her /. Well, well, my joy, excuse me ... I apologize / kisses the hand / "/" Uncle Vanya "/.

In combination with the word please, the verbs sorry! Those, sorry! Those! denote an intensified polite request to apologize for what was done, said, for something unpleasant.

Structural variants of formulas for an apology with the word I beg you are very diverse: I beg your pardon, I beg your pardon, I beg your pardon, I beg your pardon.

The order of the components in the formula may vary: excuse me, excuse me.

The above formulas are synonymous with the word blame / blame /, which has a wide variety of shades due to the communication situation and the individual characteristics of the speaker's speech manner.

Models with denial are possible: don't be angry with me; do not be angry that ...

Apology formulas such as: sorry, sorry, I'm sorry (I'm sorry), I'm sorry, I'm sorry - they are possible if the speaker is going to bother someone / with a request, a question /.

Formulas of speech etiquette can take on the character of introductory ones - for example, combinations sorry for the expression, sorry for being frank, sorry for being frank.

The answer to an apology is usually the words: please, it’s not worth it, nothing, what are you, what trifles, okay, this is a trifle, etc.

The request is most often conveyed by neutral models: I ask, I ask you, I beg you, for God's sake / for God's sake /.

In an informal setting, when communicating with familiar people, the formula "be / those / other" is used, which has a tinge of friendly request. In combination with other formulas, a request such as "I beg" expresses an insistent friendly request:

“Tolkachev (Murashkin). Be a friend, don't ask anything, don't go into details ... give me a revolver! I beg you! " (A. P. Chekhov. "The Tragic Against Will").

The social framework for the functioning of this formula is very wide. The same meaning of a friendly request has a phraseological unit not in service, but in friendship, used in an informal conversation of friendly people.

The request formula is very widely used in various situations, including please and a verb in the form of an imperative: please tell me ...; please explain ...; do not speak, please ... etc. The verb can come before or after the word please. Equally widely used are request formulas, the organizing center of which is the structure I would ask you + the verb infinitive: I would ask you not to interrupt, I would ask you to clarify what was said, etc.

An informal setting, friendly relations between people who are socially equal determine the functioning in colloquial speech of the formula I have for you / you / request. The content of the request usually consists of the following remarks: "I have a request for you: call tomorrow."

Quite often a request to allow something or to allow something to be done is expressed in an interrogative form. A polite, non-persistent address can begin with the words: Can you ... ?, Couldn't ... ?, Can I ... ?, followed by a clarification - ask, offer, apply, consult with you (and indicate what exactly they want to ask for).

An official request can be expressed in the words: let me, excuse me, but be sure to clarify the essence of the request.

For example, let me call, let me ask, etc.

As an independent invitation formula or organizing center of the formula, the word ask is often used, drawing attention to what is being asked for.

Please, ask you - a polite form of a treat or an invitation to come in, to do something.

An invitation to listen to what the speaker is going to report, or to pay attention to something, is expressed by the formula ask for attention. The content of the action to which the attention of others is drawn is usually prompted by subsequent replicas of the dialogue or the situation.

If someone invites another person to come out to him or to break away from the business in which he is busy, or just wants to say a few words to him, in the colloquial speech of people who are socially equal in an informal setting, the invitation formula is used for a minute, for a minute, with the meaning of not only an invitation but also requests.

Formulas of speech etiquette are very diverse structurally, have different shades in meaning and use, are closely related to the situation, due to the theme of the dialogue and many other factors.